how long should i give him befor i move on, he isn't fufilling the life he promised me???

Question

i have been with my boyfriend for almost 2 years. i am 20 and he is 29. i moved in with him (and his parents) over a year ago on the premis that we where going to save money to buy a house and get married. it is partly taking so long because he has back problems and doesn't want to make a commentment to buying a house when he will probably have to have back surgery "soon''. we are engaged but i have no ring. he has made all these promises to me. i truely love him and want to have a life with him but i feel like this is draggin on and on. plus although i love his family it is killing me living in a tiny room in a basement under someone else's roof. i feel like he lied too me when he convinced me to move in with them to "save money". i am starting to feel like he doesn't want to leave his family (namely is mom). we are not moving towards back surgery, because all he does is take pain meds and neglects going to therepy and getting his epidural shots. not to mention he has saved nothin

the pain meds he is on are vicodon HP, the highest vicodon. i do believe he is addicted, his doctor even said he probably is but the pain is so bad he can't be off them.
to answer ur Qs i do work, and i'm a nursing student. if i move out i'll have to figure out how to afford a place on my own. and he does work, he is an electrician. what do i do?? the pain meds make him very moody and im scared if i leave he'll hurt himself. i guess u can say i'm stuck between a rock and a hard place.

Answer 1

you know, no one expects delays, and you are in this as much as he is. No one can make you happy and you agreed to live the way you are living now... marriage is for better or for worse... if he can't fix the problem, cuz of his back, perhaps cutting him some slack and getting a second job to help ease his mind and the family tension might be a cure...

Sometimes we have to go above and beyond to get things done, and sometimes that means contributing more than what the other person is able. Carry his load for a while, that is what being in love is all about.
you can't have your cake and eat it too, and loosing him, because you want monitary gain isn't the answer. This is a hiccup in your life, and trust me, life could be much worse, and many people have broken up for less, but also have stayed together over much worse.
You need to sit down and talk with him lovingly and try to understand where he is coming from and sort out any conflicts, and try to discover any way that you both can accomodate eachother in order to meet your goals.. such as " Honey, I am willing to take on a few extra shifts a week, provided you go to therapy, " Compromise is the key, all or nothin eventually busts.

Answer 2

I waited 10 years for mine and I have been married to the same gal for 47 years !!! Basic Christian Doctrine 1. There is only one God - Isaiah 43:10; 44:6,.1; John 17:3; 1 Cor. 8:5-6; ~ 4:8-9 2. God is a Trinity - 2 Cor. 13:14;.1 Pet. 1:2 3. There are no Gods before or after God - Isaiah 43:10 4. God knows all things - 1 John 3:20 5. God is all powerful- Psalm 115:3 6. God is everywhere - Jer. 23:23,24 7. God is sovereign - Zech. 9:.14; 1 Tim. 6:15-.16 8. God is spirit - John 4: 24 9. God created all that exists - Gen. 1:1; Isaiah 44:24 10. Spirit does not have a body of flesh and bones - Luke 24:39 11. God has always been God - Psalm 90: 2 12. Jesus is God - John 1:1,14; 10:30-33; 20:28; Col. 2:9jPhii. 2:5-8; Heb. 1:8 13. Jesus became a man - Phil. 2:5-8 14. Jesus has two natures: divine and human - Col. 2:9; 1 Tim. 2:5 15. Jesus was sinless - 1 Pet. 2:22 16. Jesus is the only way to God the Father - John 14:6; Matt. 11:27; Luke 10:22 17. The Holy Spirit is God - Acts 5:3-4 18. The Holy Spirit is nota fo.rce. He is alive - .Acts 13:2 19. The Bible is inspired by God - 2 Tim .• 3:16 20. All people have sinned - Rom. 3:23, 5:12 21. Man did not evolve, he was created - Gen. 1:26 22. Adam and Eve were real people - Gen. 3:20; 5:1; 1 Tim. 2:13 23. Death entered the world because of Adam"s sin - Rom .• 5:12-15 24. Sin separates us from God - Isaiah 59:2 25. Jesus died for all our sins - 1 John 2:2; 2 Cor. 5:14; 1 Pet. 2:24 26. Jesus' sacrifice was a substitution, for us - 1 Pet. 2:24 27. Jesus rose from the dead in His phYSical body - John 2:19-21 28. Those who reject Jesus will go to Hell- Rev. 20:11-15 29. Hell is a place of fiery punishment - Matt. 25:41; Rev. 19:20 30. Hell is eternal - Matt. 25:46 31. The unsaved go to hen forever -Rev. 21:8 32. Salvation is a free gift of God - Rom. 4:5; 6:23; Eph. 2:8-9 33. The Bible is the Word of God - 2 Tim. 3:16 34. Jesus will return viSibly to earth - Acts 1:11 35. Christians will be raised from the dead whe.n Jesus returns - 1 Thess. 4: 14- 17 36. There will be 'a rapture (being caught up into the douds with Jesus)- 1 Thess. 4:14-17 37. There will be a final judgment - 2 Pet- 3:7 38. The damned will be thrown into a lake of fire - Rev. 20:15 39. Satan win be cast into the lake of fire - Rev. 20:10 40. There will be a new heavens and a new earth - 2 Pet. 3:13; Rev. 21:1

Answer 3

Cut and run. He is not into commitment. At 29 he is quickly reaching the "I don't want a relationship where I have to give up my independence, I just want the goodies that comes with having a girlfriend." He's also not taking an active role in pushing this relationship along. He has you in his "nest", what more does he need.......oh yeah, another pain killer.

Face it sister, he's addicted to the pain meds, he doesn't want to get better (no therapy), he wants his sex slave and his mommy.

You will hear this many times, but you change many times in these years. You are not the same girl as you were at 16 and no where close to the woman you'll be approaching 30.......emotionally you probably aren't ready for a relationship especially with the emotional cripple. You deserve better!

Get out, go home, go to school, advance yourself and forget about getting "man" right now and finish working on yourself. When you bloom as a woman, men will find you. Stay away from the troubled ones, life is tough enough for the healthy, you don't need someone else's burden.

Answer 4

This is a question only you can really answer. If you feel that the trust and honesty of the relationship is gone it will be very difficult to rebuild that. If he is not treating you the way you want to be treated then you know what you have to do. How long has he been on the pain medication and is it addictive. The strength of the medication may also play a role in what is going on. After all pain medications can cause changes in your thought process. Do you have a job and can you afford to move out. There is much you must consider but staying with a mama's boy isn't the brightest thing in the world.

Answer 5

I think that you have sufficient reason to leave him and look for something more rewarding. Your life is being put selfishily on hold indefinently, and it is unlikely he will one day decide that he wants to get his life on track.

A man who dates a woman 9 years his senior has issues. I know they say that "age is just a number" etc, but you can't even drink yet, and this guy knows that he has a hold on you. He isn't treating you right and he isn't even providing a sense of security for the future. The two of you are at two very different points in your life and he hasn't moved on yet. Honestly I think that his ability to lean on you may have kept him from being forced to move on.

Anyway if you want to stay, you really only have two options. You can do nothing and eventually get married to this lump and probably still live in his parents basement. Or, you can sit down with him and force him to agree to a timeline, something that says by spring 07 he will have had a job or surgery or whatever and by summer 07 you two have found a place together etc. If he won't agree to this you can be sure that he is just using you as a crutch instead of getting his own life together.

I think that you are too young and just too aware of the situation to be stuck in this. It will only make you more and more unhappy until you finally do leave him, but how long will that be? I think you need to either sit down with him and force him to cooperate on getting your lives started, or you should break it off and find a guy who is willing to have a real life with you instead of this sloppy mess.

Answer 6

Well, I would move out until he grew up and showed some initiative. You are a person that deserves to have her own house and life not living underneath someone elses. If he loves you, he will get off his butt and do whatever it takes to make you happy. Besides, he's how old? 29. Isn't that a little too old to be living with his mama??? If I were you, I'd move out, and hang out with people my own age. If he hasn't grown up by now, chances are he's never gonna grow up. But you do love him, so you're probably not gonna take my advice. Just do what you feel is right, girl. Good luck!

Answer 7

Sounds like you feel it's time to move on as your lifes with him isn't going as you planned and maybe you should move on as you don't ant to live with his folks forever. I'd talk to him and say right i want to know where our relationship is going and where were gonna be in say 5 years time and if he can't give the goods then thats when you descide what your gut tells you to do more than your heart as you may love this guy and you've done a lot to be with him and he should be made aware of that in when you ask him where your lives are going.

Answer 8

Your BF is not going to marry you nor have back surgery until he gets off of the pain meds.
You have been there two years and NO money saved up???
Engaged but NO ring????
All kinds of promises and NONE fulfilled???
Leave as quickly as you can, you've been had.



U.P.

Answer 9

Falling down is something we all do, It sounds like he needs your support to get through this. Tell him you want to help, but he has to "get up" and work towards your "common goals" Pain meds are also a difficult factor in your scenario. I wish you the best.

Answer 10

Two years is more than enough time for this deadbeat to get his act together. He is stringing you along and he is not going to change. Get out now. You are young and can find someone who keeps his promises.