my boyfriend is 18 and a recovering drug addict, He quit when we found i was pregnant but relapsed a month and a half ago and went to rehab. When he relapsed he got angry, never physical but verbally abusive and neglectfully. He is acting like everything is about him, when I'm the one due in 6 weeks. He has hardly done anything for me since we found out, no money no nothing, but he wants to be there. I just want someone elses opinion on what to do. Should I do this on my own, or let him try and be a father. & yes I know.. I'm 16 and shouldnt be pregnant.
2006-10-17 17:52:07 · 38 answers · asked by Anonymous in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Adolescent
When he relapsed he had been sober for a year about 2 years and i've been with him for about a year and a half.
2006-10-17 17:56:47 · update #1
I live at home with my parents. I did think about moving out, but still being close to my parents, because it is my mistake and i need to take responsibility for my actions. but when he told me he had relapsed and was going into rehab i knew that I was going to be living with my parents for awhile.
2006-10-17 18:02:47 · update #2
i reread what i wrote and i know it sounds confusing. he had been sober from dope for almost 2 years, but still smoked pot occasionally and quit that when he found out i was pregnant and then relapsed back into dope.
2006-10-17 18:07:43 · update #3
By your own admission you are close to your parents, so I would advise you to stay with your parents. They are obviously going to be there for you for the rest of the pregnancy and the birth of baby. You will need as much support you can get after the baby is born.
Until your boyfriend straightens up his life, and gets of the drugs etc, he really should not be involved with you, especially as he has been abusive to you. What would he be like with a crying baby?????
Yes is the baby's father, but that does not give him automatic right to see you or the baby, he has to act like a responsible adult, before he is granted rights of access.
If you are not already involved with a pregnancy support group, I strongly suggest you contact them. Youth centres offer support to young mums/moms, and they can also help with your boyfriend and his problems, or mediate between you both, they can also advocate on behalf of you and baby if needed, and will assist with any government payments applications.
Good luck and take care
2006-10-18 00:01:31 · answer #1 · answered by Georgie 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Honestly and this is hard for you to here especially being pregnant. Lose him.....he is going to be a horrible role model for a child and probably ruin your life. Until your bf can say he is clean for a year and you know it for a fact he is never going to change....with a new baby a former or drug addict isnt going to be able to handle the responsibility. Get help from your friends and family....but I would stay away from him right now for a long time. I know its his baby too so I would allow his mother and family to see the baby and him but not while you are around. Dont let him take you down with him. Drug addicts are better left alone.....maybe he will change one day and everything will work out but trust me he is young and he has a lot of living and learning to do before that happens. Good luck and congratulations on the soon to be baby :-)
2006-10-17 17:57:34 · answer #2 · answered by Glittergirl 3 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Your number one priority is your unborn baby. If your boyfriend can remain sober, he should be involved in the babies life. If he continues to use, you need to go forward with your life without him. Being pregnant at a young age will be challenging but it is not the end of the world. If your parents are supportive and willing to help out, I would strongly suggest that you do not move out. It will just cause you more stress. Stay in school at all costs and get your education. Good luck.
P.S. Don't listen to people who tell you to marry your boyfriend just because you are pregnant. That will only make things worse. You will know in your heart if and when the time comes to get married. It may be to your boyfriend or it may be to some other person down the road.
2006-10-17 19:06:03 · answer #3 · answered by kimmimomof4 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
In some states your boyfriend would be in jail for statutory rape.
The drugs have made him lose all thoughts of reality and what is important in life. Because he has relapsed and all take it slowly with him. Yes he is the father but most states will and have put limits on the fathers rights because of drugs.
Having a child on your own is never the best option but maybe there is someone else that can help you when the child is born. Do not shut the father out just be very cautious with the father during this time.
2006-10-17 17:57:58 · answer #4 · answered by fatboysdaddy 7 · 0⤊ 2⤋
Please think of the baby, be safe and if he is like this now, think about how he MAY be in the future... down the road when he MAY say something like" Your fat and ugly and no body will ever want you.... You said he was verbally abusive, so believe me NO man is worth it. Think of the beautiful baby you are about to care for and you want him/her to have nice memories not hurtful sad ones. When you are older you will realize that there is someone out there who is going to love you for you. When the time comes you will appreciate your choices to better you life. I hope you know you are a wonderful person and you deserve better. I hope you can talk to your family or someone close. Be strong. And May God Be With You, as your new journey begins. Take Care
2006-10-17 18:11:09 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sorry to hear that...Addiction is hard to deal with. I think the best thing you can do is to focus on you and the baby. Try to stay positive and really try to get your high school degree. You are blessed with a beautiful child and that should be your first and only priority right now,,,,If you expect nothing from your BF then you will not be disappointed when he does not come through...Take Care and enjoy your baby...they grow up so fast
2006-10-17 19:25:30 · answer #6 · answered by Lyssa D 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't keep him around because you might feel guilty. Just because He didn't get violent the first time doesn't mean he won't. You have no obligation to keep your self and your baby in a situation like this. Get help that is not form him. He can remain in the baby's life he just doesn't have to be in yours. You are very young to make a commitment like this to someone who obviously doesn't love you. If he loved you he would have been taking care of you and not out getting high.
That baby is your #1 priority now.
Dump the looser.
2006-10-17 18:00:42 · answer #7 · answered by lil_love1982 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
As I do not really know you, and all the circumstances. The best thing you can do is go to some place like Planned Parenthood. Or a church organization. Explain the whole situation. And get advise and counseling from them. Also what about your parents? Are they involved? Maybe they are the best people to help you.
Take Care and Good luck with your baby.
2006-10-17 17:58:01 · answer #8 · answered by Kali_girl825 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Do you have any family to go to? If not, maybe a women's shelter, school counselor or local Church can help direct you.
Just because that man is the child's father doesn't mean he needs to be in the baby's life. Seems he has more on his plate than he can handle and so do you.
You CAN do this on your own but you DONT have to do it ALONE
May God Bless you and the Baby and take care!
2006-10-17 17:59:08 · answer #9 · answered by ? 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
hey i totally understand where your comming from,personally i would leave him alone until he is for surely undercontrol with his drug useage,not meaning a month or two here and there i mean for ever,yeh its going to be hard and things dont happen over night,and you may love him deeply but now ur responsible for another life and need to think beyond ur boyfriend....it may help if you support him and let him know he can kick this habbit if he really tries and wants to be a good father,but if he doesnt want to help him self for you or the baby thiers not to much you can do...i know many people will suggest you leave and i know its easy to say and hard to do especially when your in love and its harder when your expecting a kid but now that your a mother to be yo may have to put your feelings to aside sometimes...i totally understand ur situation being in one some what like that now if you would like to chat more feel free to IM me at xxxbabygurl954xxx looking forward to talking with you goodluck
2006-10-17 18:01:55 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋