SERIOUS QUESTION. serious answers only plz.?

Question

I realize I have asked about this before, but I am still confused as what to do. Please don't yell at me for asking more than once or for "not disiplining my daughter correctly". That is my business, not yours.
As for my question:
My daughter was caught at a park around two in the morning drinking with friends of hers.
it seems everyone that was caught has gotten off scott free-by their parents.
one girl [[who was not intoxicated]] but was drinking as well, but blew nothing, her parents only told her to pay the fine.
That's it.
She's not grounded or anything.
The second girl, who was also not as intoxicated as my daughter, was only grounded from the computer...
that's it.
My daughter, I grounded and took the cellphone, computer, everything away from.
Am i being too harsh??
Should I lay-off?
I mean even prisoners on death-row get a little yard time....
I feel kind of guilty, because Halloween is coming up, and that is her favorite holiday.
I've considered not letting her do anything...

Anyone have any suggestions?
I am so confused.

Answer 1

You don't state your daughters age.

You must remain consistent, and as you have grounded her, it should remain until you think she has learnt her lesson, or until the end of the time line you gave her. e.g 1 month. Especially if she is under the age to drink.

Consistency is important, and I believe you have done the right thing in setting out rules/guidelines of what you expect of you daughter.

Do try to talk to her about the dangers of drinking, but don't lecture, she will just shut you off. To do this successfully research on the dangers of alcohol to young people, I have pasted some links for you below.

Good luck

Answer 2

Okay, as for the Halloween party, I'd let her go but tell her she can't stay late. If she's even one minute later than the time you set, then take everything completely away because she's not learning.
I think we can all remember back when we were teenagers and the stupid things we did. Instead of punishment perhaps you can both take the opportunity to turn this into a learning experience.
Sit her down and talk with her (don't lecture) about the fact that what she did is not only inappropriate for her age but also illegal. Trust is something that must be earned and not given, so give her a light at the end of the tunnel. Explain that you need to be able to trust her again, so she needs to help you to do that. Give her back a teeny bit of freedom at a time, so long as she follows every house rule exactly. She has to tell you exactly where she will be at all times and with whom. If she is caught in any sort of lie or doing anything she shouldn't be doing then every luxury and freedom should be taken away.
In my mother's house I only had three rules after I turned 14.
1. Never LIE
2. Pick up after yourself
3. Call if your going to be late
My mother came to trust me enough to let me choose my own curfew, how I wanted to dress and who I wanted to hang out with. So long as my grades stayed up and I didn't get into trouble!
This worked great because I learned good behavior on my own instead of her beating it into my head.
I hope this helps you.

Answer 3

First of all I am not going to fuss at you. But why are you angry with yourself. You are the parent and you have to set the ground rules for your daughter to follow. If she breaks those rules you have to give her consequences. There are 2 questions you need to answer. Why was your daughter in the park at 2:00 am and also why was she drinking? If it will make you feel better put a time limit on how long she is punished. The fact that you questioned whether or not you were being to harsh with your daughter means you are a caring parent that wants to be fair.

Answer 4

I'm very serious about this and I think you need to consider some things... You have to set boundries on your child, no matter what age she is, underage drinking is a big issue and can lead to bigger problems. If she doesn't recognize the fact you're very firm on your restrictions then she will only think she can get away with other things and frankly, I think the other parents of the other children aren't being harsh enough. Keep her in from Halloween. Who's to say she won't drink again, thinking mom will go easy on her and let up on the restrictions if she pouts and fights enough? Underage drinking can cause some very serious problems for your daughter and she's lucky she didn't end up in a bad situation. An intoxicated teen is a deadly thing. She could end up having sex, she could even possibly end up getting raped, she could possibly end up in a fatal car accident if she decides to take a joy ride with her friends who are most likely going to be under the influence as well and she could even start doing drugs. I know it seems dramatic but if she's immature enough to be drinking in a park in the early hours of the morning, who is to say she is going to have the maturity to not get in a car with people who have been drinking? Or go out with a strange boy? Or allow a strange man to manipulate her? Or even be peer-pressured in to doing drugs? I'm sorry but I think you need to put your foot down on this issue and stay strong.

Answer 5

The only way to get through to teenagers is to take what is most important from them. If she was invited to a party for Halloween, you should not let her go. If you do, she will likely start thinking that if she does something bad and gets caught that it won't matter, cause she won't get a punishment that is too severe, because she'll be thinking that this is what has occurred in the past. It may seem like you're being too harsh, but try to remember that you're not her "friend", you're her "parent" (that doesn't mean that you can be friendly with her, but you should always be parental to her). It is up to you to teach her right from wrong and make it known that if she does something illegal or wrong and then gets caught, that she will be punished. Teenagers are not mature enough to understand the consequences of their actions, even though they think they are and we wish that they were, so it's up to you to help her refrain from doing something that may end up hurting her for the rest of her life. She may be angry with you for being stern, but that will soon pass and also, she'll understand why you did what you did when she is older and more mature.

Answer 6

First off you are the mother and your daughter needs to learn that there are consquences for act like she is grown. If I was you I would feel guilty about a damn thing. She needs to learn that following a crowd will not get her anywhere but where she doesnt want to be. Sounds like she is being a teenage pain in the ***, and if you back down from the punishment you have set then you mine as well had not punished her at all. Keep that noose tight, because i dont think that you want to raise any grandbaby right now, because she was out there being reckless or that you get one of two calls 1) the morgue telling you that she's dead. 2) a collect call from your local jail telling you that " Mom I'm in jail can you come bail me out". Stick to your guns you wont regret it later!!!!!!

Answer 7

I am not sure. It really depends on you. If my daughter was found drinking, I would have grounded her as well. It is a habit that will not help her in the future, and it might risk her to become an alcoholic. I really do not like people drinking especially teens since some classmates of mine got killed in a car accident this year and it involved a teenage boy under the influence.

Maybe it is just a phase she is going through, but if you feel she needs to be grounded then so be it.

Answer 8

How you choose to disciplinje your daughter is your buisness and no you are not being to harsh. however restricting your daughter from these things may not be the answer to making her realise the dangers of alcohol consumption. We all live and learn from experiences in life. your daughter will learn that there are reactions to her choices and there are better things to do in life than that, but she may need to learn the hard way which isn't by you taking things away from her. If your guilt is getting to you then let her off the hook but explain that you love her and hope that she does not continue to get intoxicated like that again because you care about her well being. good luck with parenting x o

Answer 9

I'm 18 yrs old and I don't think your being harsh. She shouldn't have been outside, in a public place at two o'clock in the morning (there's nothing for teenagers to do outside at 2am other then get in trouble) If she thinks she's old enough to have a computer, cellphone, and be breaking the law (curfew, underage drinking, public intoxication, park rules etc) then she should be old enough to take the punishment that comes from lack of responsiblity. She should be able to dress up on Halloween but I would not let her go out with her friends (depending on rather or not you felt like she's really learned her lesson). She won't like you now for it (trust me I would've hated my mom too) but your teaching her responsiblity for her actions. Those other girl's parents might have let them off easy, but while they are still getting in trouble with the law when they are in their twenties (or older). Your daughter will be better for it. I was made to take responsiblity for my actions (espically when I was a teenager) my mom trusted me enough (because I never gave her a reason not to, like being in a park at 2am drinking) to go out with my friends, yeah I made some stupid decisions but I was smart enough not to get in trouble with the law. Now I'm 18, self-sufficent, and have no criminal record (not even a traffic ticket) which is more then I can say for most of the people I knew in HS who's parents let them get away with whatever they won't and that's saying a lot considering my graduating class was 865+ people.

Answer 10

Hello.....YOu have done the right thing!!! The last thing you should be doing is comparing your daughters punishment to the other girl irrespective of how guilty you may feel. You gave her the punishment you saw gfit and you have to stick with it.
Maybe next t ime, before you punish her, wait until you have calmed down and arent angry. The you can think clearly and not make a rulling out of anger.
With all that said, i think you did the right thing and you shouldnt go back on it......if you do, your daughter will know she has the upper hand and that is the LAST thing you want.
Bless you hun, stick with it - there is always another year for HAloween!!!! Its not your fault that your daughter behaved the way she did....xxx