I was proposed to by a guy a few days ago and I am really deeply in love with him BUT we've only known each other for 9/10 months, and I don't want this to end in divorce like so many marriages do. Should I wait, or say yes??
2006-10-17 14:48:52 · 29 answers · asked by Penelope L 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
You need to have about two years with someone to really know them. If you decide to say yes, make it a LONG engagement.
2006-10-17 14:50:28 · answer #1 · answered by OleMarbleEyes 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
If you are really in love and are just worried about marriage and divorce in general, then I would say go for it. However, if you have specific questions about your relationship, then wait. You don't have to say no as a final answer.
Tell him that you want a solid lasting relationship and you'd like to explore what marriage would mean for you and him. Then sit down and have a very serious talk. You love each other, but what do you think about religion, children, working, money, where to live, household chores, etc? These are important questions to ask and should be considered by anyone getting married. Also ask him what kind of spouse does he want, and tell him what you want as well. If your answers are encouraging, then you've got love and the practical things together. Time doesn't cure this--some couples never get it together even after years of dating.
And if things don't work out with the questions, it doesn't mean you guys have to break up. You just might not be ready for the marriage commitment yet, but you may be 6 months from now. The conversation will help strengthen your relationship and show you the truth.
And I will say this--you say you love him deeply. What do you think you will find out about him say a year from now that you don't already know? If you can answer that, then wait. If you can't think of anything, then I think you have your answer. Good luck;-)
2006-10-17 15:18:30 · answer #2 · answered by Jessica 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
The problem isn't whether you have known each other long enough, it's the fact that you feel you haven't known him long enough and seem to feel it's too soon to make this commitment. Follow your instincts! The length of time you date a person doesn't mean a marriage will fail or last a life time. If you need more time to get to know this man, tell him. If he truly loves you he will understand and want you to be happy too. If he starts putting on a lot of pressure and the the red flags go up, run!
2006-10-17 14:57:31 · answer #3 · answered by sistervoodoo2 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
If you're currently unsure about it, talk with him and let him know how you feel. He may also be a little unsure about things.
You're right to worry about divorce but when you get married doesn't always correspond to the likelihood of divorce.
The best example I can give is that my girlfriend and I were dating for about a year. One day, she asked me to marry her. I replied that this was all so sudden and could I have a week to think about it. She said "Yes" and then I said "Yes" at the end of the week. Our engagement lasted another year during which we really found out about each other. We just celebrated 29 years of marriage with no end in sight.
Hope this gives you some insight.
2006-10-17 14:56:10 · answer #4 · answered by eriurana 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
The fact that you seem blown away by this proposal says that you're not certain that this is what you want. You're in love with him saying no may drive him away and saying yes may put pressure on you. Obviously he loves you and you him so talk to him about your fears of a marriage. Perhaps an engagement keep him there and you can always break it off if the pressure is too much
2006-10-17 15:12:36 · answer #5 · answered by always angry 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
let me tell you a little story..... i met this marine , he proposed to me 2 months after we've met..i acepted, we got married 3 weeks after., now we have been married for 18 years. my point is it does not matter how long u wait! it wont make a difference ! matter is that u both respect and love and listen to each other's needs. couples can last for a life time, even if just met now n married a month later.
2006-10-17 15:46:39 · answer #6 · answered by ALL4 ONE&1FOR ALL! AMERICA! 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
no one can answer but you, I knew my husband for 3 months before we got married, same for my dad and mom and their parents, so I come from a long line of short time engagments....... but, here is an idea, if you feel being enganged is ok, make it a long one, around a yr...... explain openly and honestly to him how you feel... use the time to get to know each other and all that jazz,if after around 8 months or so you still feel the same about him. LOVE, then use the rest of the yr to plan the wedding........ nothing wrong with a long engagement, it used to be the IN thing........ God bless
2006-10-17 14:55:27 · answer #7 · answered by Annie 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
well you say you are in love...enough to get married? well if you have to question yourself perhaps you should wait. If you do say yes then maybe make it a long engagement. You want to be sure. do you live together? I know for a lot of people it is taboo but honestly in this day you really should know what you are getting into.
2006-10-17 14:53:35 · answer #8 · answered by MellyK1234 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Set a wedding date for one year after the engagement. That should give you enough time. If he really cares for you, he'll wait. And you can always move the wedding date up if you decide he's absolutely the right one.
2006-10-17 14:55:25 · answer #9 · answered by Stimpy 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
How can we tell you whether or not to get married? We dont know if he is right for you and vice versa. But I think that is way too short of a time, but who knows things happen...you are more likely than not to get divorced anyway, btw the numbers are not in your favor.
2006-10-17 14:51:32 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋