He was married 16 years & I was married 18 years the first time. We fell in love immediately. I wanted to move slowly, but I loved him, so I went at his pace...FAST. We married after only 5 months. I came into the marriage with very little, though I make more $ than him, but he had $60K to put towards a house. I knew what his ex had put him through financially, and offered to sign a prenup. He said there was no way we would do that. He trusted me with everything, and what was his was mine. Well, all that changed 3 weeks after we were married. We got into a big argument (over my kids fighting with his kids), he said we had made a big mistake, and asked me to leave. I BEGGED him to give it some more time. The only way he would, was if I would go to his attorney and take my name off of the deed on 'our' house. I truly don't care about material things, but that really hurt. I feel like he doesn't trust me, and talking doesn't help. What should I do? Please don't say divorce.
2006-10-17 10:23:50 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I already signed the papers to be taken off of the deed. That depresses me, but I really do love him. REALLY. I didn't marry him because he was my only choice, I married him because he is WONDERFUL, and he feels the same about me (at least he says he does, and I feel like it's true). I am just starting to feel like he can't trust me because of his ex. He won't go to counseling, because he tried that with her. We are both strong Christians, but I am so uncertain about things now.
2006-10-17 10:37:52 · update #1
Wow, this is a tough one...
First u made a big leap by marrying so quickly..
I can't believe he asked u to leave the house!!
Was the fight THAT bad?? U have already told us that divorce is not an option..so u have to change...u have to sit down w/ your kids & tell them how to behave....
next, if u decide to take your name off of the deed, u really have to watch your step around this guy...then u have to forget all this mess & continue on your married way.
Between u & me, u have been wounded by this request...it will always hang over your head...this is YOUR LIFE
BUT, teach your daughter to never marry so quickly in case this same situation happens to her....teach your son, NEVER to threaten his "wife" w/such an awful choice.
You stated u don't care about "material things", that's great! But u should care about the type of person u have brought into u & your childrens lives...would u really have ever said that to him???
Anyway, don't look back, don't ask why, just keep moving forward....
2006-10-17 10:42:56 · answer #1 · answered by Mee-OW =^..^= 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why is he taking your name of the house after all you've been through because your kids were fighting! Why is he taking the moral highground and dictating when before it was all rosey. I'm sorry but don't take your name of that house as it both of yours and you'd be a fool if you did. What does he expect all the kids to get on straight away well he's living in fairyland! You both need to sit down and talk this through without him dictating the terms and without children around and i'd find out why the sudden change in how life is gonna be and asking you to leave shows me he doesn't think that much of you if he can't be mature enough to talk and talk to the children about it and what he expects from them in your home. Sounds like divorce may happen if you can't get anywhere on this as he's asking a lot of you and not sorting and facing the situation that the problem at the moment is which is disciplining children but instead you get the blame and you've done nothing wrong.I'd seriously be thinking is this marriage worth this heartache for you or your kids as obviously his come priority to all of you and will yours get pushed aside?
2006-10-17 10:35:40 · answer #2 · answered by sez75 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
OK, I won't say the "D" word, but you know what you have gotten yourself into.
He gets upset with kids and then wants to take your name off the house? If you don't agree he will divorce you? I say you should not agree to it. Call his bluff. He doesn't want to let you have 1/2 the value of the house. He won't divorce you because he values the money it will cost. Now you know why he was divorced when you met.
He may cool off in a few days, but he could also really be done with you. You haven't been around him long enough to know what to expect. In the mean time you may want to look for a place of your own. It may be best in the long run if you just accept that things will not work out between the two of you.
2006-10-17 10:35:32 · answer #3 · answered by physandchemteach 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like you guys are both on the rebound... This makes things complicated. Face it - perhaps it WAS a mistake. Suggest marriage counseling if you don't want to give up too quickly. For as long as you're living with him, it is not just "his" house but yours too, do not give in to his demands unless you have an attorney too, and you're going through the divorce proceedings. When you live with someone, you WILL have arguments and disagreements, it's nothing new.
2006-10-17 10:37:24 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If his first move is to an attorney rather than a counselor, you may need to plea bargain. You'll sign off on the deed, if he will first do 5 sessions of marriage counseling.
2006-10-17 10:26:40 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
lord. u are being put in an oweful position. maybe if you ALL (including the kids), sit down and talk about what can be done about the kids having more respect for each other and being more family friendly to one another. And to your husband, you 2 need to have some 1-on-1 time and discuss it all in a calm matter and some thing will come out of it.
2006-10-17 10:32:20 · answer #6 · answered by le_le_06 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think the two of you need a marriage counselor. Commit to go 5 times. If it doesn't work, then it doesn't work and you'll have to move on. At least you then tried!
2006-10-17 10:29:51 · answer #7 · answered by H-Bomb 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
DIVORCE HIM and marry me
2006-10-17 10:27:49 · answer #8 · answered by Dr shiznet 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow. WOW WOW!!!!!!! Um he doesn't love you. I would never do that to my spouse! Nor would he to me.
2006-10-17 10:54:07 · answer #9 · answered by Karrien Sim Peters 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋