For those of you who are gay, how did your parents take it?

Question

Ok, first off, I know I'll get comments from bashers, but at this point I could care less what you all have to say or what you think.

I told my mom today over lunch that I'm gay. At first she didn't say anything and just kept staring at me, so I started freaking out, because I could see it turning bad real quick. So I asked, "what are you thinking" and she said "I love you no matter what, you know that" and gave me a hug. Then we just talked about it for about 10 minutes or so and the only thing I feel bad about was her crying because she wanted grandchildren (really bad). I'm glad I finally worked up the courage to tell her and she wants me to tell dad (I'd rather not), but I kind of feel bad about the grandchildren thing. She did make a joke that she'd have to get on my brother to step up to the plate and make some babies...but I don't think it's sitting with her too well, at least not right now.

Any advice? Or do you all think it will work itself out?

Answer 1

CONGRATS!

Let her process it a bit. My mother felt a little blind-sided when I told her and ended up calling me the next day to ask a bunch of questions that she couldn't really formulate during the whole "coming out" conversation. Just try to be patient with her. Her response so far has been fantastic! Only tell your father when you are ready, but realize that if something would happen and you never get the opportunity, you might regret not having told him. My mom was a little annoyed about the whole grandkids thing too, but she also is very hopeful that my partner and I will adopt kids in the future. She too decided to put more pressure on my sibling regarding popping out some kids. haha. I also agree with other posters that if you are in a relationship, let you mother meet him. For my mother, meeting my partner helped to bring the whole thing into perspective.

Okay...well, good luck and let me know if you need anything!

Answer 2

God damn that sounds exactly like myself. I came out to my mother and father at the same time. I told them in a letter because we were always told that if we had to many thougths to say then write them down.

That night mum came into my room and gave me a hug and said 'well i know who i won't be getting grandchildren from'. The next day my dad patted me on the knee and say 'it's ok about your friend' being that I had a girlfriend at the time.

I know it doesn't sit well with them. My mum reverted back to my sisters for relying on grandchildren. The day after I told her she wasn't to good about things - I think that is when it hit her the most.

Just hang in there is all I can say. I have been going out with my girlfriend for 3 years now and she is just another family member. For about 6 months or so she was an outcase and no one wante d to believe it.

I think the defining moment was when we broke up because of the stress of the family. I didn't talk to anyone for days. I eventually smsed mum and said that 'i love lisa and nothing is going to change that'. I think that is when mum realised because I have never told anyone in my family that I love them - it is not in my character.

Just give it time.

Answer 3

Good for you - and her. First thing I always think is let it sink in a little. Remember how long it came for you to come to terms with it and know that she deserves the same amount of time.

As for my parents. I told my Mom first because I am not at all close with her and I figured if she flipped out it wouldn't be a big loss. However she was fine, said she already knew.

I am closer with my Dad and he was shocked. He had no idea at all. He was quiet for a little bit and then asked me a few questions. He was totally fine in a very short period of time.

Actually I have been rather lucky with telling people - I began coming out at 22 and so far no one in my life has had a problem with it at all. In fact the only time I have ever had any negative comments is from people on this site.

Seriously - congratulations!

Answer 4

It'll all work out. She's just in shock, although she probably suspected it. Confirming it just shocked her a bit. Don't worry about it. Some parents aren't cool with it at all. You are lucky. You can still provide grandchildren to her. There's probably a kid out there who needs a good father. And even if you were attracted to women, there's no guarantee that you would have a desire to start a family. It'll pass fast. Congratulations on having the courage to come out to your mother.

Answer 5

I'm sure your mom will be ok with it soon. Even though she took it rather well it seems, I'm sure it was a bit of a shock discussing it out in the open (even if she already had an inkling). . .

My parents didn't take it quite as well. Both of them don't understand it, and even after two years it's still not something we discuss. They both know the truth, but they choose to not think about it, and as long as they keep supporting me elsewhere I'm not really planning to rub it in their face. It's a weird situation, but I suppose it works. Luckily I'm away at college 10 months out of the year, so I'm free to do whatever most of the time.

Answer 6

I know you have had a butt load of answers already but as someone who has been in your shoes (well almost I am a girl but that is beside the point) I felt it my duty to tell you my story to so sit back and enjoy....To start with, yes it will work out, it may take a while, but depending on the strength of your relationship with you parents, it may not....Ahhh, coming out what a great time in my life, I have been out now for almost 6 years, but I think my mom knew before i ever told her...I had tendnecies of course, like getting caught with another chick, and other less obvious signs, but all in all she did pretty well when I told her. I told my mom in this mexican resturant that we would always go to, I figured, hell, I might as well she loves the food so I know shes happy....When I told her she almost threw her enchiliadas at me it was horrible, even the people who didn't speak english knew she was pissed, and I was mortified:( Then, she tells me that dad is meeting us for lunch (a tid bit of information that may have changed my mind about telling her in the first place) and that I would have to tell him...surprisingly enough he was not a total jerk about it. Long story short, I came out and met the woman of my dreams, she is smart, and funny, and very caring....and when my mom saw that all that mattered was that I was happy and taken care of. We are in the process now of trying to give my mom her first granchild...so when you are ready that may still be something that she can experience with you, you don't have to give up the dream of children (or granchildren) just because your gay :o) My advise, keep talking with your parents, don't rush them, and whatever you do DON'T push it on them at dinners or family outings by bringing your boyfriend and putting them in a awkward situation.... becuase they need time to come to terms with it just like you did...and if you push them they will rebel against you just like children do. Try to be considerate of their feelings and that will make things go much smoother for you. That's just my opinion for what it's worth :o)

Answer 7

Congratulations!
Your experience sounds almost an exact match to my experience. Telling mom was probably the easy part--telling my father was difficult, but fortunately for me, he also was in the "I love you no matter what" category, so I was lucky. As far as the grandchildren aspect goes, just remind mom that if the time and situation presents itself, grandkids are no longer out of the question for same-sex couples. Most importantly, however, again, congratulations on finally letting yourself be you!

Answer 8

You DO realize that just because you're gay Does NOT limit your ability to be a father, right?

There are Many options available to you to become a father when or if you ever choose to do so.

So, calm your Mother's fears, let her know, that if you do NOT want children, that this would have been your descission whether you were gay or not.



Also, as far as your original question: My Mom was fine with it. As a matter of fact my parents knew I was gay WAY before I ever accepted it in myself.
They've been wonderfully loving and supportive and they Adore my partner!
Even my brother has been very supportive, as well as my sister-in-law...before her death, nearly a year ago.

I've been very lucky and Blessed!

Answer 9

well to start with Congratulations, I know it was a difficult thing to do, you did great.
and next, yes it will work out........ if and when you find a partner you want to spend the rest of your life with there are so many options out there now, you can adopt, or have a surrogate mother even so yes she still could have grand children from your branch of the family. As for talking to your father, clearly up to you, but living in the open is a bit easier then hidding in the shadows.
hope it helps,

Answer 10

i didn't come out until I was 28, told my mother at 32...she hung up on me, called the next day, I informed her that I was a little old to need a mother, that if she wanted to be my friend, that was fine, and hung up on her...she called back the next day and we were best friend for 40 years...until the day she died. I never advise anyone who lives at home to make the "come out," for if you are dependent upon your parents to survive, the outcome may not be as pleasant as you would expect. When you are on your own is soon enough. Put it in terms that is matter of fact, leaves no room for argument, and leave it at that. good luck