Why is it that husbands are sex-craved and wives are more hesitant?

Question

I take care of everything in the house and the kids and go to nursing school. While dividing up my attention to everybody and everything, by the end of the day, I'm exhausted and I don't have the energy to put out. I told my husband that if he pitches in more, it will ease my tension and take some burden off my shoulders. He don't feel that is the problem. He feels that I should want it no matter what. Alot of my friends (female) feel the same way I do. Our sex drive just isn't like our husbands and we can hardly keep up. I understand the necessity to satisfy their urges before they go about cheating maybe; however, the battle of the sexes seem to linger on. Sex just isn't as important to female (not all) than it is for males. What do you think?

Answer 1

You answered your own question. You are exhausted at the end of the day from all the multi-tasking and don't want to deal with one more chore which is what sex becomes when you don't get the help you need and don't feel loved & appreciated by your husband. If your husband refuses to believe that his lack of help is the problem, WHAT does he think IS the problem? How would he feel if you told him, I don't see not having sex as a problem?

Sex is not as important to females because we don't use that to validate our womanhood. A man uses sex as a way to validate his manhood and keep up his ego. If you refuse him for any reason at all the ego suffers and he sees it as rejection.

It's kind of a vicious cycle - the man sees lack of sex as the problem, the woman sees lack of help from the man as the reason for lack of sex. I think it honestly takes giving a little bit by both partners to break that vicious cycle. You should make the effort in bed and he should make the effort in the house to ease your burden.

Answer 2

Your husband sounds like he has high testosterone. Remember the feeling you had when you hadn't had sex in months? That is what it's like for him ALL DAY EVERY DAY. Having less sex will probably only make him focus his sexual attention on someone else. Not right away, but the desire to have sex will nag so relentlessly that he will eventually look for some other way to have sex. It will probably start with porn then he will stumble upon hookup sites. I have used them and can tell you they work very well. Once he finds another outlet for his high sex drive, you will have lost him. I found women with sex drives that matched mine within a few days online. If your husband has as high of a sex drive, thank your stars he isn't cheating already. So, how can you survive this high sex drive. Firstly, realize that this could last until he is old. It will probably always be higher than normal. Secondly, you will have to manage it like an illness. Think diabetes. What you wont be able to do is actually lower his sex drive. My suggestion is that you figure out how much sex it takes to keep him from going bonkers and make sure you have at least that much. Also, he does not see you as a sex object. He sees you as his ONLY honorable means for dealing with his sex drive. Men's love is expressed sexually and even if you had sex twice a day, every day for a year, you still would not be having more than an hour or two of sex a day and your TV watching will still waste more time than sex does... so don't try pulling the 'I'm busy' card. He will see right through it. Men can be on their death bed and still want sex. You are going to have to set some ground rules down and preferably on paper. However, if you don't also balance that with a list of when you DO want sex, you will turn into the woman who fights against sex and he will find someone else who does want sex every day. Trust me, I have slept with these women... they DO exist. The most important factor is to ALWAYS turn down sex in a 'let's do it later' kind of way. If you EVER call him sick, a pig or any other negative term, you will permanently destroy his love for you. Always defer to a later date. He can't help his level of testosterone any more than you can 'decide' to not have a period. It's just part of his physiology. For better or worse... you chose to be with him. Either meet his need or he will find someone who will.

Answer 3

well ana, i think you have a point and this is why. It has nothing to do with male/female. In my relationship my boyfriend stays home cooks cleans takes care of the kids. I work. I want sex like daily, and he doesn't. He's always tired when I get home from work. I'm tired while I'm at work, but energetic when I get home. I'm not sure how to get this evened out, but whenever we go on vacation or stay somewhere for a night even, he's back to wanting it. Maybe it's the monotony of being home everyday. I don't know.

Answer 4

Ditto, ditto, ditto...did I say ditto??? We need to be fed emotionally...why don't they get that? If we are fed emotionally, then we want to perform sexual favors. If your honey was going to nursing school ( I am a nurse...school was very difficult...and put children on top of that, plus the house, cleaning, cooking and a husband?? I'm exhausted just typing the words!!!) I have come to the conclusion that we are not going to figure men out. They are different than we are in so many ways. Good luck.

Answer 5

What an azzholeyo! My step-father and my mom have the same situation! You're deff. not alone on this one. I'd say for you to "give him alowence" Maybe tell him, "Hey look, if I see that you are pulling some weight around here then we'll have fun later tonight." Make it a game or something;)

Answer 6

There is a book called "The Naked Ape" by Desmond Morris. It's been around a very long time... but it explains why men and women are different in their approach to sexuality. You are right, there is a basic difference. As long as you understand that, it helps. I once explained to my husband that it's kind of like eating. If a person eats all day, they never develop an appetite.... and if he wants me to be as interested in sex as he is... then he has to slack off a bit and allow me to get hungry. That helped.

I♥♫→mia☼☺†

Answer 7

testosterone and yeah sometimes it sucks because the wife don't have it to give then we feel like you don't care, and remember you probably had sex every night before marriage and he was working or whatever then, our lives don't chage much but yours do. my wife(who i love dearly) still puts that in my head sometimes.so remember he loves you but your breaking one of our favorite habits

Answer 8

My guess is that you are young. Women typically reach their sexual peak around 35 years old. You'll want it more then and he'll probably want it less. Remember this when that happens.

Answer 9

I have the opposite problem and I know a lot of other girls who do, too. But really, you should get him to help you out, that's unhealthy.

Answer 10

Get a life girl