Tonight while in the car my husband decided to drive a different direction because he heard on the radio that their was an accident. I did not understand the way that he told me he was going to drive he repeated it to me like 3 times, but I still did not understand and was questioning him about not going another way. He decided to tell me to "SHUT UP" he said this to me many times. I have a form of Austim and sometimes I have a hard time with listening comprehension and understanding. My husband knows this but still tells me to shut up, and its not the first time he has done this to me. When I tried to stand up for myself, he said he didn't care and if I did not get the hint to stop talking he is going to say SHUT UP. I feel trapped, he doesn't care about respecting me and only cares about what he wants.I love him so much but feel that I cannot have him without the disrespect because he does not care. Please help, is this love???? He says he loves me.
2006-10-17 21:21:26 · 13 answers · asked by ilih2006 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
That was not a cool thing for him to do. When he married you, he knew that you had this form of autism and promised to love you unconditionally. There is no excuse for him to tell you to shut up because your are equal partners in this relationship. You need to tell him that you are not going to put up with him talking down to you. Your spouse is supposed to be that soft place for you to land, the one person who understands you. I would recommend sitting down with him, when he is not mad and talking about this behavior. Tell him that it really hurts you when he treats you like that. If he is any kind of gentleman, he will apologize and be a little more careful in the future.
2006-10-17 21:29:38 · answer #1 · answered by HSK's mama 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No this is not love. Love is when someone cares about you and puts your needs before themselves. If you do have a problem is there any help for it. I can see how in the case you mentioned it could be a bit frustrating if he repeated it to you 3 times and you still did not get it. You maybe could of just waited to see how he went to understand better. He could of been under some form of stress and just said that. You should discuss this with him and try and listen to him. Put yourself in his shoes when you are listening to him understand his side. Yet still I say his actions are not love not true love. Anyone that loves deeply and truly will always put the other persons feelings first.
Good Luck
2006-10-18 04:28:43 · answer #2 · answered by lost_soul 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Let's see, he was trying to drive around traffic had already explained three times and then you to Shut-Up? Is it possible that
he was ,understandably trying to concentrate on the task at hand and really did not want to explain a forth time? How then do you turn this into a respect issue about you. Be thank full he did not wrap your car around a tree. The number one cause of auto accidents is distraction. You need to get over yourself a bit. You have a lot of reasons for not understanding what is being told to you. Maybe you should just shut up sometimes and listen. If Shut-Up is so offensive ask him to try " quiet for now". Please quit trying to equate the need for quiet with disrespect. They are separate issues.
2006-10-18 06:28:12 · answer #3 · answered by Flagger 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think he might very well love you but does not truly understand what your problem is and he gets frustrated. Maybe what you need is counceling. I think maybe you and your husband might have a communication problem. I think you two definetely need to talk. I am sure he cares I think it is more he gets frustrated and losing control. Maybe if he knew how to explain things to you so that you could understand. I am sure he would not have married you if he did not care. I am also sure he loves you he just need help understanding and you can do that it will just take time.
2006-10-18 04:35:03 · answer #4 · answered by melthule 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No it's not. You've answered the question yourself, "you feel trapped" "he only cares about what he wants" he disrespects you. Tell him if he doesn't change your gonna leave him. We are supposed to get married because we want to spend the rest of our life with the person who makes us happy, this doesn't seem to be the case for you. Get out of it and find someone who will love and respect you and who wont make you feel so crap!!
2006-10-18 04:28:51 · answer #5 · answered by cheryl 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It must be stressful for him to be married to someone autistic and that stress can show out at times. But do talk to him, tell him that you are feeling let down and degraded. Tell him that you didn't ask for this problem, this problem is not in your imagination and he knew about this before marriage. Ask him for a better attitude and that if he loved you, he would respect you too because you're a life partner...not a joke to have around.
2006-10-18 04:24:31 · answer #6 · answered by DrSH 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
this situation happen very often in many relationship when the couple have stress in some situationes, this word is rude, y the women are sensitive, the best way is talk with him but (no in the exactly moment when this happen), and explain to him how you feel about this situation, keep the calm, be soft and dont try to start a new problem.. with a lot love you can obtain many things.... good luck!
2006-10-18 04:33:40 · answer #7 · answered by elesanlon 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I really feel for you. Im a recently divorced, father of two boys , the 7yold is autistic and is nonverbal for now, ya never know!I did some of the same things to my ex wife and I regret it everyday, but I feel for me to change I had to go through the painful divorce.Leave him and find a man who will respect you 24/7 not just when its convinent.Someone who understands what your going through. GOOD LUCK
2006-10-18 05:59:39 · answer #8 · answered by james v 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just because you love someone it doesn't mean that u should tolerate disrespect. A person that truly loves you would never abuse you physically or verbally. You answered your own question by saying he does not care & you feel trapped. That is not how love should feel.
2006-10-18 04:33:13 · answer #9 · answered by swee-pee 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He might love you, but he is also abusing you. I have a 22-year-old with autism and I would murder anyone who treated him that way. You don't deserve this and he will not change. He's going to behave that way to any woman, not just you.
2006-10-18 04:30:22 · answer #10 · answered by Kacky 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋