2006-10-17 17:59:00 · 26 answers · asked by craig v 1 in Social Science ➔ Gender Studies
I have to say I am utterly disgusted by many of the responses to this question. As a male who spent 7 yrs as a victim of an abusive (both physically and emotionally) wife, I know too well to the bigotry and hypocrisy that men face in this situation. Where for women there is support at every corner, for men the situation is vastly different - it can be a frighteningly isolating experience.
If I gave half these responses to a female who was being abused by their husband - such as "you probably did something to deserve it" or "because you let it happen" I'd be skun alive and called a pig to boot! Many of the people who have responded thus face (especially the women!) truly deserve a slap across the face!
To say just "lets it happen" shows a deep misunderstanding of the damage which abuse causes, both to a person's self-esteem and on a psychological level. Many who find themselves in such a situation (both men and women) enter the relationship with self-esteem issues as it is. For males the damage goes even further, as such situations also erode one's sense of masculinity.
To try and answer your question, much of the answer will come from the fact that she likely has no respect for herself, which then makes it impossible to respect others. It is also usually a case that the bully is plagued by a sense of weakness (or blatant cowardliness) themselves, having to raise themselves by forcing others beneath them. What I can also tell you is that it is NOT your fault - it is hers. Your wife has to take ownership over her own behaviour.
My advice is that you reach out for support - this is not a situation you want to be tackling on your own
To say that
2006-10-18 01:48:16 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
Well your wife probly had a crappy childhood with parents split or a mother who wouldn't let her decide what clothes she wanted to wear to school and if she had a dad he was probly a drunk. So this behavior is not your fault you are merely a victom just as she was when she was young. The only thing that is different was she got out and started her own power trip starting with you. People like this usually don't know how to handle their life so they take charge of the closest one around them just like they were taught to do. Counsiling is one of the most expensive and often unsuccessful way to spend money... but it at least helps your significant other know that something is wrong in their head as nicely as possible. It might be for the better or could make her go off the deap end. Have a great day.
2006-10-17 18:14:38 · answer #2 · answered by secretsofthe end 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Its called positive reinforcement. Basically you are letting her abuse you. It takes two to tango. If from the very begining you showed negative reactions to her abuse and did something drastic about it she would have to change her attitude and behavior or get a divorce since she would not be getting her way.
There is always room for change though so do not feel like you are in despair. Tell her that you do not appreciate what she is doing and force change. If it does not work you need to show self-respect and confidence and move on without her.
Good luck.
2006-10-18 01:15:44 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
The obvious reasons are because she has some hidden hostilities and because you let her. If she's angry and taking it out on you, there could be a lot of underlying causes, and it sounds like a professional therapist is the way to go.
You could see if she'll go to marriage counseling with you. If she says yes, then maybe the marriage can be salvaged. And if she refuses, then you have to decide whether being with her is worth taking the abuse or not.
2006-10-17 18:07:12 · answer #4 · answered by Wolfeblayde 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It does not matter why. What matters is that you do something about it. We don't have enough info to advise you but, you should either talk to her or see a marriage counselor and get the issues out on the table. Only then can you deal with what those issues are.
I would personally suggest you divorce her before she divorces you. Until then, she is in the drivers seat.
2006-10-19 13:39:06 · answer #5 · answered by nickname 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The main reason is, "because you let her".
People get abused, manipulated, used, only as much as they permit another person.
Another factor is, she's unhappy, she's using you as a scapegoat. Someone to blame all her unhappiness on. She will never be truly happy because she has never understood herself nor the real reason she's angry all the time.
Seriously, if you're unhappy, please, for your own well-being, pull out of that relationship. No one needs to live in that kind of environment.
If you do succeed in leaving, make sure you learn to understand yourself before you get in to another relationship. Because if you're just running from her in hopes of finding a happier, healthier woman, it won't happen. You'll just keep running in to more like her until you change your own attitude and attraction factors.
2006-10-17 18:58:32 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
There could be many reasons but you didn't really give enough information for me to answer thoroughly. It doesn't matter what the reasons are though because you don't deserve it! I would try talking to her about it and if it doesn't stop then maybe you should think about getting out of the marriage because nobody deserves that!
2006-10-17 18:02:46 · answer #7 · answered by Amaya 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
OK may i say this with insulting you ,
why do you let this carry on?
time to move on and up buddy leave her to abuse someone else, there are not many guys that will put up with this, so why should you ?
i guess your marriage is over ,and this is all that left....... close the door say good bye and start to live for you not her.....
2006-10-17 18:24:39 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe because she saw her own mother do this to her father and it was a learned behavior, but really YOU are letting her do this... Someone once said that WE teach others how to treat US.It may also be that she has a hidden resentment towards you that she hasn't resolved with you yet...and this may be her way of dealing with it...
2006-10-18 06:37:39 · answer #9 · answered by angeleyes 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Because you allow it to happen.
Stand up. seriously. If that doesnt work, leave. but be careful, what is it that is causing this? would a split benefit you, her or both of you?
she may be doing this to get you to leave, and claim it all.
or you are just a push over. hard to know.
2006-10-17 18:09:45 · answer #10 · answered by SAINT G 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋