is it wrong to be too honest?

Question

i don't like to beat around the bush and i usually tell it as is, w/a few exeptions of rephrasing the comment to avoid hurt feelings, but people tell me that it's better to lie sometimes. that's not who i am, unless i joke around. should i listen to their advice and be like everyone else around me?

Answer 1

Sometimes it's better to lie -- for example it's not a good idea to tell people they're fat or ugly, that their religion is a cult etc etc

Answer 2

There is honesty and then there is honesty - for instance if a friend trys on a dress in a shop and it is hidious and too small, the end result you want is that your friend does not wear the dress and look ridiculous. However you don't want to hurt her feelings and make her feel bad.

One way to think is that - well ill just tell her she looks fat and ridiciulous - can't help it i just tell it like it is.

Another way is to say that the dress does not suit her and doesn't show off her best assets lets find something better for you.

They both tell the truth they just say it in a different way.

The same goes for telling people "the truth" about their relationships - sometimes you have to be tactful to get your point across cause otherwise people don't listen to what you say.

So decide whether you want to tell the truth to help someone - then say it in a constructive way as possible. If telling the truth means saying something mean and hurtful with no constructive outcome then maybe you should keep your thoughts to yourself.

Answer 3

Never. Honesty is always the best policy and can never truly be held against you. There is no such thing as a white lie.

Just remember though to be tactful with the truth. There is always a better way than lying, but just because you don't want to tell a white lie doesn't mean that whatever it is has to be said in the most blunt and possibly offensive manner possible.
Before you say something truthful that might be considered offensive, be sure to make sure you're taking the other person's feelings into account where possible and try to soften the matter to their favour as much as you can.

But yeah... honesty IS always the best policy. The world would be a much better place if nobody tried to deceive anyone. Any lie you tell could come back to haunt you in the end, no matter how good your intentions.

Answer 4

There's a difference between being honest, and honest for the sake of being mean. Used to be, if I thought it...it came out of my mouth...with no intention of meaness...and yet it was sometimes.

So, I developed an internal editor. If saying what I think isn't really mandatory, or would hurt someone or myself...I use an avoidance phrase.

I had a manager ask me what I thought of him. I tried to avoid answering, and finally told the truth...he was a worthless twit. Now, it was the truth, but it wasn't the smartest thing I ever said. Today, I'd have said...."Your management style isn't compatible with my personal work style, but it's my job to adjust."

That too is an honest statement, but definitely is less confrontational than telling your manager he's a useless twit.

However, don't lie. You don't have to say everything you think. You don't have to say the "worst" thing you think. You don't have to say "that shirt looks ugly on you"....you can say "Well, puce isn't my favorite color, but what counts is if you like it."

It takes awhile to learn. It isn't lying...but it isn't biting yourself in the behind either. Most of the time, people only want confirmation on what they already think...they really don't want your opinion.

Answer 5

Hello!! :o) It's important to keep in mind that 'being honest' isn't always the same as 'being truthful'. [As some have suggested] If - for example - you think that what someone is wearing looks horrible on them - and you tell them - that's not necessarily telling them the 'truth'. It's just an opinion. Sure - you may be 'honest' about how you feel - but it's still just your opinion. [See what I mean?] I think it's noble to want to be 'honest' - but it's even more noble to be 'humble'. And it's a very thin line - sometimes - between being 'honest' - and just being cruel. There are also WAYS of sharing an honest opinion that is NOT cruel. For example - if some old lady asks you if you like her new hat - you could avoid telling her what you really think and focus on something positive. "I really like purple - it's one of my favourite colours!!" You avoided saying, "I hate your hat" and still managed to be honest. The fact that people are telling you that it's better to lie sometimes - leads me to believe that MAYBE you're not being as 'nice' about being honest as maybe you should be. Have a great day!! Craig!! :o)

Answer 6

Lying is only valid when it's life-or-death, or joking. Other than that, it's ALWAYS better (in the long run) to be honest.

What most people have a problem with is actually not honesty, but rather tact. The timing and tone of the truth is just as important as the truth itself.

Answer 7

There's is no such thing as too honest. Either you are honest or you or not. If you lie it could come back at you and you might have to continue lying and if it is not your nature you will have problems coping. It's not worth it to lie even to save someones feelings. I make it a point not to lie and I tell people if you want the truth ask me but if you can't handle it ask someone else. People generally ask me because they want the truth. Also, how can you be trustworthy if you are not trusted. Stay honest!!!

Answer 8

NO. You should not be like everyone else! You should do what works for you and if there's a problem then you'll learn something.

what I've learned: telling things like they are is not always necessary. sometimes it does people good to tell it like it is, sometimes it's best to just resist the urge and keep your mouth closed. knowing the difference can and will make you a more well rounded person.

Answer 9

it's not a good thing to hurt someone close to you feelings. if your a joke around kinda person and are asked a direct tough question you don't want to be honest about then crack a joke about it to get you off the hook. i am also a straight forward person however, every once i awhile i end up doing this, otherwise upfront and honest is the best policy.

Answer 10

Hell no, I'm the same way and I refuse to be anything but who I am. I say what I think and what I feel and I don't care what anybody says about it and neither should you. That is the problem today, to many people have been lied to and they think that they can just go around and have everyone kissing their asse$. I say be who you are and the helI with everyone else.

Answer 11

well i believe that honesty is the true policy.its just tht due to peer pressure our views get subdued and we usually say lies. it happens with me a lot. i m in school right now and u know genx , the children think they r cool and if u r like 2 much honest they will think u r stupid and then noone likes u and ppl will tease u n stuff so it does happen so what i think is that sometimes not speaking the truth is not tht bad.