I have been married only 2 1/2 months and am already thinking of dovorce or annulment.?

Question

He is a recovering alcoholic and drug addict, and was raised by an alcoholic father. He is also manic deressive and on medication. I knew this when we got married. He cannot maintain an erection. He knows he cannot perform but still tries, which makes me hate the idea of sex more and more. Until 2 weeks ago, when I found out he is into porn. If it was straight porn, I could handle it. What I cannot handle is the fact that he likes seeing little girls. I had no clue before we married. His family and our friends have no idea. He promised me that he would delete all of it and never look at ANY porn anymore. I looked at his history and as of today he is still looking at porn, though I have NOT seen anymore kiddie porn.The idea of him touching me anymore disgusts me, and I want out. But, at the same time I want to see if he can be treated and we can fix this thing. He sees a shrink for the depression and meds he is on. The shrink wants to see me too. Do I tell all??

Answer 1

ok let me get this straight the guy has a background you KNEW about and still married him. he is on anti depressants which i know cause side effects sexually(my wife is on them) but yet he still tries to please you. he looked at child porn(that is sick) and promised to delete it all but you found more ,but not child porn. and your mad at him for that .
first his background that you knew about prior to the wedding and the anti deprssants cut him some slack there it is not all his fault and he is seeking help. he is also trying to please you sexually although he can't. at least he cares enough about you to try
the child porn i can't defend much. but i do know this if you took the traditional wedding vows you said in sickness and in health. i think this is a sickness.yes you tell the Dr and yes you stay with him and support him he needs all the help and love he can get.
while my wife dont have those problems,she was raped.then on her previous wedding night her ex beat her then i come along and know all of that plus a few things even her parents don't know but did i run .. no,why because i love her more than anything but my son,God,and Jesus. yes we have problems but we find ways around them. yes her med make it where she cannot sexually perform but we found ways around that also.
alot of these people in here are most likely not even married let alone been married to someone with a bad background and depression. If you need to get a hypnotist sometimes they can dig deeper into his mind to find out his feelings and why he does the things he does. but stick with him, unless the medicle help does not work then conceder leaving.One thing is for sure though if you leave him now he may turn to trying to have sex with a child. this is a very delicate case that needed to be looked at in different views not just your own.

Answer 2

Obviously, he still needs a ton of medical care. You shouldn't have married him in the stage he was at because right now he's at a vulnerable stage. He's not officially over his depression and all his other problems, which can cause problems in your marriage.
The best bet if you want to save the marriage for you is to separate yourself for quite some time. Allow him some time to see a shrink more, get more help, hopefully put on better medication, and then see if the relationship is worth having.
If I were you, though, I'd divorce or annul because any man that looks at kiddie porn is a disgrace and a perverted human being.

Answer 3

Missy, there are numerous problems here. I kknow you love this guy and I dont know how much time you were together before marriage, but at 2.5 months if you are having serious issues it doesn't look good. Sounds like he has a porn addiction (seems he's no stranger to adictions of any kind). Your trust in him is gone, maybe deservably so. He said he would stop looking, yet you feel compelled to check. I dont care what you do or dont find - you already have a trust issue. This stuff is just bound to get bigger. YOu can't go around checking up on your husband all the time.

I think you know what has to be done

Answer 4

Tell all and get marriage counselling. You knew about a lot of his problems before you got married and you shouldnt' just chicken out of this relationship so soon. Give it your best shot so that you don't regret later that you didn't try hard enough. But I can't figure out why you married him in the first place? Seems like you couldn't have gone out to look for a more worse marriage partner? Is this the person who's going to offer you and your children love, security, happiness and stability?

Answer 5

If you want to start helping him, YES. Tell all, maybe the medication is not allowing him to sustain his erections.

I'm sorry, but you didn't marry into a better life, instead into a bigger problem. I know, I know you love him.

Yes do please go to his shrink and tell all. Your sessions at first though should be without your hubby, the shrink should keep your sessions confidential then have both of you there and try to find a unified solution.

Good Luck !

Answer 6

Girl, get the hell out NOW! Believe me, I can understand the need of wanting to help him. (my husband is an alcoholic) However, you cannot help him, he has to help himself. If you stay with him, you run the risk of losing yourself to HIS problems. This I know from experience. You're young and you have your whole life ahead of you. Give yourself the greatest present ever, leave him. I always say this to myself. "I love him but I love myself more." And, yes if you decide to see the shrink, tell him everything. Porn is one thing.. child porn is just sick.

Answer 7

I would like to understand how anyone can marry a loser like this knowing what you knew in advance. Much less want to hang around while they recieve treatment that may or may not work.

My advice...tell the counselor all and bail.

Answer 8

Missy, sweetheart, what the hell are you thinking? Be afraid, be very afraid, especially if you have children, what if he has touched your child?!!! He's sick mentally and he needs help. Get away from him, it may be hard, but, it's for your own best interest. Tell him to give you a call when if gets his act together.

Answer 9

My advice would be to get out of this......what kind of life would it be for any children with an alcoholic, addicted, pedophile for a father.....dont you want more out of life than this?.....You seem to be selling yourself short, surely you can do better than this in life.

Answer 10

You need to go on Springer and entertain the masses! How can one person get into such a mess? And after getting into the mess, why are you still there?