My friends fella is the most controlling, manipulative freak ive ever known, he tells her who she can talk to, when she can talk to them, what she can say etc etc and i dont trust him an inch, what can i say to make her realise what he is??
2006-10-17 23:09:43 · 27 answers · asked by ♥Tallulah♥ 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Friends
You can only really tell her how you feel, at the end of the day she's her own person & will learn from her mistakes, just like the rest of us have done! You can't force someone to see what they don't want to see, the more you push the more she'll want to be with him.
2006-10-18 01:44:02 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Ive been in this situation plenty of times before.. so let me give this a shot.
Its a lot easier for someone *your friends fella* to try to control a situation, *the relationship* rather than change. Its a possibility that he has had problems in previous relationships; maybe cheating, maybe other things that lead to problems, im sure you know what i mean.. or at least have some kind of idea.
So it is a lot easier for him to control your friend, rather than to accept that she is not doing anything wrong, but he probably is. So by controlling your friend, he sees it as stopping her or limiting her from doing something wrong in return, because he could very well be afraid to be hurt or something along those lines.
Truth be told, this guy is basically an A**. She needs to ditch this loser and find someone with much more respect; because she deserves to be treated much better than that.
The best advice I can give really, is to sit her down, tell her what you've been noticing, and other people as well. Tell her what she deserves, give her support, help her to regain any loss of confidence that might have happend.
I lost a lot of my self motivation, my confidence... I changed into a door mat, for someone that wasnt anywhere near being worth my love in the first place. Love, and respect are 2 way streets...
2006-10-17 23:23:24 · answer #2 · answered by llsoinlovell 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would take her out for a coffee when you are both free and talk to her properly about this. It is hard as you need to get across that you only want the best for her, and that your not just trying to cause problems. Tell her you cant stand by and watch her being treated in this way, and although she probably can't see it, she deserves better! Tell her that it is her choice at the end of the day, but give her your opinion on the situation and suggest that she perhaps has a break from him and see how she feels. Tell her mostly that you will always be there for her to give her all the support she needs. Good luck!
2006-10-17 23:53:03 · answer #3 · answered by Jess 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
give small hints about how he acts and behaves once in a while. just small short blunt sentences. but don't push it. it will make her think about it. sooner or later she will realise and accept the fact that he is a very over protective and not worth the trouble. also make her independent. make her go out with to places. see more people. if she says no all the time cos her boyfriend disallowed it then drop the sentences in like 'he always decides what you do' or 'why is it his choice?'. she will see eventually. everything has to learn from their mistakes. some people take longer than others to acknowledge their mistake and some need a little help along the way. i wish you the best
2006-10-18 02:29:44 · answer #4 · answered by Sara 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If she was really a true friend and u have a strong freindship then u should be able to say anything to her without her taking offence or bein annoyed with u. She should understand were u are coming from and that you are only saying these things coz u care. Just tell her wot u think but try not to put her down at the same time.
2006-10-18 00:31:34 · answer #5 · answered by klaire G 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She probably does realise but does not want to face it. Tell her once what you think, then all you can do is be there for her when she finally does face up to it. If you keep on at her she will feel she cannot turn to you, which you dont want. By telling her just once you have told her how you feel and been honest with her but not alienated her. Be a good friend and just hope she comes to her senses soon. Good Luck.xxxxx
2006-10-17 23:14:09 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
ok, i was in this situation once. I did not listen to no one untill it was to late. trust me on this. Get her on her own, tell her what you are seeing and that you are always here for her no matter what she can always talk to you. Now if the bloke is really that bad he will eventually start making excuses for you to not see her, so you unfortuantly have to act and be best buddys with him, even if you hate him, make him like you make him want you around. Always remember no matter what you say to your friend she will repeat it back to him maybe in an argument or something, which will make him feel you are spliting them up so becarefull what you say. I would suggest one night you girls go out on a girls night out, tell him you can trust her and you wont let nothing happen to her, then go over there alot so he doesnt think you are taking her out to meet men etc, then eventually it will dye off between them, she will relise. she may even meet someone really nice if you can manage to sort that out.... hint hint hint. tread carefully with her you dont want to loose her. hope this helpds
2006-10-17 23:36:58 · answer #7 · answered by chicken 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
sadly there is nothing you can say to her to make her realize it she has to do that on her own. If you were to say something she might think you were jealous or you just were not happy she has someone. She has to see these things on her own. What you can do is be a friend for her in the best way you know how because one day she is going to need you and if you try to tell her bad things about her boyfriend she might end the friendship I have seen it happen.
2006-10-17 23:15:49 · answer #8 · answered by melthule 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My daughters dad was like that and I was like that and I was with him for 4yrs,and it didn't matter what anyone said.Even when his own family said I should leave him,I didn't.I loved him very much,we had our good times.It took him cheating on me,then leaving me,for me to realize that yeah,I loved him, but there's probably someone out there that I loved more and that I could truly be happy with.After a year alone,I found him. All you can do is tell her how you truly feel,try not to diss her man to much or she wont hear you,and hope she listens.If not then shell find out the hard way,like I did..
2006-10-17 23:24:25 · answer #9 · answered by daddiesslut88 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If this guy is as manipulative as you say, everything you try to tell her he will twist in order to make her doubt you. So the best thing to do is to keep saying things like "I'm your friend no matter what" and "if you need me for anything, just phone". Do NOT try to turn her against him, that will only work to his advantage, rather keep telling her you are her friend.
2006-10-18 00:52:42 · answer #10 · answered by Orla C 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋