I am in the process of a messy divorce; been married for 12 years, and have kids together. Husband is a violent alcoholic. I now have a temporary R.O. against him due to domestic violence. I KNOW there is nothing about this relationship (except my children) worth salvaging, and I just want out. I have met someone that I really like. Is it so wrong to want to spend time with him? Or, should I put my life on hold (more than I already have for this S.O.B.) and wait until the divorce is final?
2006-10-17 14:19:21 · 16 answers · asked by in love love love... 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
The fact you are asking this question is a sign of what your answer will be. Personally (ethically, morally etc) I would wait till the divorce is final to do anything more then talk on the phone. Reason number one- even if you are glad the relationship is over you have 12 years of history to come to grips with. 2- you have children who are more then likely going through some pretty rough emotions (hate for bad dad, sadness of break up of family etc). Regardless of age they need you now more then ever. By taking some time just with them you are giving them a base of which to deal with their feelings. They need to know you are there for them. 3- For the sake of a future relationship with this great guy do the honorable thing- start a new relationship free and clear. There would be no guilt no second thoughts- just a great start to a hopefully great relationship. Good Luck
2006-10-17 14:52:54 · answer #1 · answered by gizbit76 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hold your horses for a while!!! Specially if you say your soon to be ex husband is so violent! Restraining orders are just a piece of paper you know! Unfortunately there have been way to many violent acts committed against women with R.O.'s which the perpetrator had no respect for so, don't put yourself into a situation you know that is very volatile at this precise moment in your life. Remember, you have children to protect. Also, he may use this new relationship against you in court. He may even try to hurt the new guy!!! This situation has a NO written all over it.
2006-10-17 14:51:10 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
No need to put your life on hold if you have already decided to get a divorce. If you were seperated I might say wait a while and see if you can reconcile with your mate but I this case I think it will be ok. I personally started dating 3 months into my separation, but I think she and I both knew there was no reconciling. Go slow dont jump into anything too fast and enjoy the new lease on life.
2006-10-17 14:34:30 · answer #3 · answered by snoop_dougie_doug04 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should wait. What are you teaching your children (under 12 years old, right?) about family and other relationships if you just jump into another relationship quickly? Spend some time alone and show your kids that they are safe and secure. Later, you can work on bringing people in.
2006-10-17 14:29:30 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If the divorce has been filed and all your waiting for is the judgement and there are already court ordered R.O's then I wouldn't be concerned about another relationship. go ahead and strart living your life for what makes you happy.
2006-10-17 18:23:26 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would wait, I know it sucks to keep giving in and putting your life on hold but you don't want anyone else to get involve in the drama and if he is violent he could end up hurting you even more or your new friend. Be safe and patient.
2006-10-17 14:25:02 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
You may think that this is Mr. Right but after 6 months or so you will have realized that this was a big mistake. Take the time to work on yourself. Don't rush things.
2006-10-17 14:56:46 · answer #7 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You're going to hate hearing this, but I think it's wrong for reasons other than legal or moral. You need time to get your bearings, so to speak, then date. Jumping right in, unless you're a big long term cheater or something, is rebounding, and that's usually not with a good outcome to one's overall sense of wellbeing and happiness.
Good luck with your future, and the decision is ultimately yours.
2006-10-17 14:24:10 · answer #8 · answered by *babydoll* 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
If you are just getting out of one bad relationship, why don't you take time to reflect on what you really want before jumping into another??
2006-10-17 14:22:09 · answer #9 · answered by ? 3 · 3⤊ 0⤋
If he is as bad as you say, go for it!!! You have already moved on, just remember your children they are the ones suffering the most so don't do anything to jeopardize their innocence.
2006-10-17 14:23:20 · answer #10 · answered by - 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋