My friend just called me to say that her cousin just gave birth to a baby at 28 weeks gestation, and was wondering what she should get as a present because the family was throwing her a baby shower. My thought was that they should wait until the baby is home and healthy from the hospital as it is on a respirator and is severely under-developed.
What if god forbid something happened and the poor mother either has to look at all the memories of a child she never got to bring home or has to go through the pain of returning everything.
I suggested if she felt she needed to buy the mom something, she should get her a massage package (as this is an extremely stressful time) or a keepsake for the baby, or even offer to help out around the house (the mother has another child at home) and cover some of the hospital expenses (ie. parking pass).
Anyone have any thoughts or ideas??
2006-10-17 10:13:30 · 21 answers · asked by Anonymous in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Newborn & Baby
I should mention she ended up buying her a baby monitor, a kick and plaything, a playpen and an outfit.
I am a labour & delivery nurse so I've seen the good and the bad outcomes (my happy and healthy cousin was born at 26 weeks)
I just think there are better ways of supporting mom then making her go through the motions of ohhing and ahhing over baby clothes and eating cake.
2006-10-17 10:25:24 · update #1
As a mom to 28 week twins I know that this will mean allot to her. Having premature babies is very scary and knowing that all of your friends and family are there for you really helps. Make sure to get her some very small preemie clothes she can put on her baby while he is in the NICU dressing them makes you feel more like a mom. Other nice things would be a good breast (pump so she can bring milk in for her baby), a gift card, baby sitting, and maybe making her a sack lunch every day she can take with her to the NICU she needs to keep up her strength (my mom did this for me for 12 whole weeks before my babies came home otherwise I would have never eaten). Also make sure you let her know that you are praying for her baby.
2006-10-17 10:28:39 · answer #1 · answered by aintgivinup79 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Wow! Lots of opinions! I have to agree with the mom who mentioned it as a double edged sword. It would have to be. But I also realize that those hospital bills are going to be horrendous. The new mom is gonna need all the help and support she can get, Having a shower may help to relieve some of her stress. Stress of not having a crib or things of the like.
Okay so maybe Not a HUGE shower but a small one with just a small cake there at the hospital, and with gifts such as clothes and things that can be used in the NICU for the baby. Then maybe a Surprise at home when the lil one can come home. Surprise mom by having the nursery set up waiting for the baby. Less she will have to worry about, and it will give her more time to spend with her child minus all the tubes and nurses.
2006-10-17 10:57:55 · answer #2 · answered by momm4b 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
one of my girls was born at 28 weeks and it was touch and go for quiet a while. I could not imagine having a baby shower until she was healthy and home!!
I think they should really wait until this baby comes home and the nthe mom will really welcome a baby shower.
Helping out around the house, offers too babysit the other child while mom is spending time with the baby at the hospital, family members could take turns bringing in some food and etc...Anything like that would help relieve some of the stress from the mom...
2006-10-21 13:51:09 · answer #3 · answered by Rose T 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
When my friend gave birth to her (full-term) son, she learned he had down syndrome. Basically, the response from everyone was silence, regret, sorrow. My friend was really angered by that and has said several times how grateful she was that I showed up with balloons, presents, and a meal - just as we'd all down for every new baby on our street.
This might be what your friend's family is getting at - a way to support the mom. I like your ideas about pampering gifts for the mom or parking fee expenses or even little handmade cards that volunteer to drive the mom here and there or visit the baby and hold it if that need ecists.
Everyone is hoping for the best and belive me, if this baby doesn't make it, having momentos at home will not make it worse - nothing could make it worse - and having memories of celebrating the baby's life will provide comfort.
2006-10-17 10:20:16 · answer #4 · answered by cassandra 6 · 3⤊ 0⤋
I would let her know that you have spoken with people and that something will be planned to celebrate homecoming. As someone who has lost a baby early in pregnancy and then would not even let anyone buy one single thing until my daughter was born, I would say a big party would add to the stress. She would sit and picture "What if my baby never gets to use/wear this." Be a good friend and just support her and then have the biggest "Homecoming shower" in the world. Best of luck and showers of prayers for that precious baby!!!! GOD BLESS HIM
2006-10-17 10:52:51 · answer #5 · answered by dumbunny33 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
yeah, i kind of think its innappropriate. i mean its a nice thought and all, but im pretty sure if my baby was in rough condition i wouldnt want to be celebrating at a baby shower. i would hold off until the baby was home, yeah the shower would be a little late but who cares, they still get all the new things for the baby. i think the idea of helping around the house would be a great idea, i know if i were in the new moms situation i would greatly appreciate that.
2006-10-17 12:39:04 · answer #6 · answered by krystal 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would personally want to wait until the baby was home. If I was an aunt or grandmother, I would buy some personal things when I visit the hospital, like a blanket and some outfits. As a mother, I wouldn't want to be away from my baby to attend a party, even though the sentiment would be appreciated.
2006-10-17 12:06:02 · answer #7 · answered by Jen L 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
its true what you are saying it can be tough on the mother but with time and if things are going extremely well she should have a shower...for example maybe a surprise baby shower when the baby comes home or have the room all ready for her...but pampering and being by the sidee of the mother is very important now with lots of support and prayer.
2006-10-17 13:40:43 · answer #8 · answered by yeilyj 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Unless the mother has specifically expressed her desire to continue with plans for a shower despite the premature birth of her child, then I think it would be inappropriate and in poor taste for anyone to throw her one. If this is what she wants then all the attendees should be sure to chose a tasteful and appropriate gift given the circumstances. Politely ask the mother what she could use.
2006-10-17 10:36:58 · answer #9 · answered by micg 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wait until the little guy comes home to throw a party. At this point in time Mom just needs a support system, don't worry about "buying" her something.
May God bless this young life!
2006-10-17 10:22:28 · answer #10 · answered by lover_of_paints_&_quarter_horses 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋