i have been married for 4 years, before that i have been in alot of relationships im 28 years old, I have never ever ever been able to orgasim I cant even do it myself. I was in a very mind controlling relationship and violent relationship when i was 12 years old for 6 years, thats when i lost my virginity. He raped me alot and i was on alot of drugs i know its alot of information but you need to see where im coming from. Ive been to councelling and nothing helps. I fake it every time I have it, infact I really hate sex I dont know what else to do. I have 2 children and im very confused. I have had toys and nothing makes me orgasim, i get the funny feeling but im completely dry. I am concerned as I feel im missing out. I blame my past for this....... any help would be great
2006-10-17 22:29:14 · 18 answers · asked by chicken 2 in Health ➔ Women's Health
You need professional help - please speak to your doctor. You've gone through a lot of trauma and need careful help.
2006-10-17 22:34:40 · answer #1 · answered by True Blue Brit 7 · 3⤊ 0⤋
awwww That's a shame..what a sad story...of course your past is to blame for this...although having said that, some people just don't have an orgasim at all but still enjoy the sex. It doesn't sound as though this is you though...I would have suggested councelling but you've tryed this too...I think it's just a time issue for you, and a patient and really caring, understanding partner to help you through it..I wouldn't fake it though, i think this might have a negative effect on the way your thinking, admit to your hubby that you fake it sometimes, if he's worth his weight in gold he will understand and not create a fuss, then take things slower...
Good luck...
2006-10-17 22:36:25 · answer #2 · answered by Susie2 4 · 3⤊ 0⤋
I feel bad for you, but think you might be putting too much pressure on yourself now. Are you able to talk to your husband about this?
The physical attention is only part of what will bring you to orgasm - the rest is mental, that is, you have to be in the right state of mind to be able to come. I'm not going to just say "relax" coz that isn't always enough. At the moment on some level you are associating sex with how it used to be, and probably not with how it is now.
Have you ever tried Relate? Or sexual counselling - such a thing exists and you could try it with your husband?
Good luck x
2006-10-17 22:37:49 · answer #3 · answered by kezls_79 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Not every woman can orgasm. I went years without one, until I learned how do do it myself(I was in my early 30's). I use a vibrator, veritable speed. DO NOT insert it. Pick a quite time, just for you, experiment with the "toy". I didn't know what an orgasm even felt like, until I did it myself. NO MAN has ever been able to bring me to one...I use my toy during sex...HUGE turn on for the partner. For those who gave me a thumbs down, a side note: I had an accident as a child(no not falling on a boy's bike!). Some of the nerve endings were damaged...I need the extra stimulation, AS this lady might.
2016-05-21 22:59:57 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I couldnt orgasm properly until i was in my late 20's. Now i cant stop.
You are getting the feelin like you said,wot you need to do is stop concentrating on it & just let yourself go. I am sorry to hear how you have been treated in the past & i hope that you can overcome this,as you are missing out on a most wonderfull experience.
Best of luck to you
2006-10-18 04:17:20 · answer #5 · answered by babydoll 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Oh you poor thing! Have you ever told anyone about the abuse you suffered? You should at least talk to a therapist. I hope you know what happened when you were a child wasn't your fault! No wonder you can't have an orgasm!! I would most definitely talk to a professional, and YES, you are missing out!!
Please get some help!
Good luck!!!!
2006-10-17 22:36:07 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
i think the traumatic experience still scares you. maybe you're subconsciously trying to stop or prohibit yourself from enjoying sex because it brings back memories of the past. it's like..how can u enjoy something that was used to abuse and hurt you before?
have you forgiven the person who had raped you? forgiveness doesn't have to be given only if the person asks it from you, it's your own jail cell..you need to let go of that experience so you can move on and enjoy life and everything it has to offer. i'm really sorry to hear what happened to you before. but what hurts more is that you are still suffering from it up to this day.
2006-10-17 22:36:05 · answer #7 · answered by justwondering 2 · 3⤊ 0⤋
I would suggest more counselling. It's obviously not a physical problem as the 'funny feeling' is still there. A specialist psycho-sexual counsellor may be able to help. Good luck.
2006-10-17 22:35:48 · answer #8 · answered by Nurse Soozy 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Best and easiest way to learn, is to do it yourself, rather than involve someone else.
get rellaxed, bath, bed, whereever you feel private and give yourself plenty of time.
use extra luberication if neccessary, KY or somesuch
start by expoloring
find what feels best.......... and build on it..... when you find a spot or movement that makes you feel good, just keep doing that same p[lace/movement.
most women find it easier to get a clitioral orgasm than a vaginal one.
good luck
2006-10-17 22:37:00 · answer #9 · answered by Vinni and beer 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
yeah don't curse yourself.It will not help just forget the past and begin the new day with more energy and power and free Ur mind and open the eyes of Ur heart and spend some time with itself try to understand itself and the solution for Ur problem lies within Ur own self try counseling Ur own self and u will get the answer spend some time with yourself alone.
2006-10-17 22:47:41 · answer #10 · answered by pearl 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
i would suggest masturbation. don't focous on the climax enjoy the entire thing. make sure you feel relaxed and use lub fi you don't get wet. don't go all out on a vibrator they take a while to get used to use your fingers. and good luck. also maybe try talking to your husband about this.
2006-10-18 08:39:18 · answer #11 · answered by QueenB 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋