i need father help.?

Question

well to start off my parents are divorced and i havent seen my dad since i was 3. im an only child and my mom has never remarried.i was completely fine w/ this for a long time untill a few years ago. it was like i really dident even care that i dident have a dad untill somthing just really hit me hard. it almost feels as if i have the huge hole mising from my life. i dont even understand it. ive told a few good christian friends and teachers and theve all told me pretty much the same advice. that the "void" in my life was for God. theve also told me scriptures like "God is a father to the fatherless" and stuff and ive really tried to have God to fill that space. But its just not working. i want the whole physical aspest of a dad. like can you hug God? or just the simple things like sitting on the couch watching tv w/ God. i cant explain how i feel but just even righting about it brings me to tears. like i have friends that dont have dads and they dont even care. And one of my friends is like 'Oh i hate my dad he wont let me go out w/ so and so" and im like "oh my gosh, i would kill to have a dad be like that to me, it shows you how much he loves you and cares for you. i dont understand, if God loves me sooo much then why did he put me in this situation? like what did i do wrong? why is he punishing me? All i want is to be loved. physically.
my mom and i dont get along and i cant even remember the last time she hugged me, let alone said she loved me. and lately i fine my self longing for guys (my age) for that affection. when i see my self doing it i stop myself but still. i just want to be loved on, and not sexually. i want a dad. i dont understand why im the only one that feels like this.

thanks,

Answer 1

You are right! You deserve better! Your friends don't know what to advise you so they say the spiritual stuff. That stuff is excellent advice, in it's context, but it's not what you are looking for. Yes, God Loves You! No, God didn't abandon you! No, God didn't do this to you! You are a victim of either your mother's hatred of your father, or your father's hatred of your mother, or both. Unfortunately, they have thrown you in the middle of it.

First of all you need to realize that your dad (sperm donor, since he doesn't act like a dad) may not be the type of person that you long for. Also, you need to realize that he might have been looking for you all of these years, but can't find you either. Also, you need to realize that he might not want anything to do with his past, which includes you. Either way, you can be strong and happy and fulfilled with your own accomplishments. Your mother isn't a role model either, but you know that.

Here's the good news. (Since we don't know your age some of this might not apply). If you are a kid and have adult friends or family, you can try to attach yourself to the FEMALE spouse of that relationship. After you know the female like a best friend, and she knows you, you need to speak to her about attaching yourself to them as a couple. Ask if they can be your surrogate parents. Beware though, some people, especially some men, tend to take it to the wrong level. You will need to be wary of every move they make to make sure it's above board. At the littlest hint of anything out of line, you need to move on. Find another couple. Maybe someone of a grandparents age. Do the same thing until you find someone to love and nurture you.

If you are an adult, it's going to be more difficult because if you find a surrogate father figure, he will know that you are a woman and may not hesitate to take the relationship too far. Beware again! Keep it up til you find the right couple or man.

Oh, one last comment, You may not have any better luck at a church then you will at a bar. When it comes to men and women, men sometimes forget the role they are to play, and tend to want to cross the line. A church going guy is a better option, but not necessarily any better morally than any other guy. Yes, the majority of church going guys are great. But beware anyway.

Whatever you do in life, if you remember this one item, you will always be ok. Be Polite. Good Luck

Answer 2

You're doing ok, hon! It sounds like you've got a good head on your shoulders, too. That affection your missing is natural and you should seek it. If not with your real dad then perhaps in other ways. I don't know how old you are, but you might look into helping out at a retirement center or a rest home. Those folks can be so loving and can teach you so many things, too!

There is no substitute for the love and affection of a parent, but you can fill in part of that "hole" your feeling by sharing yourself with others who may need your affection, too.

Good luck, sweetie, and stay strong!

Answer 3

1st, your not the only one that feels this way. But I believe it is said that we are not given more than we can handle. Unfortunately, you dont know your father. You have a fantasy of what it would be like to have him around. Notice, I said 'fantasy', because you have no idea what kind of man your father really is. He may have been abusive, therefore you have been better off without him. If he had true love for you as his daughter, would he have left you at such a young age? Im sorry, but there is not another soul in this world who can possibly fill this void. It may just be something you will have to accept and live with. But you sound like you have a good head on your shoulders so I hope you continue to follow a good path.

Answer 4

I don't know your age, but if you are an adult, go get some counseling. If you are a teen, go get some counseling. I say that because you DO have a void, and if you don't learn how to deal with it, understand it, and manage it, in time you WILL seek other ways of satisfying that desire.

My cousin and I are 30. She has a strained relationship with her mother (to say the least......her mother didn't even RAISE her and has practically hated her since her birth even though she didn't bring herself into this world!) anyway, she has never known her father, and was raised by 'friends' of her mother who treated her very badly. And her mother prevented family members from taking her from them, until laws changed, and when she was a teen, her granny (my aunt) went and got her.

Anyway, ALL OF OUR ADULT LIFE all she has done was dealt with older guys.....father figure type guys. She has come across so many of those men, the ones who want to take care of her, control her, and use her young body up. And because she hadn't had much direction in her upbringing, they use and abuse her. Not physically, but emotionally. They use their stability and finances to control her, and when she doesn't want to do what they want like a good little girl, they throw her out and she has it hard until I come save her.

I have told her a million times to take care of herself, and stop relying on these old geezers to do anything for her......but it's that hole in her heart......that same one that you speak of that has her deaf to what I'm telling her. It is her bad upbringing that makes her not know better, even though I try to give her the benefit of what my parents taught me. So, I will tell you like I have told her...

get some therapy about it. It's okay. Everyone, and I do mean EVERYONE has an issue, some have even more than AN issue. But really, go get help for that one.......otherwise it will manifest in very unhealthy ways for you. God bless you hun, and be strong. Channel that desire, and get a handle on it through therapy so that it doesn't cause you to self destruct from bad choices!

Answer 5

Since I don't know any details, I will say that dads(and moms) make mistakes. So if he did abandon you, don't be afraid to make contact with him. You may be heading for one of the happiest days of your life. And if he shows no interest in getting to know you, you will at least KNOW for sure. It is the not knowing which is worse than anything else. Good Luck! One other note:Take everything your mom has told you about him with a grain of salt. Remember you've only heard one side of the story.

Answer 6

Well first of all I have some questions for youif you don't mind? 1) how old are you? 2) Is your earthly father still living? 3) do you know where he is living? Why haven't you seen him since the age of three? 4) are you allowed to see him? 5) Do you know if he wants to see you and have you tried to find him or are there more details to this story that we need to know? from a father's perspective and from someone who is not able to see his own son now not due to any kind of physical or brutal mental abuse but strictly other childesh adult outside interventions from the environment he his with I can sympathize with you on the need of a father and for me I need my child. as for another senerio of my past I went for 18 years not seeing or knowing where my adopted son from my second marriage was but through the grace of god I found him over the christmas holidays of 2005. this is what the power of prayer and faith can do for any one who seeks the kingdom through our heavenly father. Chin up and keep trying don't give up if my answer doesn't meet your expectations but I have a hunch that he will want to see you if this is at all possible.

Answer 7

honesty. looks like you are on your way to be a very thoughful and grown up human being.
it is our human nature to need the love of both sexes. hence why it takes a man and a woman to give birth to a child, the same goes for the child needing both to love it. have you tried contacting your birth father?
when i was 1, my mother left the country so i would never see my dad again. (my mother was and still is a very selfish person) i grew up with a stepfather for 8 years. then i never spoke to my stepfather again (mother interference). i contacted my father, met him, and moved on. but i feel better knowing. and i'm not angry at my father. but i no longer have the need to feel that void....because I KNOW.

i am now married with two children and one on the way. all boys. there are 5 males in my home. in the end, God gave me more testostrone than i really asked for. so, keep in mind, he has a plan in mind for you.

Answer 8

First, you did not do anything wrong and this is not about you. Things happen for a reason and were not to question it. I'm sure god love you. You are loved by everyone around you, your mother may not show it but TRUST me she does love you. In time and as you get older you may come to terms with this, for now just know your loved and it has nothing to do with you or what you did.

Answer 9

well yal , there is a void in your life. there feels like a big empty hole inside of you. locate him and spend that time together now. he can't make up for all the yrs. but at least you would be more understanding in it all , if you just knew what happened. maybe he decided to just let you an your mom be and prob. fig. she had started over. that void isn't for god , it is for your missing parent!

Answer 10

I don't know my real father-don't care to. my first step dad abusive, my second step dad is my dad. it's all in how you see it. not all guys make good fathers. Sometimes a male relative can be a surrogate dad. Do you have anyone you can relate to as a dad? Have you ever thought of looking for your father? All you need is social security number & birth date.