I am in a relationship with a man who has been going thru a long divorce on top of that he has 2 kids 8 and 10..this is a first for me and I am having a hard time with his ex being in the picture so much. we both cant stand her, she wants the kids to hate both of us...I want him to say so many things to her when she starts running her mouth. he on the other hand keeps his mouth shut..he hates it when people are mad at him and he doesn't like confontation...he tries to make everything go as smooth as possible " A Peacemaker" Even when she says things about us that he knows is not true he wont tell her what really happened because he doesn't think she needs to know anything about our lives, he says he hates talking to her so he lets her vent then leaves. which is true, she doesn't need to know , but i dont want her to spread bad things about us to the kids. do you think he is right in the way he handles things and I should keep my opinion to myself...or should i try harder?
2006-10-17 23:02:06 · 11 answers · asked by mnm4213 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Leave him...dump him...do what ever you can to stay far from the weak and pathetic man. You deserve better...you don't deserve his isues and his baggage...You are giving him a secomd chance in life but he is still not aprreciating you.
2006-10-17 23:06:25 · answer #1 · answered by Kita 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You do not say how long that have been seperated. This must still be fresh or she would not be acting this way. She should not be saying anything bad about you or your bf to the children. Children should be free to love who they want to and to make them feel guilty for loving their dad is just wrong. Someone needs to talk to her about this. Because in the end it will be her that looses with the children when they are older and realize what she has put them through. They should never be given the choice of loving mom or dad. If this does not work try going to mediation and see if that helps. To lessen the times that he needs to deal with her you could also have an alternative pick up drop off point other than your home with maybe a neighbor or other family member. if she truly has something important to say to him tell her to make an "appointment" with him and let her know what he expects of her while talking to him (i.e. her behavior no screaming or yelling). Discussions should never be done in front of the children either. Remember that if it is not an urgent matter she does not need to talk to him. She does not need to vent to him she needs to find someone else to do this too. He no longer needs to be her sounding board.
One last bit of advice, you say that you are having a hard time with his ex being in the picture so much. You will need to decide for yourself if you truly want a long term relationship with this man. She will be a part of his life for at least another 10 years or even longer. How much can you take and is your love strong enough to deal with it?
She will soon tire of not getting to him that she will give up. Good luck I know this is not an easy road. If you would like to talk some more please email me.
2006-10-17 23:25:01 · answer #2 · answered by kelsey 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If shes going to bash you guys to her kids then shes going to bash you guys to the kids, you are not able to control it or stop it, even you were both perfect and there was nothing to say to them shed probably make something up or find something completely untrue to say to them anyways because that is her game. She is bitter and hurt and the only way she can get back at her husband is mabye to demean him in front of his children. Its very immature, and he is handling it right, he probably realizes that it will only make him look bad and he would sink down to her level if he bothered to confront her on her immature behavior.
The mother needs to realize she is acting like poison for her children and causing them even more pain by being like this towards you both. The children are not stupid and they will realize this, the only thing i can really suggest is that your man has an open relationship with the kids and can discuss things with them about you both so they dont keep such a jaded opinion. In time the kids will come to realize their moms true colors and you man will come out looking a lot more mature and less destructive, so I think its good what hes doing.
2006-10-18 04:29:33 · answer #3 · answered by jennyve25 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think the Husband is a good person and the Ex-is bad 1 have 5 tips for you
1. Let the kids stay with the ex. - a bad idea
2. You must talk to ex
3. u need a conference with the ex and the mas.
4. Kill the kidz.
5. all 5 of you (2 kidz, 1 man, 1 ex and you) must talk altogether
2006-10-17 23:10:27 · answer #4 · answered by POWERBS 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She's probably having a harder time with the divorce than both of you. But what she's doing isn't right. Often one side trashes the other.... it's just a fact of life.
In your case it's a scorned woman who is doing the venting.... most people, especially your friends will see it for what it is and take it with a grain of salt. Don't sweat it.
Just my thoughts.
2006-10-18 01:51:46 · answer #5 · answered by Tony 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
unfortunately, i don't think you are in a position to say something to the ex-wife. it is understandable that she will bad mouth you two to the kids. but i guess your man has to talk to the other girl to shut up eventually. she is indeed a pain in the a.s.s.
well as for the kids, you would have to work your way into their hearts. they will listen more to their mother at first. but you have to get their trust and prove to them that what their mother is telling them about you are actually wrong. eventually they will warm up to you. but it won't happen in the next few days or weeks. it would definitely take time.
2006-10-17 23:17:06 · answer #6 · answered by Coolitz 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Keep your mouth shut to a certain extent.If your gonna be with this guy for any length i\of time,your gonna have to deal with her.Your man is doing the right thing,even if she says something that she should get a *** kicking,don't say a word.Shes just trying to get a reaction out of one of you,and when she sees you guys aren't gonna play that game,hopefully shell back off.Or maybe she just needs to get laid.
2006-10-17 23:40:28 · answer #7 · answered by daddiesslut88 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Even if he does stand up to her and say something that is no guarentee she won't bash you both to the children... Since children are involved it's best to just let him handle it
2006-10-17 23:05:04 · answer #8 · answered by dumpllin 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Watch for sme time and see what happens this way
2006-10-17 23:06:07 · answer #9 · answered by soofi 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
http://www.rishtehirishte.com/home.php?aff=1667
2006-10-17 23:15:39 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋