My boyfriend & I had split cos of our parents makin our lives a misery.We couldn't stay apart (he would call me over 50 times a day) &got back 2gether in secret.I ended up pregnant & when we had a row he told me how his mum (who has been hauled in 4questionin over his dad's murder) would make sure I never got 2c my child. I had an abortion,though he'd apologised 4what he said,&asked me 2keep the baby.I would have had no support &a potentially life-threatenin struggle otherwise, in my view.A couple of months later,he cheated on me.He told me on the same day &says he's really sorry,but he also says that he was upset,confused &wanted 2hurt me.I can't believe that being upset about an aborted baby is conducive to maintainin an erection? He says that if I'd have kept the baby,everything would have been OK? Am I mad,cos I just don't understand how 1 thing lead to the other? It was a long time ago,but I still don't understand.Please help.
2006-10-17 12:08:34 · 39 answers · asked by viv friend 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
What....that's his fault! He can't place blame on something he did, and well knew what the he ll he was doing. He's a pathetic excuse for a guy. Did you push him and tell him to go sleep with a girl?? And for him saying he wanted to hurt you....wow. Sounds like a real "winner"! You can do soooo much better. Just love yourself enough to not go through this stuff again.
2006-10-17 12:11:45 · answer #1 · answered by Your_Star 6 · 3⤊ 0⤋
He feels bad and just wants someone to blame. However angry or upset he was he had no right to cheat on you. It's easy for him to make the excuse because the opportunity to make that excuse is there. For some reason many men do seem to turn to sex in times of stress - but that doesn't help. Don't blame yourself - if it hadn't been the baby it may well have been another catalyst that might have made him want to sleep with someone else. He didn't have to do it and he's being additionally cruel by blaming you.
2006-10-17 12:15:43 · answer #2 · answered by lianhua 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your boyfriend blamed you to justify the cheating. I am so sorry to hear of what you went through and shame on him for treating you that way. There is no excuse for cheating. He should have been there for you the entire time including after the abortion. That is not an easy situation for you and a time when you needed his emotional support. It sounds like he is not a good person for you.
2016-05-21 21:57:35 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Seems to me like other people influenced the whole relationship too much. He listened to his mother, so did you through his words. It is very sad about the abortion and to be honest I think his head would be as messed with all of this as yours clearly is. Men often turn for comfort and reassurance .....he did and then felt bad afterwards. He does not soundlike a bad lad to me just a very confused, hurt and angry one. Just as you sound confused and hurt. If he was hurting over the abortion, would have been better to talk about it with you, but maybe he was not able to. Try to open communication again, calmly and tell each other how you feel.....but equally important is to lsiten to each others words.
2006-10-17 21:19:05 · answer #4 · answered by eagledreams 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
excuse me.."he was hurt confused n ??""so wat..you had an abortion any thing could happen to u dat is alot of sacrifice n this is the way he repays u..also its all about ur life n hw old u r..cus u live just once so better take advantage of the priviledge u have wit the life uv got, .though both of u where in this 2gether..but still i think it was wrong..cus after everythin uv been tru the only way to repay u is to cheat on u..he doesnt deserve u ..n i think u should move on..ull find someone better ..n probably...more stable
2006-10-17 12:28:39 · answer #5 · answered by lady c 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are sharing a co- dependant relationship.. the trauma of what you both have been through could be causing the problem.. lots of guilt maybe since your unborn child was a part of you and him.. and sometimes our decisions are clouded with other issues..or people or just a difficult period in our lives. Need to forgive your self and get a higher power if you are ready for that one.. sometimes it takes awhile to get clarity on a issue or maybe just more maturity.
2006-10-17 12:19:09 · answer #6 · answered by audine 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Mmmm - your life sounds like a serious contender for mine. In brief, Hubby cheating with mistress and girlfriend (fractured my wrist just before starting affair) I found out as they found out about each other, neither of them knew about me and thought his son was his newphew....Etc. Etc. Etc. a lot more to it anyway, I'm now homeless, divorced, penniless, fighting illegally sitting tenant so I can have a home, fighting ex so I can have a home and a single parent to a toddler - oh yes jobless as well.
BUT I'M HAPPIER THAN I HAVE BEEN IN YEARS. So the moral to my storey is, get rid of the cheating, lying, selfish, good for nothing cad - and get happy.
It is in no way your fault if someone else chooses to be unfaithful.
Good luck for the future.
2006-10-17 12:21:48 · answer #7 · answered by bengimog 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Huh ? He is telling you that he can't get an erection with you now because you aborted the baby ? .. And that is also his reason for cheating on you. ? What is there to understand? He was looking for a couple of really dumb excuses to drop you and he used a couple that you believed. One has nothing to do with the other. Forget about him and move on with your life. Good Luck ! :)
2006-10-17 12:12:44 · answer #8 · answered by tysavage2001 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Honey.... Why are you doing this to yourself...
Why on earth are you allowing him to blame you, for something that is quite clearly his fault...
I mean, your families hate each other, you are in fear of your life from his mum, he threatened you with her while you were pregnant, so you did the only thing you thought you could in the situation.... Then, he cheats on you and blames you for it....
Is there any reason for you two being together, you have to hide your relationship... You live in constant fear that his mother will find out and do something bad...
Girl, you have some serious insecurity problems.... You need to breakaway and find yourself.... You deserve so much better...
Be good to yourself
Good luck
2006-10-17 12:56:21 · answer #9 · answered by KJA 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Do not let him blame you for his actions. You are only responsible for your own. What bothers me about this situation is that only him cheating waved any flags in your mind. This whole situation is not healthy and you need to get out of it. Keep away from him, his comments about hurting you before the pregnancy should be more than enough for a restraining order if he doesn't take a hint.
2006-10-17 12:12:50 · answer #10 · answered by miracol@sbcglobal.net 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋