To butch lesbians and effeminate gays, why is it...?

Question

...necessary for you to be butch/effeminate? Is there a drive within you to take on such 'behavior'? If so, aren't you then transexuals and not homosexuals?

Or do you do it because you think you will attract those who are in the opposite spectrum, behavior-wise (or even someone straight)? Meaning, butch lesbians want the womanly woman and effeminate gays want the manly man.

dirty_idea, thanks.

as for the rest, they simply cannot explain it to themselves why they behave the way they do. or they don't want to admit that their romantic goal in life is to attract that one STRAIGHT person they've been dreaming of since childhood, to gain some sort of acceptance of their 'deviant' behavior.

straight butch females and effeminate males? what a load of crap! how about a load of closet cases? lol!

Answer 1

Don't be so harsh on the questioner. She seems to be inquisitive, not having a go at you. I know this place gets a lot of problems, but there's no need to jump down someone's throat for committing a faux-pas.

In answer to the question, I'm not at all sure. I hang around a lot in the Amsterdam dyke community and yes, there are a lot more butch women than in the general population. Here's some possible ideas:

- The act of 'coming-out' must be very liberating, and might enable one to throw off other shackles imposed by society ie how women should appear

- There is some common factor behiond sexuality and body self-image.

- It sounds far fetched but perhaps over-coming one's social programming and recognising one finds one's own gender attractive becomes easier if you view yourself in a more 'acceptable' position to do so according to society's rules.

- There is going to be as much pressure to confirm to stereo-types within gay communities as straight; both external and internal. It could be conforming somewhat to peer pressure but could also be a way to feel at ease with yourself and label oneself; somethign we all do to a greater or lesser extent

These are all ideas. It's an interesting topic, as long as we respect that we're all individuals and have a right to do as we wish.

Answer 2

I have often wondered where the idea came that women must be soft and demure and men butch, whatever the term means. In my understanding, the idea of femininity came from the basis to serve and be a chattel, to be attractive and produce babies, masculinity from the warrior. It is truly unfortunate in 2009 these distinctions between the sexes are still in place and used to judge another. The basis of gender crossing again is one that tends to associated with the lgbt community more than others. Women who want to be a mechanic or men who prefer to go into a trade that is traditionally not a male oriented, warrior class one, hence will venture a presumption to some this marks sexuality also, although such is so unfair and incorrect. As to flamboyant, perhaps in a world where all must dress the same and look the same is preferable, this has been well used in the armed forces and our prisons, a forced adherence to being the same. Therefore following such logic, we would have a police state and Orwell would have his 1984 predictions right on. Conformity to this degree is a dictatorship no less. I agree with your logic, and am so glad there are people who think like you do.

Answer 3

Look, just because someone more comfortable in a style of DRESSING that you find 'different' or opposite to their gender, it does NOT automatically make them transgendered.

My partner is a soft Butch, she has NEVER wanted to be a man, she loves being a woman and is very proud of that fact.

It's simply disgusting that even within our own community there is such seperation of differences.

Why can't we all just accept people for who they are without all the hate or trying to define who WE think they are?

They're themselves, like it or not.

Answer 4

Who really cares. I know lots of butch women who are straight, and men who are also effeminate but straight. It's all about perception. Just accept people as they are and stop applying for God's position and judging everyone who is maybe a little different.

Answer 5

Have you ever considered the need to be yourself, not try to live up to some preconceived notion of how "people" are "supposed" to be?
Perpetuating gender specific stereotypes is one thing that is currently holding back not only homosexuals, but heterosexuals too. Do you believe that "girls are bad at math"? That "boys can't cook"? I've known quite a few women who were heterosexual and very good at welding, and I've known a few straight male cosmetologists that were very high in demand.

Answer 6

Everyone has their unique personality. Why are you worried about it? There are many "butch" straight women and effeminate straight men. We're all unique accept it. You don't have to like it.

Answer 7

Imagine your circle of friends--now picture the loudest, most obnoxious friend in that circle. Now picture the quietest, most demure friend. Chances are good that you've got friends on both extremes and most somewhere in the middle. As a group, we are much the same--we fall into different areas of the spectrum. It's just personality--some of our "flames" burn higher than others and we are attracted to each other for the same reasons straight people are attracted to each other.

Answer 8

I don't know if that is always true.......... I prefer my ladies "girlie" with round hips, and long hair, and my men "manly" with strong shoulders and hard muscles.
and for the record, I am more femme then butch in looks, but very much a top with in the relationships.
but then again I am a odd duck any ways :)

Answer 9

Butch lesbians dress as they feel most comfortable. If you arent comfortable in stillettos & a thong..why wear it? If u ARE comfortable in baggy jeans and a button down shirt...WEAR IT!

Answer 10

this question sure does get old. People are who they are, why do you have to further label them by saying they're butch or femme. Just get over it and worry about something else.