I am making a newsletter for my school, and I need some suggedtions for funny fake horoscopes. Im thinking like, Virgo - because mars and venus align this week, it means that you will win the lotto, CONGRATULATIONS!, oh wait, your under 18, so you cant buy a lotto ticket, arh, too bad for you.
2006-10-17 11:38:07 · 7 answers · asked by K G girl 2 in Entertainment & Music ➔ Horoscopes
heres 1:this week you will be smarter and better at everything than everyone else,and you will not get a F on anything.oops!sorry!this was suposed to be capricorn's horiscope!
i said oops!this was supposed cap.'s horiscope!because MY SIGN IS CAPRICORN!make this horiscope for anything but cap.
2006-10-17 11:47:46 · answer #1 · answered by . 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Funny Fake Horoscopes
2017-01-12 13:31:01 · answer #2 · answered by lonsdale 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Check out The Onion. The Best on the planet.
These are from July:
Your Birthday Today
The gravity of next week's events will become increasingly clear to you with every floor your rapidly accelerating body plummets past.
Aries March 21 - April 19
Weeks after your wife's unexpected passing, crippling guilt over not having been a more caring and loving partner while she was still alive will sadly lead down the road to necrophilia.
Taurus April 20 - May 20
The International Criminal Court, in strict accordance with the Fourth Geneva Convention, will find you guilty of committing war misdemeanors against humanity next week.
Gemini May 21 - June 21
Remember: While Martin Luther King Jr., the man may have died 38 years ago, the values and principles he so bravely stood for have been dead for much, much longer.
Cancer June 22 - July 22
After days of heated and contentious debate, you and the radial-arm-saw-wielding stranger in your basement will finally just agree to disagree.
Leo July 23 - August 22
They all said that you couldn't do it, that it was unethical and immoral, but from borrowed and mismatched parts, you'll nonetheless create a Frankenstein's monster of a dissertation this week.
Virgo August 23 - September 22
What begins as an innocent free-association exercise will ultimately reveal a dark and deep-seated connection you hold between azalea bushes and garden trowels.
Libra September 23 - October 23
You will be held accountable for the needless deaths of hundreds of Americans just days after composing an irresistibly catchy jingle about the rewards of suicide.
Scorpio October 24 - November 21
Remember a couple of months back when the stars accurately predicted the birth of your second child? Man, that was great.
Sagittarius November 22 - December 21
Once again, your abject ignorance coupled with a shortsighted speak-first-think-later attitude will result in the hanging death of another innocent stick man this week.
Capricorn December 22 - January 19
You will lose hours trying to fit a square peg into a round hole, moments after quickly and easily fitting a round peg into a square hole.
Aquarius January 20 - February 18
A four-disc Criterion Collection DVD box set of your most painful and agonizing moments in life will be released this week.
Pisces February 19 - March 20
You've heard the old expression, "a chain is only as strong as its weakest link" many times before, but this week will mark the first time it's used to describe your crippling genetic condition.
2006-10-17 13:49:05 · answer #3 · answered by Chaine de lumière 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What you are about to do is wrong. Of course, you will only find that out much later. For now, enjoy yourself!
Someone who you really dislike, who is arrogance personified...will be nice to you. This is a good time to be afraid.
You are developing a strangely magnetic personality. Soon people you don't even know will begin hanging around with you, hoping for some small sign of your attention. Also, iron filings will begin sticking to the tip of your nose.
2006-10-17 11:56:35 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
hmmm...
Scorpio Don.t turn around tomorrow, you may find that sting in your tail will get you in the head.
Pisces. You will find the seas you are swimming in are polluted.
Aries You will finally butt that certain person in the butt, and they deserve it.
Leo You may find a touch of the mange in that magnic\ficent mane of yours. Shampoo.
Don.t know a lot about all the signs, but the first person is right, you seem clever enough to make up your own! Especially as you can relate them to the area or school, making it topical. Good luck! :)
2006-10-17 11:53:51 · answer #5 · answered by Juliette 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
make it a good one if its for taurus.Thanks oh by the way this has to be the best answer its about a taureun
2006-10-17 18:32:42 · answer #6 · answered by alleycat46534 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i dont think you'll find any like that. but why dont you just make them up? you already did it for virgo...
2006-10-17 11:45:24 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋