I'm a lesbian and I've been dating my girlfriend a long time and I love her very much. Our relationship is pretty great (except that she's away in the army right now). The only problem is, her WHOLE family (parents, siblings, aunts, uncles... etc.) is really religious. Her parents found out about one of her and her exes once, and they punished her and sent her to therapy and all kinds of nasty stuff until she said she was "cured". Neither of our families know about our relationship (with the exception of my little, very accepting sister), but I feel I'm ready to come out to my family. My girlfriend tries to tell me not to for fear of my parents telling her parents and being disowned. I asked her once how she'd rather come out: them finding out, or her telling them, and she said neither. I don't want to force her to come out, but I'm afraid we'll never get to live the life we both want if she doesn't tell them. And soon. What should I do, if anything?
2006-10-17 16:07:46 · 22 answers · asked by youarebummy 1 in Society & Culture ➔ Cultures & Groups ➔ Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender
Since she is away write her a very long letter,make sure she knows how important she is to you, tell her you must come out and her too.It is very hard to try to live a lie, not healthy.If they Love Jesus they should have nothing but love and compassion.
If a parent disowns there own child,the shame is on them.I am
a straight mother of three.My Son told me when he was 58 years old,How did that effect me ? I was heartbroken to know He lived all those years in fear and hiding.I love him deeply.I wish you both all the best.P.S. I am a devote Christian
2006-10-17 16:23:28 · answer #1 · answered by gwhiz1052 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I know exactly (well kinda) how you feel! None of my family knows that I am bisexual and if I told them, my mom's side of the family (with a few exceptions) would disown me and start praying for me and tell the devil to get out of me. My dad's side of the family is more accepting though, and less religious. But my mom's side are those crazy Christians that think everything that is not white and straight is bad. And yet, I can't stop loving them for being my family and doing so much for me (they really are good people deep down). So, I guess I will never come out until my grandma, grandpa, and most of my aunts and uncles die. But it is an individual decision (i just think my way is the easiest for everyone).
2006-10-17 16:17:11 · answer #2 · answered by Serious 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You cannot make the decision to come out for her. If you do, you will lose her because in this type of situation, she'll give you up before taking a chance at her families abuse again.
Come out to your family if you want, but leave her out of it.
My g/f (and we are 50ish) does not want to tell her elderly parents about our relationship of 4 years. When they are here, I am the "best friend" and I pretend I'm just dropping by to say hello. I was really angry the first time it happened but then I decided that its on her, not on me, and if she doesn't want to come out to her parents, then so be it. I am not out to mine either (also elderly) however if my mother asked, I would tell her the truth. I just know she won't ask.
You may have to end this relationship to get the kind of life you want, or you can live in secret. In the end, do what's best for you.
2006-10-17 16:22:55 · answer #3 · answered by tjnstlouismo 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is tough because your girl has strong family ties. I wouldn't pressure her into coming out to her family at all. If anything, it'd be best to leave that topic on the shelf for a while. I know it's hard and quite unfair on your part. But if you really love your girl, it would be worth it. I can relate to you, because my girl had the same problem before. But when she came out to her mom, her mom accepted her choice because she really trusts my girl. In your case, your girl's family sounds like they would not want to accept your girl's choice at all. So, if I were you, I'd leave the matter alone for the time being. And if I couldn't take it anymore, I'd opt for a break from the girl. Let things run its natural course for a while. Maybe it's just not the right time for you guys yet. Best of luck!
2006-10-17 16:13:33 · answer #4 · answered by - iceman - 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Dear Goatswill- Now let me get this straight. Because her parents love Jesus they hate gays? Whats up with that? I thought he was the Prince of Peace, and that he did not judge. My daughter came out to me about 16 years ago, and I had no problem with it. Eventually you will need to do the same with both sets of parents. Your girlfriend is in the Army for heavens sake, so I assume you are both of legal age.That means you are adults and not your parents babies or property. You're both going to have to face it together. When you do you will find that you have gained self respect along with emancipation. While you may lose the support of your families, you will find many other friends who are in the same situation. I wish you well!
2006-10-17 16:44:15 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Oh my god that is the worst thing! I truly hate how stupid people are, especially the ones who insist that God will hate everyone who is gay. I mean come on! I am bisexual and you don't see me burning from the lightning he throws at evil people. I don't have a bad life, I have no bad karma, nothing. They should just grow up and realize that society has changed from the times of the bible (no offense..but times have changed) and that people are different. Yes those cities were burned by God but it wasnt over the gay people being in them, it was because everybody was so promiscuous (sp?). Sorry I dont know the names of the cities either..
But what she should do is come out to them, they have no right to do any of what they did to her, let alone again. She is a grown woman and can rightfully sue and press charges if any one of them hurts her in such a way. It's against the law what they did to her, I can't believe people, god it just makes me sick.
I really really hope things turn out well for you and your girlfriend, I am truly sorry that had to happen to her.
2006-10-17 16:24:57 · answer #6 · answered by Zillah 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
goatswilleatyou,
What's the deal? Now the worst thing about all of this is that you are not with her because she is in the military. But if she is faithful to you, and you are to her, let it go!
If the relationship feels okay with you then, it's the relationship that really concerns you. Her parents reacted like a lot of parents would if they had the resources to do what they did. But that is not your relationship.
Personally I would want to make sure that she remains a Christian, because I think that it's the most important thing in this whole affair, but you and her are okay with eachother, right? Then be happy! Let tomorrow take care of itself.
EDITED BECAUSE I MUST HAVE ORIGINALLY WRITTEN THIS LIKE A THIRD GRADER!
2006-10-17 16:34:59 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Please don't force the issue for HER by telling YOUR parents who then might tell HER parents; that just wouldn't be fair to her at all.
If you are both old enough and financially capable of moving far away and living together out of sight of all the opinionated people in BOTH your lives, THAT is the strategy I would highly recommend!
Good luck, whatever you do!
2006-10-17 16:21:00 · answer #8 · answered by backinbowl 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
A certain young man, who was wearing nothing but a linen sheet, was following Jesus. When the men grabbed him, Mark 14:51. Hooya.
2016-05-21 22:32:10 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
i think you should respect her religion...i dont know if what im saying would make you upset or what. but i think since her family strongly believes in their religion.its mean to make them go you and your gf's way..this would be selfish..
i think if you both really wanna get together,you all ought to let her family knows..patience and time is important. if you truly cherish the relationship,make it openly...
explain and talk to the parents.
they wil sure be lots of arguments and quarrels.
but no matter what,its a respect for the parents and their religion as well.
no matter how much cold wars and scolding and embarrassment you guys gonna face,its worth it.
you gotta help the parents to learn to accept too.
=)
2006-10-17 16:13:20 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋