can u please help me write this essay better?im not done yet but how can i make it better so far?

Question

A pediatrician is a doctor who specializes in the care and development of children and in the prevention and treatment of children’s diseases. They work to reduce infant and child mortality, control infectious diseases, foster healthy lifestyles, and ease the day-to-day difficulties of children and adolescents with chronic conditions. So basically they take care of kids, from birth to 21 years of age. Last week, I had the pleasure to interview my co-workers sister, Melissa Martinez. Dr. Martinez is a pediatrician at Valley Pediatric center. My interview took place at an Italian restaurant called Olive Garden. I was excited to have the opportunity to find out what a pediatrician is all about.
The morning sun warmed out that Saturday. It was around two p.m. when I arrived to the restaurant. I entered the front doors and to my right I immediately spotted Dr.Martinez, a thin, tall, in her mid-forties lady, sitting in a corner table enjoying a cup of coffee. I walked over to the table and she promptly stood up and greeted me with a firm handshake. The restaurant had a delicious, appetizing aroma. As we were anticipating for our warm meals, I asked Dr. Martinez what she enjoyed about being a pediatrician. “I enjoy everything about my job, and I think that most people who choose a career in pediatric feel the same way,” she proudly said. “What about things that you don’t like about being a pediatrician?,” I asked. She started describing a few things she did not enjoy. “ I don’t like to see kids crying and being in pain, but unfortunately, I’ve had to learn how to deal with that,” Dr. Martinez said. She also said that working with insurance companies can get difficult at times.
After a few minutes, a short, young lady wearing black slacks, and a white long sleeve collar shirt brought our tasty food. The food looked mouth-watering and ready to be eaten. Enjoying our food, Dr. Martinez started explaining what influenced her in becoming a pediatrician. She said she always wanted to be a doctor since she was a little kid. During her third year of attending medical school, she started working with patients such as delivering babies, internal medicine, family practice and pediatrics. “I enjoyed pediatrics and taking care of children the most,” she said staring directly into my eyes behind her roundish glasses. I told her that ever sine I was a little kid, my affection for kids had always been enormous also.
Her professionalism, courtesy, and understanding were helping me understand the pediatric field a little better. Wiping some spaghetti sauce from my lips, I asked Dr. Martinez what was the future for pediatrics. “Pediatrics have a strong future,” Dr. Martinez said with a very confident look, ‘’as long as people keep having babies there will always be a need for pediatricians.” As I asked “What is a typical day for a pediatrician?,” she started explaining her day from beginning to end. “ Well, my day usually begins by going to the hospital to visit any new babies or sick children that have been hospitalized,” she began. “Next, office hours usually begin at 9:00 and continue until 5:00 p.m. with an hour of lunch in between,” she said. Dr. Martinez explained that during office hours, pediatricians see kids who are sick, for example ear infections or stomachaches, as well as well child appointments, such as when kids go for their checkups and shots.

Answer 1

I'm just gonna do some editions for you.

"So [comma] basically[comma] they take care of kids, from birth to 21 years of age. Last week, I had the pleasure to interview my co-workers sister, Melissa Martinez. Dr. Martinez is a pediatrician at Valley Pediatric center. My interview took place at an Italian restaurant called Olive Garden.[you don't need this sentence]

To be honest, this sounds more like a story than an essay. You have most of the essay formula right, but you should sum up what Dr. Martinez said and don't quote her (that just opens up a new can of worms if you quote on an essay). Just take out the description of the Olive Garden and the meal itself, sum it up and paraphrase, and you'll be fine.

Answer 2

A pediatrician is a doctor who specializes in the care and development of children and in the prevention and treatment of children’s diseases. They work to reduce infant and child mortality, control infectious diseases, foster healthy lifestyles, and ease the day-to-day difficulties of children and adolescents with chronic conditions. ** (Are you quoting this from somewhere else? Or are these your own words)** **( If this is a parenthetical reference there need not be quotes, but you need to site your source) ** So basically they **(Get ride of the "so basically" start -- Basically pediatricians take care...) *** take care of kids, from birth to 21 years of age. Last week, I had the pleasure to interview my co-workers sister, Melissa Martinez. Dr. Martinez is a pediatrician at Valley Pediatric center. My interview took place at an Italian restaurant called Olive Garden. I was excited to have the opportunity to find out what a pediatrician is all about.
(Are you still focused on the right topic here or what? This sounds like some poor attempt at writing a story the bulk of what occured during the interview. What were the questions asked and what were the answers? How did she feel about being a doctor of children? What was the most difficulat aspects of her job? Not some dreamy crap about entering the dang door and where you found her ) ** The morning sun warmed out that Saturday. It was around two p.m. when I arrived to the restaurant. I entered the front doors and to my right I immediately spotted Dr.Martinez, a thin, tall, in her mid-forties lady, sitting in a corner table enjoying a cup of coffee. I walked over to the table and she promptly stood up and greeted me with a firm handshake. The restaurant had a delicious, appetizing aroma. As we were anticipating for our warm meals, I asked Dr. Martinez what she enjoyed about being a pediatrician. **(I changed some things around here ) ** She proudly said “I enjoy everything about my job, and I think that most people who choose a career in pediatric feel the same way.” I then asked her what are things you don’t like about being a pediatrician. She started describing a few things she did not enjoy such as, " I don’t like to see kids crying and being in pain, but unfortunately, I’ve had to learn how to deal with that.” She also said that working with insurance companies can get difficult at times.
After a few minutes, a short, young lady wearing black slacks **(why do you go into this silly detail -- say the waitress came -- And you said earlier in this essay that ya'll were enjoying your warm food -- need to watch your details ) ** , and a white long sleeve collar shirt brought our tasty food. The food looked mouth-watering and ready to be eaten. Enjoying our food, Dr. Martinez started explaining what influenced her in becoming a pediatrician. She said she always wanted to be a doctor since she was a little kid. During her third year of attending medical school, she started working with patients such as delivering babies, internal medicine, family practice and pediatrics. “I enjoyed pediatrics and taking care of children the most,” she said staring directly into my eyes behind her roundish glasses. **( this is going weird )** I told her that ever sine I was a little kid, my affection for kids had always been enormous also.
Her professionalism, courtesy, and understanding were helping me understand the pediatric field a little better. Wiping some spaghetti sauce from my lips, I asked Dr. Martinez what was the future for pediatrics. “Pediatrics have a strong future,” Dr. Martinez said with a very confident look, ‘’as long as people keep having babies there will always be a need for pediatricians.” As I asked “What is a typical day for a pediatrician?,” she started explaining her day from beginning to end. “ Well, my day usually begins by going to the hospital to visit any new babies or sick children that have been hospitalized,” she began. “Next, office hours usually begin at 9:00 and continue until 5:00 p.m. with an hour of lunch in between,” she said. Dr. Martinez explained that during office hours, pediatricians see kids who are sick, for example ear infections or stomachaches, as well as well child appointments, such as when kids go for their checkups and shots
**(I have given you some tips -- it isn't necessary to word and quote the stuff you are saying as much as you are. You have so much quoting you can't tell the difference between what you are saying the doctor is saying) **

Answer 3

Hope you can take some constructive criticism! Your essay isn't bad, but it could stand a few changes. And there are some things about your style you could develop more:

1) Don't use 'so basically'. It's very colloquial. Something like 'essentially' may do the trick. A thesaurus is a very handy tool for writing essays.

2) You make a lot of references that seem very out of context about the restaurant. Either make those statements way more discreet or take them out completely. They really detract from the flow.

3) I like the opening paragraph, but the rest isn't really essay style. It is written like a story in the format of an essay, which do not work well together. What does what Dr. Martinez' looks have to do with anything. And don't use quotations!

4) I hope that this IS supposed to be an opinion essay because if not, you're in trouble. This is not an objective point of view, and you should also get this checked over for grammar

I studied professional writing in university so I know the drill. If you need to e-mail me it's '[e-mail]'. Good luck and best wishes!

Answer 4

Open a new word document and open a google page. Look up the topic of your essay on google. Copy and paste any sentences or paragraphs that interest you and also copy some pictures into a new folder. Now rearrange the words until your page makes sense. Then go through as many words as you can with a thesaurus to hand and change some words into different ones with the same meaning. Either use a word template for school essays that will change the layout and typeface and then print out along with an image - or write out by hand, and make a painting of the picture on the front page under the title. Either way - presentation will gain you extra points so buy a document holder which binds the pages in some way - eg, a clear document holder with polly pockets or if your parents own a binding machine that can make it look professional even better! Good luck!

Answer 5

You are mostly telling me what happen at the restaurant. You start about what a pediatrician does for a profession and then you go to your interview. You need to develop a thesis and have three main points that support your evidence. It sounds like a good paper but you need to have everything worked out in order. All you need is your thesis which is your introduction to your paper. You can make the thesis as long as you want. You can start with your interview and then mention at the end 3 mains points that a pediatrician does for a living. After you have develop your thesis you can start your next three ideas in three different paragraphs. This is where you will develop your ideas on that one specific topic. At the end you have you conclusion and you mention why you want to be a pediatrician. In the very end you should have 5 paragraphs. Let me know if this helped you out.

Answer 6

It's good that you added from birth to age 21, but "So basically" doesn't sound good.
"Last week, I had the pleasure of interviewING my coworker's..."
"...a thin, tall lady, in her middle forties."
"...choose a career in pediatricS feels..."
"...a white, long-sleeved collar shirt..." remove collar or "...a white, long-sleeved shirt with a collar
"...tasty food. The food looked mouth watering..." you said it was tasty before you ate any.
"...ever sinCe I was a little kid..."

I don't know what your assignment is, but the essay so far is very heavy on Olive Garden descriptions rather then pediatrics. If the essay is to be on pediatrics, I suggest spending more time discussing what she said or insert some other research on pediatrics. Good luck!

Answer 7

I think it's good except for a few lines such as "I enter the front doors and to my right and I immediately spotted Dr Martinez, a thin, tall, in her mid fourties lady. You may want to shorten that to "I enter the restaurant and immediately spotted Dr Martinez, a thin, tall lady who look like she's in her mid fourties. Jus an opinion.

Answer 8

Instead of saying 'coworkers sister', it should read 'coworker's sister, Dr. Melissa Martinez.' Leave out where you interviewed, but leave in the sentence about you being exicted, leave out the part about the sun to anticipating the warm meals, but leave in the rest of the sentence. Leave out the word 'proudy'. Leave out her describing a few things. Leave out the waitress part all the way to enjoying the food, but leave in Dr. Martinez explaining what influenced her to become a pediatrician.
Leave out 'staring directly into my eyes behind her roundish glasses'. Leave out your explanation to her about children. Leave out wiping spaghetti sauce, but leave in the question. It's not pediatrics have, it's pediatrics has. Leave out 'with a very confident look'. Leave out 'As I asked' and put 'I asked 'at the end of the question. Leave out 'she started explaining her day from beginning to end'. Leave in her answer. Leave out 'she said'. Semi colon after kids who are sick; stomach aches is two words. Don't say as well as well, leave as well as out. And since is spelled with a c in it. If you have any other questions after this, let me know.

Answer 9

Start with a hook, a quote from the pediatrician, or a question such as . . ."Say ahhh! Do you want a sticker or a lolliop? this won't hurt a bit." then tell about your thoughts and feelings about pediatricians before you interviewed them, then conclude it with a quote that you remember the most from the interview.

Answer 10

Sorry but it doesnt really sound like an essay ... sound more like those " this summer I......"