my husband and i just got married we have been married now for 6 months and now hes saying that im smothering him. i know i am but i cant help it. i love being around him. and i cant live with out him. he says he loves me but he just needs a little space whatever that means but i dont know it just seems like now that we r married he spends most of his time without me either playing video games or hanging out with his friends what should i do?
2006-10-17 15:52:54 · 18 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Silly to think you "can't live without him" and yet indulge in behavior that is driving him away. The 1st year of marriage is hard because each of you had different expectations going in, and now you have to learn the art of compromise. Tell him how you feel and then suggest he make a short list, maybe of 3 to 5 things, of things that are most important to him for you to change (small, specific changes). For example, his list might say something like, 1. No phone calls at work unless it's an emergency; 2. One night out with the boys weekly with no complaining from you; 3. When I get in the door give me a kiss and then give me a half hour to unwind before you talk to me or hang on me...just pretend I'm not there. You could then write the same kind of list, for example yours could be: 1. Make a 5 minute call to me every day at your lunch hour, 2. Have a date night with me once a week where I have your full attention, 3. set aside a half hour 5 evenings per week where you do nothing else and we just talk. The 2 of you could commit to making just those changes for each other, no matter how hard it is. If this improves things, you could build on this concept to respect each other's needs better. Neither one of you is right or wrong, you just have different needs and if you don't learn to respect each other's boundaries you will end up hating each other. Marriage takes work but if you do the work, you can have a marriage as happy as you ever dreamed it could be. God Bless.
2006-10-17 16:07:45 · answer #1 · answered by z 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Well, he isn't acting like a husband if he's playing video games and hanging with his friends, is he? How can you love him? He's not acting like a man, but a kid! You are being too clingy, though. Did you talk about what your marriage would be like before you got married? You should have a job. Do you? And you should spend a little time with your own friends or family, too. I think the two of you are not in the same place and need some counseling. Get to a marriage counselor before things go from bad to worse.
2006-10-17 16:01:12 · answer #2 · answered by Wiser1 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think it's time for a sit-down chat with hubby. But not until you are prepared to offer sacrifices of your smothering tactics.
Prepare him in advance and don't attack him and don't surprise him. Just tell him what you told us and ask how you can show him that you are giving him space. I think there is room for compromise of both sides here, and success depends on how gently and tactfully you approach the subject.
If you wanna really be cool about it, read Dave Ramsey's book The Total Money Makeover. Therein he suggests you and hubby develop a monthly budget in advance, and agree to item by item. This is a nonconfrontational way to focus on your shared goals and aspirations. www.daveramsey.com Good Luck
2006-10-17 16:00:39 · answer #3 · answered by snvffy 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Smothering Him
2017-01-17 12:18:34 · answer #4 · answered by jannelle 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Time alone and time with friends is a healthy part of marriage. Just because you got married doesn't make you two joined at the hip. Give him some space and soon you'll find him being the one to come to you...
2006-10-17 15:58:06 · answer #5 · answered by Who, me? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Give him time, he'll grow out of it. He just needs time to adjust to being married, it's always a tradition. Try to find a hobby, like a yoga class or a book club, that will take you away from him for a while. You'd be surprised at how much that will help things.
2006-10-17 16:04:33 · answer #6 · answered by Pink Denial 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
maybe he isnt used to having undivided attention on him 24/7, even though you are just doing it outta love for him if you dont listen to what he is saying then you will risk losing him. the smoothering feeling may soon turn to a trapped feeling and we all know that only leads to trouble with a capital T . maybe try spending more time hanging out with your friends or perhaps join an interest group so you dont have the need or time to smoother him, good luck with it
2006-10-17 16:00:48 · answer #7 · answered by slippery seal 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Go hang out with your friends or family.
While he's playing video games....go in the other room and put on some dance music and show him that you can feel comfortable with him just being there and not all over him.
Maybe he has 'gas' and doesnt want to stink you out of the room. lol Girl, let him have some space! ;)
2006-10-17 15:59:38 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
No- put the pillow down. Couples need their "alone time" so that when they get back together they can share their experiences and have something to talk about. Also- men need to be able to get away to think about all that is going on and digest it. If you and your husband spent every moment together you both would be sick of each other. As .38 Special sang "Hold on loosely, but don't let go."
2016-05-21 22:29:30 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
No matter what kind of relationship you are in, they all need space. I have recently learned that. You also one day will want your own space and then you will understand that it is not necessarily that the person does not care about you or want to be with you, but it is just as simple as they are just a little bit more of a loner than you are.
2006-10-17 16:03:39 · answer #10 · answered by BB 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋