Ready for more Word Salad?

Question

Please make a paragraph containing the following words and phrases. Feel free to change the word order, word tense and all that stuff. I’m looking for the best rolling on the floor laughing my _*a*s*s off answer. I'll leave this open a few days...

“Farm use only”
Reported!
ceremony
Episcopalians
Snarky
"2007 Maybach 57”
"Them people’s"
"honey pot"
Miscreant
Normal
Polygraph
“Sheet rock”
Bowser
Smile

Extra credit: Geoduck

Answer 1

'Gooey-duck.'

'Sorry, Holmes?'

'Gooey-duck, Watson, not 'gee-oh-duck' - that sounds like a waterfowl with a penchant for Geography', replied the snarky detective, pulling his finger slowly out of Mrs Fossington's honey pot and looking at it closely.

(To prevent this answer from being reported, I must point out, dear reader, that Mrs Fossington was not present, and her honey pot had been purchased, as normal, from the local supermarket.)

'This honey has been left uncovered on this dining table for at least 10 days, Watson.'

'Thus, the miscreant abducted Mrs Fossington on...um, 14th March', smiled Watson, with his typical polygraph-beating sincerity. Solving cases was not his forte, but basic maths was.

'Not so', replied Holmes, staring out of the window. 'Like the word 'geoduck', there are hidden complexities. And like the running taps and uncovered food in this house, it's a deliberate red herring. Note the 2007 Maybach 57 parked in the driveway?'

'Yes, it's Mrs Fossington's, we know that. So?'

'Also note that the windshield wipers have freshly-fallen autumn leaves trapped in them. Yet we are in a forested area with nothing but pines for miles around.'

'That means that someone's driven it very recently.'

'Not someone - Mrs Fossington herself. I don't think we really have a 'Missing Person' here at all, Watson.'

Holmes surveyed the large room with his keen eyes. Something clearly was troubling him.

'There are six paintings in this room, Watson, all by Vermeer. Five are authentic, and one is not, suggesting it was placed there later. Can you see which one it is?'

'Well...no.'

Holmes strode purposefully across the room and stood in front of a huge painting of a church wedding.

'Watson, yo Mamma so dumb, when she fall sick, they give her medicine marked 'Farm Use Only'. Damn, dis paintin' be fake, yo!' he exclaimed, pointing at the canvas. 'An Episcopalians' wedding ceremony wud have a bishop gettin' jiggy wid da choir boyz, 'coz dat wat them peoples do', said Holmes, in his first-ever burst of Ebonics since 1879.

Watson stared at his colleague in amazement.

'Sorry, Watson, old chap, don't know what came over me. Now, get hold of that end, and let's move this painting off the wall.'

The painting, once removed, revealed a secret trap door drilled into the sheet rock. Flinging it open, the two detectives were astonished to find Mrs Fossington in a passionate clench with a Bichon Frisse.

'I know it looks bad', she said, adjusting her bra strap. 'But nothing really happened. Bowzer here's been neutered.'

Answer 2

Is it considered normal when a snarky miscreanted Episcopalian uses a polygraph instead of a honey pot during a ceremony, especially when it is clearly labeled 'For Farm Use Only'? I think not. Them peoples better wisen up before they get reported. Then I saw Bowser smiling at the 2007 Maybach 57 as if it was some kind of Geoduck. I think next time, I will buy my sheet rock someplace else.

Answer 3

Honey pot, them people's ceremony ain't normal. They took a 2007 Maybach 57 out to the water, and put up some kind of sheet rock barrier so we couldn't see it, but I know what they was doin'! And I ain't tellin' tall tales, this is true as if it was reported! I'll take a polygraph on it, and you can tell Bowser to bite my as$ if I'm lyin'.

So this miscreant goes out in the water with a big smile on his face and gets him a big ol' geoduck, nasty thing looks downright obscene. Now, good Episcopalians would never do a ceremony like that, so I don't know exactly what he was doin' behind the sheet rock. I just bet he took one of them tubs of grease labeled Farm Use Only that they use when they have to artificially inseminate the livestock. Well, how else would you do anything with a geoduck? The things are the size of a summer sausage! And he starts to singin' and chantin', and they're dancin' around the barrier, and...you don't even want to know the rest of it. Well, you probably DO want to know, but I've said too much already. I don't want to be snarky about it--you know people have religious freedom even if I think it's a load of horsesh!t. Just you stay away from the water and leave them geoducks to the freaks with their farm grease. Nasty, nasty business.

But right entertainin' to watch!

Answer 4

Smile! for the new "2007 maybach 57" is on sale now! it has been rated 2 thumbs waaaay up by 'Snarkey Epsicopalians weekly' with saying "Farm use only" & Sheet rock"! the 'Normal miscreatant' is quoted as saying "'them people's' 'honey pot' the bowser won't be the same after this ride comes driving throw, as if it were a ceremony. this spiify new ride even got 'polygraph Reported!' saying "GREAT SPLIFFWIZARD! SUCH ALICE CHAOS UNDER THE HOOD!" so whadya for, a midlife crisies? a family member to croak? no more roomates?
stop procrastingating today, payments can be as low as $777 a month!

Answer 5

...
"them people's" Martha began to say, " are nothing but snarky miscreants that should be Reported!"
she never held a smile for the Episcopalians that lived a seemingly normal life down the road. but that never stopped Martha from snidely talking about them to her husband, frank.
but as always, it fell on deaf ears, as frank never cared for such matters. instead, he would preoccupied his mind with "more important matters". such matters on mind this time was the "2007 Maybach 57" ceremony, that needed to be planned.
he was informed of his duty to plan the event while working at the local bowser. going over odd bits of merchandise, & mumbleing some of what they had to say. "polygrapgh"..."sheet rock"..."honey pot"..."Farm use only"... "wingdittles"...
this continued on for a good ten minutes until he thought he saw a "customer" trying to shoplift some valueables. but this thief was very cunning & frank johannessen was very, VERY gullible. so the thief, who dispite his looks, was well into his twenties, began to state that he was "an official dongleberries representitve", & that they were planning to hold a festifal in the nearly isolated town. & that he was mearly looking for someone grand enough to help set things in order.
...

Answer 6

"You Geoduck!" snarled the Episcopalian. "Farm use only! I've told you miscreant kids a thousand times to stay out of my fields!"
Andrew walked dejectedly out of the farm. Sighing to himself, he said, "Them people's makin' a honey pot of trouble."
Bowser, Andrew's best friend who was waiting at the drive, lunged at Andrew. "What'd he do?"
"Sheet rock, Bowser! Scare me to death!" snapped Andrew. "It ain't normal...that polygraph family ought to be reported! They're just a bunch of 2007 Maybach 57s'!" (note to asker: i'm using it as an insult, but what is a 2007 Maybach 57?)
Bowser smiled. "Well, Snarky the Farmer always enjoys a ceremony of miscreants. He porved that much to us...'Geoduck'!"

Answer 7

Shakespeare woke up early one morning, slipped on his blue denims and headed for the kitchen. There he ate a breakfast of sliced bananas and cocoa puffs in his well-liked crystal bowl. whilst he replaced into finished he desperate he could take a walk down by using the river. After putting on his coat and boots,he opened his front door, and to his ask your self the floor replaced into lined with a crisp, white layer of snow. whilst he have been given to the banks of the river, he found out that he replaced into no longer the only one that were caught off safeguard by using the freezing climate. For there in the frozen river replaced right into a sight, that to right this moment, has in no way been beheld by using yet another guy or woman. A frog, replaced into suspended in mid air..confident frozen reliable, basically as he had leapt from the jaws of a great alligator! The alligator's mouth nevertheless extensive open in anticipation of a hour of darkness snack, frozen basically like the little frog. Shakespeare thought for a 2nd approximately what he could desire to do, the solar replaced into heat and that little frog could be a goner for particular. finally, he remembered his crow bar that he had carry on the dep. of a tree basically 2 days in the previous. basically as Shakespeare replaced into approximately to smack the frog out of harms way the ice thawed sufficient for the alligators mouth to snap close, and correctly, the frog escaped and swam domicile to tell his frog family contributors of his adventure. The alligator swam away with a grin, and Shakespeare...properly, no person ever knew what grew to alter into of him. All that replaced into left replaced into the crow bar on the backside of that previous river.