My husband has a history of alcohol abuse as well as lying, stealing and "stepping out of the marriage." According to him he has never had sex with anyone else but "might" have kissed someone else. Now he is just over 3 months sober and insists he is changing his ways. He also insists that I need to give him another chance (after 12 years of chances!) I however, don't believe a word out of his mouth, am not in love with him anymore, am not attracted to him anymore, don't trust him, etc. I gave him more chances than he deserves, offered to let him come clean and start over with no repercussions, work with him in therapy etc. He would always be good for a short while and then slip back to his old ways. The difference this time is that he is sober. Can someone really change that much? I feel that he is only working on it this time because he realized that I was dead serious about leaving his sorry ***!
2006-10-17 16:46:07 · 26 answers · asked by COLLEEN F 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
No one can change him but himself. You are not even in love with him anymore why give him a chance for? A guy like him and you put up with it for 12 yrs are you out of your mind? Like you said you don't believe a word he said so what makes you think he is serious? You should move out for a couple of months and really think about your situation with him. If he really love you and wants you back than he should work for it. Make him earn your trust again.
2006-10-17 19:39:21 · answer #1 · answered by uniqaznmeg 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well maybe you should have been dead serious the first time or 2. Women play games because of being in love and wanting someone so bad well that's wrong way you let your emotions control you. You should have been serious right from the start. Its just as much your fault has his so now that you are not in love anymore then you want to end it well tough sh*t you married him not you keep working on it and the minute or the second he steps out then leave right away but don't start saying you are not attracted to him so you want to leave that's bull that says you have no clue of the commitment you made which makes you no better then him.
2006-10-18 00:32:05 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sure, I think a man can change. but don't you think its just a little too late. Why even let him have another chance. Your probably alot happier without his sorry butt around. I guess you decide who you'd like to see happy you or him and then you make the decision to take him back or not.
You don't owe him a thing. Marriage says for better or worse, but if your not attracted to him, you don't love him, don't trust him etc. you can pretty much say the marriage is over. You've served enough of your sentence . You are a saint to have put up with his crap all of these years.
Don't let him talk you into giving him another chance. Choose to be Happy. get rid of the guy
2006-10-17 23:56:15 · answer #3 · answered by penelope 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
he just isn't ready to leave, he hasn't found anyone else as good as you, so sure he is going to say he is sorry until he meets someone new. once trust is broken there is no basis to stay married. life is just too short to have to live with this kind of person, get out while your still young. my ex kept saying he was sorry when he would hurt me, until he met another girl, they will be all apologetic if they aren't in position to leave. its much easier to leave a situation like this than to stay in it and suffer. there are good men out there who won't treat you like this. cheating and alcohol abuse are deal breakers in a marriage.you have hoped for change for 12 years now, and nothing has changed for you, don't let him decide your future. i do not believe a cheater ever changes, whenever they get into an argument or a disagreement or they don't get their way they will be back cheating again until they meet someone and leave you, after you've invested more on them it hurts alot more. i do not think men change at all, i think they just hide who they really are to get what they want, and when problems arise their true selves come out.
2006-10-18 00:11:45 · answer #4 · answered by jude 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Look, this is coming from a man here. I could write three or four paragraphs in detail about this... but there is no need to. The answer to your question is NO. Men don't change, they may get better at covering up faults but they don't change. A cheater will always cheat. Know this and do something to fix your life.
2006-10-18 00:50:16 · answer #5 · answered by No More 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
As Doctor Phil would say, the best predictor of future behavior is past history. Could he change, Sure! Will he change-not likely. 12 years and and you don't know the answer. Time to wake up and smell the coffee.
"MIGHT" have kissed someone else? I never been that drunk that I wouldn't remember if I kissed someone!
2006-10-17 23:56:14 · answer #6 · answered by conetoe 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe you scared the s_it out him. Maybe he got alone and said oh hell what do I do next. Been there, done that.
Should you take him back? You are the only one that can honestly answer that question with him.
I wish you the best of luck in any decision that you may make in the future.
Good Luck.
2006-10-18 00:03:16 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Adultery and Alcoholism are 2 things that are usually a good reason to leave. I have never known a man to "change his spots" so to speak. You have been through enough. You are still young, go find yourself and then next time pick a better man.. You deserve better, go find it.
2006-10-18 00:01:05 · answer #8 · answered by tiredinaz 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i think that once a man has done this, or anyone has done this, in a relationship, its basically over. your always going to have that thought and resentment in your mind. it seems that he needs to get better for himself and if you want to be there for him to get sober, thats awesome of you, but if you dont love him anymore, what is the point of staying with him if you arent happy? you will be cheating yourself and him in the long run....i dont think its a matter of change, because he already did it in the first place, many many times. stay strong
2006-10-17 23:52:44 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You can give him a chance if you want. If you don't love him anymore, you may never love him again. Then, again, the love may be rekindled after you see him in a different light while he is "sober" for a while.
2006-10-17 23:49:42 · answer #10 · answered by nobluffzone 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋