Married ladies...what do I do?

Question

My husband and I have been happily married for 2 years. Recently however, I found out that my husband lied about some finances....long story short.....we are going to couseling. My husband keeps saying he wants a divorce whenever we don't see eye to eye on something we don't even have to be arguing. Then he'll come back and say he didn't mean it. This is hurting me and I have told him so. But, here lately he is always standoffish and wants to fight about everything and I don't. Any advise? Any similar situations? I just want our marraige to work. Thanks

I guess I should rephrase..."I thought we were happily married" and to answer a few of those questions...I did investigate on where the money went....and it's where he said it went after I caught him in the web of lies. Thanks for all of the great advice.....some of it even made me smile!and laugh a little!

And I haven't begged him to stay...I just haven't pushed him out the door either. He knows if he wants to leave the door is open and that at this point.....12 "I want a divorce" 's later he knows I won't stop him. I do love him and want it to work....but I am trying to prepare myself for if it doesn't.

Answer 1

You, my dear have married a man-child if his comment is "I want a divorce" every time he doesn't like something you've said.

Of course...this is a half-as*ed defense mechanisim that is used by men who haven't any good, solid argument to present when their spouses call them on a point that they know is wrong and yet they will not admit it. So...to counter this insurmountable issue and rather than concede that you are correct they toss out the "divorce" threat.

I would not recommend divorce but he clearly needs more than counseling. I would imagine a good swift kick in the nuts would be just the thing but it wouldn't solve anything. But...you know damn well that you'd be lying if you said you never wanted to do that to him at least just once...am I right?

So I guess you should continue counseling and when you meet again mention this in front of the counselor. Tell him/her that you're tired of having this threat tossed up in your face. I think that you'll find it will "neuter" hubby and that will be the last time you hear it. however...if he says it again then tell him to go ahead and do it and if he doesn't he's the gutless, chickensh*t, poor excuse for a man that you'd suspected all along.
No...don't do that but tell him he best be careful because there will be a time that you just may have had enough and you'll be the one filing.

Answer 2

Sounds like your husband really wants a divorce but maybe does not want to hurt your feelings. If he's standoffish and fighting all the time he could be cheating. The fighting usually comes from a man trying to get away and starting a fight as an excuse to leave or avoid intimacy or having any type of contact with you. Where did the money go on the other woman?

Answer 3

I go through that same problem. He has said it so much that I laugh whenever he says it. He is trying to get the guilt off him by transferring it to you. If you act like it don't bother you he will stop doing it, then he will start saying positive things or at least start saying what it is that is really bothering him. If I'm in a crappy mood I will tell him do it then and he would get mad and the anger will be transferred back to him. I know he won't do it because he get mad if another man looks at me. About the finances I found out that my husband lied about a settlement check he said it was 40k when it was actually 170k. I was mad because he blew through all the money. I never told him I found out how much it was. I just make sure he pays the bills and I keep my money to myself.

Answer 4

I am not an advocate for divorce. No one can tell you whether you should stay or go...that is up to you. However, I strongly advise you to investigate any other lies you may have been told along the way.

Try to take a step back and examine the dynamics of your arguements. When your husband states he wants a divorce, what do you do? Do you give in? Do you stop questioning his actions or possible lies? If so, this may be a way for him to take the focus off of him.

The most important advise I can give you (through my own experiences) is to not lose yourself in this marriage. Believe the facts as they are, not as how you would like them to be.

Take care of yourself and stay strong. Good luck.

Answer 5

If you've been happily married before and now he's acting different then something is going on and u need to find out what it is. Going to counseling is a good idea for starters. As far as his threats of divorce is concerned, it's not right that he keeps holding that over your head everytime u have disagreements. It says a lot about his commitment to u (or lack thereof). So, find out what's going on as far as he's concerned and work from there. Just remember that if counseling doesn't work for him then u need to start thinking about your future together and be prepared for the worst.

Answer 6

Man, thats tough? Have you investigated this money issue and his actions to see if he is cheating? Just a question That came to my mind right off the bat?
Your on the right track with the counceling. Also, why is he unhappy? what causes you to argue? Whats the #1 thing and work on that. For me and my husband its sex. I try but I fell so tired and rundown at the end of the day, he seems to get the short end of the deal, He says all men need this and thats why most men are unhappy! We did do a marriage class and this was one of the topics and they agreed. I was amazed!

Anyway, Maybe this is one of his problems?
Good luck, and best wishes!

Answer 7

well, I was in your shoes about 7 years ago, and let me just say, I am so so so happy that I divorced that guy and found the love of my life. We never fight about money, and he would never ever ever tell me that he wanted a divorce. you are with the wrong guy. No mater how much you love him, he is not the right guy for you, if he was, none of your current problems would be happening. I truly beleive that!

There is a guy out there just waiting for you. Wishing that you would come along. Life is too short. You have to be happy.

Answer 8

He wants out. He told you so. No marriage conseling can work if he is no commited into fixing the relationship.

Once the "D" word is out, then you are down hill. He is hurting you on purpose with threats of divorce so you back off and he gets his way. Inmature and destructive behavior, very corrosive to a relationship and borderline abusive.

If he's picking on fights, he is just making excuses to get out of the house... when this happens normally is to see another.

I'm sorry to hear about your situation. Best of luck.

Answer 9

i became engaged while i became 24 and married while i became 26 Our wedding ceremony colorations have been a diminished peach and chocolate brown We each and each had our brothers as witnesses (2 finished), it became an exceedingly small wedding ceremony (14 human beings have been there including us and our reverend) Our reception became held a month after our wedding ceremony, and we did no longer have assigned seating, maximum persons did no longer sit down, it became a dinner celebration We had a small chocolate cake and then a kind of cakes for human beings to %, i think of there have been 5 distinctive alternatives We went to Maui for 2 weeks We have been given married in Gleneden sea coast, OR, a tiny city on the coast, only outdoors of Lincoln city

Answer 10

He sounds like a real gem...and very mature. Whether he's joking or serious, it's not normal for a "happily" married guy to say he wants a divorce whenever the slightest problem arises. Give him a chance to redeem himself, but if he doesn't turn around soon (and permanently), dump that chump!