19, pregnant, and unsure what to do?

Question

I am 19 years old (well, I will be in a little less than a month) and I am in my freshman year at college. I am about 7 weeks pregnant. So far, I am managing to hide it from everyon except for a few close friends and my boyfriend. I am unsure however, that I want to carry the baby to term and give birth. I have at least 5 years left of college and am currently not financially stable. My boyfriend also has 5 years of schooling left. My parents have stated before that they do not approve of being pregnant before marraige, and we're not sure what his parents would say. His older brother (23) just had a baby boy, and his mother supported it, but he never went to college. My parents are very disapproving of me having sex and I'm not sure if it is safe to even tell them. I wanted to know if people thought I should keep the baby, give birth and then do adoption(I'm not due til june and my parents would know) or if I should save money and get an abortion.

I would also like if anyone has experiences in this area such as someone who has given birth and finished college, had an abortion, or given a baby up for adoption. Also parents, what would you do if you hild confronted you with this situation?

I thought I had included this and just realized I hadn't... I was not unprotected. We used condoms and I was on birth control. I had an infection in my ear and was taking antibiotics, but my doctor didn't warn me that it would negate my birth control. The condom broke, and since I had been regularly taking birth control for 3 years, we didn't think anything of it. This was not a Lets just go without one once moment or a I want to do a grownup thing moment. So for those of you who said birth control, I already knew to use it.

Answer 1

You can still have a child and finish college, it wont be easy but it can be done. I was a senior when I was pregnant and had my son 3 days after my graduation. I than started nursing school. As long as you have the support of your boyfriend, friends and family you will be fine. My mother swore that she wouldnt be around after I had my son, but she was there in the delivery room and fell in love right away when she first seen him. Of course every parent takes things differently, but if they do love you and as long as you stay on the right track, Im sure that they will be there for you. Here are a few sites for you to look at -- get some info and you and your boyfriend can decide what you feel will be best, especially for the child.
http://www.optionline.org/
http://www.dhr.state.md.us/safehaven.pdf#search='pregnant%20and%20scared'
http://www.covenantnews.com/pregnant/

Answer 2

No where in your question did I see where you state what you want. You are incredibly concerned with how people will think/feel about you and your baby. How does your boyfriend feel? Does he want a family? Do you want a family? This is the ONLY thing that matters. As far as what your parents think or his parents think it is their own problem. They may not support you and you will have to learn to live with that. You made a choice and now you have to deal with the outcome. So what if they know that you are giving the child up for adoption? You are an adult (over 18) and you are making a responsible choice. I highly respect women who love their baby enough to give it up for adoption because they know their own circumstance is not right for raising a child.

As far as having an abortion - - I dont believe your circumstance would warrant one simply because your entire concern is over the image you have with other people. That is not a significant reason for terminating a pregnancy. You need to do a bit of soul searching here dear and figure out what you truly want out of life and how you, your boyfriend and your baby figure into that. Just because you have more college doesn't mean you shouldnt' have a baby. There are plenty of mothers who go to college, work, aren't financially stable and still live happy fulfilled lives.

Best luck to you.

Answer 3

Hi there - I'm sorry you're in such a difficult situation. I hate to say that the "easy way out" is abortion, but sometimes, it's the right answer too.

Regardless of your parents' opinions, you sound very unsure about having this baby. It sounds like you've just started your journey into becoming an adult, and you're really not in a place to even answer this question, let alone have a child. The fact that you're more concerned with your parents' opinions and fear than you are with the actual possibilities for your future child leads me to think you're not mature enough to make this decision. I'm not knocking you; I definitely wasn't ready for that at your age.

I don't know the statistics on how successful women are who have children in their first year of college - to me, as a 23 yr old woman who works full-time and just went back to college, just the college and work part is hard enough. It's hard enough to complete college without the added stresses.

When you're in school, your education should be your number 1 priority - once you have a kid, nothing else can come first. How can you juggle these 2 items that are both supposed to be your first priority?

Also, it sounds like you don't live at home and you live away from your family - who will watch your child while you're at school or at work? I come from a city with the highest teenage pregnancy rate in the U.S. and one thing I've found time and time again is this: the only way for that child to grow healthily and happily is with LOTS and LOTS of help from the rest of the family. The difference between single moms with lots of support and single moms with little support is huge.

Raising a child with 2 responsible adult parents is hard enough, let alone 2 very young adults with no money, no education, no career (not job, but career).

When I was faced with a similar situation, I did opt for an abortion. It wasn't easy - it still pains me. My boyfriend was very, very supportive and I feel like it's only helped us to become closer and really figure out what our life goals are. What does your boyfriend want to do?

Honestly, it sounds like your decision has already been made - you just need support. If you don't want to tell your parents, a few really good girlfriends, a great boyfriend and lots of research should help you through this. Ask you doctor lots of questions - sometimes I'm amazed at how caring and helpful the Planned Parenthood folks are.

Answer 4

From a parents perspective I think if you were younger, say 15 or 16 I'd have something to say in the decisions my child would make. Once they've reached that threshold of making there own decisions (18 and over) then this would be one of those times when my support in any decisions they make is most imperative. And even though I only have two sons, I would still want to know about the pregnancy. I suggest talking to both sets of your parents. Mom's can be incrediably understanding during times like these and they may have secrets that even you are not aware of, that they may be reluctant to share. It may take them a bit to become accustomed to the idea, but all parents have had to make sacrafices of some sort along the way. You may be pleasantly surprised. Good Luck!

Answer 5

I was a year younger then you when I became pregnant. I was applying for colleges and then found out I was pg (first time w/o condom). The thought of abortion was totally out of the question considering I am against that, but adoption was on my mind for the longest time. Then i finally realized that I got myself into this "mess" I will take myself out of it. I hid my pregnancy for 4 months before i told my mom, who by the way is totally against sex before marriage. She is very religious (Catholic)...But i landed up keeping my baby. yes it was a struggle, but i would not change it for anything. I am a single parent and loving every minute of it. It is now 10 years later and I am almost done with college. I have a very good job making excellent money. It will only take 4 years to finish college, but i did put my life on hold for a mistake i made. My mom was not happy for me getting pg, but in changed my life for the better because i used to party all the time and drink and do drugs like no tomorrow. Kids are given to from God...Keep the child believe me you will finish your goals, but it will take a little longer to do...Do as much college as you can well pg and then take break and go back. BUT ABORTION IS THE WRONG ANSWER... YOU WERE OLD ENOUGH TO DO "ADULT" THINGS NOW YOU CAN HANDLE YOUR RESPONSIBILITIES. BUT TAKING THE COWARDLY WAY OUT AND HAVING AN ABORTION IS TOTAL IGNORANCE!

Answer 6

Hello.
I know this is a very difficult situation, and it wouldn't be right for me to say that i know what you're going through, because i really don't. I do know, however, what it is to go directly against my parents. It was hard. They were hurt. But, in the long run, i think it will be best. You have to ask yourself if you're going to do what's easy, and have an abortion, or if you're going to do the hard thing, and tell the truth, and carry the baby to term. It's going to be really hard. But in the end, because you did the hard thing, there is another life, another person capable of loving, and living, of laughing and smiling. I think it would be a good idea, if you aren't ready to care for a child, to do adoption. There are many people who want children so badly, but are unable to have them. But if you think that you are ready and capable, then do whatever you have to, lean on your friends and family, and keep the baby. I don't know what you believe on abortion or anything else, but I would ask you to remember, that you were once that small. It is a human life, maybe not capable of living on its own right now, but it has a mind and a soul, and will soon have a heart. It's going to be really hard to tell your parents, and everyone else. But stay strong, because in the end, you won't regret being strong, and doing what you think is right.

I don't want to be grim at all, but i would ask you also to think for a moment of how you would feel after aborting a child. How would you feel years down the road? No one else can really tell you what to do. In the end it's all your decision. I just ask you to think these things through and not do anything rashly.

If you believe in God, I would strongly suggest that you pray.

Also, this organization may be able to help you out: www.care-net.org

One again, i don't know if you believe in God, but if it's okay with you, know that i'm keeping you in my prayers. I don't know you, but I do care about you, and I hope everything works out better thans you expected it to. Best of luck, and stay strong.

Answer 7

Wow, this is a very touchy subject. But I don't need to tell you that you got yourself into this, cause you already know that. For starters, you knew the risks of having sex, and obviously it didn't pan out well for you. Did you not use protection and think "It's only one time" or think you could play russian roulette? You now have a BIG responsibility. You want to hide this from your parents, but what if you decide to have the abortion and something goes terribly wrong? Then you will still have to tell them AND deal with other consequences. If you decide to carry to term and do the adoption thing, then you are cheating them out of knowing their grandchild. I know its hard, but you must first tell them. Tell them you screwed up (essentially you did) and now you NEED their guidance more than ever. They are your parents and will love you no matter what. After you have the baby you can see if you parents would adopt your child, after all they have the know-how to raise him/her and you would still get to see your child. This is exactly what I would do were it my daughter. There are programs out there to help you financially such as WIC and Government Assistance. I hate to sound brash, but its time to stop thinking about you and about that little one growing inside you. It makes me so mad that young unmarried women are having sex so frivolously and thinking that abortions and pills, and adoptions are the answer. Tell your parents. They WILL be angry at first, but it will only be short lived. My prayers are with you.

Answer 8

I urge you to give your child the greatest gift you can give: life.

Please read and consider the material and links below. God bless you and good luck.

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Your heart was already beating 24 days after conception, and every cell was alive and rapidly developing all that time. Abortion stops a beating heart. Dr. William Matviuw, an obstetrician/gynecologist, says that the nerves that sense pain reach the skin of the fetus by the ninth week of gestation. A specialist in pain control, Dr. Vincent J. Collins is a diplomate of the American Board of Anesthesiologists. He estimated the age at which a preborn child feels pain:

"As early as eight to 10 weeks' gestation, and definitely by thirteen and a half weeks, the human fetus experiences organic pain." The fetus at this age can feel the pain of being aborted.

By 42 days, the child's skeleton is formed (in cartilage, not yet bone). The brain co-ordinates movements of muscles and organs. Reflex responses have begun. (And the mother misses her second period.)

At 7 weeks, lips are sensitive to touch.

At 8 weeks, the child is a well-proportioned, small-scale baby, measuring just 3cm (1 1/8 in.), weighing a gram (1/30 oz.). Every organ is present. The heart beats sturdily. The stomach produces digestive juices. The liver manufactures blood cells. The kidneys begin to function. Taste buds are forming.

At 8 1/2 weeks, fingerprints are being engraved. Eyelids and palms of the hand are sensitive to touch.

At 9 weeks, the child will bend his or her fingers around an object placed in the palm. Thumb sucking occurs. Fingernails are forming.

* * *

The fifth month and beyond

After 20 weeks the baby is 190mm from crown to rump and weighs 460g. Head hair, eyebrows. eyelashes and nails are growing. To protect the baby's skin from prolonged contact with the amniotic fluid, a greasy substance called vernix covers the body. Between this stage and birth the baby will gain weight and will develop an insulating layer of fat beneath the skin. He or she will also receive maternal antibodies against some infections as a temporary protection until the infant's own immune system is better developed.

Waking and sleeping

Foetal activity is affected when the mother is tired or under stress.24 The baby is usually most notably active when the mother is lying down at night. The mother feels the baby's kicking and may notice sharp movements when the baby gets hiccups after drinking the amniotic fluid or practises its breathing movements. In later pregnancy the foetus has been observed to show "behavioural states" - waking, calm sleeping, and "rapid eye movement sleep" which is associated with dreaming in adults.

Answer 9

I have a friend that was in the same place as you are. She was my roommate. She knew that she should get an abortion, but she didn't. Her boyfriend cheated on her all the time, got another girl pregnant too while she was pregnant, and then he got kicked out of school, because she did all of his work for him, but stopped when she got really pregnant. I think he also gave her an std because she had yeast infections all the time. She had to move back home because she failed the 1 class she needed to graduate (since she was so busy doing her bf's work, and this was like the 4th time she was taking it) and now she goes to another crappy school because she wanted to keep an eye on her bf when he went there. This is your own decision, and it's something that you really have to think about. But what can you really do for a child now? It's really hard to take care of a baby and go to school, and I don't know anyone who has done it. My friend's life was really messed up. She now has a kid by a guy that cheats on her all the time.

Answer 10

sorry hun, but i think my situation was much worse than yours. i was only 18 when i found out i was pregnant. the same day i found out i was pregnant, i found out my boyfriend had stolen over 8 grand from my parents bank account leaving them in the whole. therefore i had to tell them both of the things the same day and let's just say they were not happy people. they have always thought very highly of me because i have always done really well in school and have always had good morals and values and this was only the second guy i had dated. he they always told me to wait for marriage to have sex and of course i didn't listen. my whole family is very close to God and so am i, which made it even harder for me to tell them because i knew they would never think of me as the same person. however i knew i had to because i knew they would forgive me. so since my parents had all their money stolen and i was only working at a grocery store, we were also not financially stable. after they freaked out about all the news, they have accepted the fact that i am about to be a mother and this has actually turned out to be a great experience for not only me but also my family. it has brought us closer together and i even found another guy, a much better person. my family not only approves of him but loves him very much. if i had not been through what i went through about 6 months ago, i would not appreciate life nearly as much as i do now. so in many ways, i am thankful and even though i have my regrets, i know that i can not go back and fix my mistakes so i have to suffer the consequences. i also decided that there was no reason for my child to have to be punished, so i decided to keep him. i am not, nor did i ever think about putting this baby up for adoption, much less having an abortion. it was my mistake, and my child should not have to suffer. i am moving on and now preparing for a new member to this family which is only about 5 weeks away. so good luck with whatever choices you make. i just hope they are for the best and that you are not just thinking about yourself.