Justify any behaviour?

Question

Why is it cheating spouses (and now ex spouses) can justify all their lies, cheating and deception? My ex is a master at making himself feel look like a good guy and that he actually was the one hurt. He was the one who lied, cheated and left his family for another woman!

Also - why do things get nasty whenever money is involved?

Answer 1

a guilty conscience goes a long way... I would just smile and let him have his feelings... if you can sleep at night and sleep in peace then dont worry about it.... what goes around comes around, and believe me, some day, he will wake up and the truth will slap him in the face.... as for the money, that is just a given when ppl break up or divorce, every one feels cheated... so if ya can it needs to be put into legal papers and dealt with that way, let the courts take the burden... God bless

Answer 2

People in general have a great skill in explaining and justifying just about any behavior - even when there is objective evidence that the reasons for them acting a certain way had nothing to do with the explanation (look up "confabulation"). I'm sure that just as your ex can masterfully justify *his* lies and cheating, you can just as masterfully justify why *you* married such a lying cheating bastard to begin with. You yourself just pointed a finger in your question; can you not accept at least 50% of the blame for making the choice that you had made? Everyone justifies their actions to one degree or another; it's a common trait that *all* of us possess, not just the cheating spouses. There are biological, psychological and evolutionary explanations for it that would be too long to go into here.

And yes, money is a great point of contention, no doubt. I don't know why, I'm sure there are many theories about it. I imagine, yours was a rhethorical question.

Answer 3

Men and women feel that they have to justify their wrongs. There is no justification for cheating. It's just plain wrong. I understand that people think they have there reasons, but when it comes down to it, deal with the initial issue, don't cheat. Deal with the problems the couple is having. If they cannot be resolved, discontinue the relationship.

Money changes everything. Ever heard that expression? Well, it's true. Human's have a natural greedy tendency. ALL humans have it. Some control it better than others. Some are scared of losing what they have, some are scared of giving in to someone else. But where there's money, (or lack of) there are issues.

Try to remember, that money does NOT buy happiness. It is not worth ruining a relationship over. It should not get in the way of happiness. I see too many couples that do nothing but fight, and all over money? Why? So she bought a pair of shoes. So he bought a drill. So what? Do your kids have food? Is your rent paid? Do you have hot water? Yes? Then you know what, if those shoes, or that drill makes you happy, then you deserve it.

Answer 4

Cheating spouses make themselves out to be victims because it helps ease their guilty consciences and it answers criticism. I mean, these days, it's commonly accepted that cheating is a manifestation of bigger problems within a relationship rather than just about the actual affair. And it seems that because of this, the cruelty and dishonesty of cheating is somehow minimized (which of course it shouldn't be). Or justified. I hope that other woman has better luck with the ex and he was worth the trouble for both of them - but if he does it with her, he'll do it to her. Finally - money. Money really brings out the worst in people sometimes; it's associated with and commonly confused with success, power, security, blah blah blah. The more we have, the better off we are, we think. - a sort of dependence. Anyway, I hope you have made it through your ex's nasty ways - good luck for the future!

Answer 5

Many people have not been cared for properly as children and as a result they're unable to take any resposibility for themselves. They grow up angry at everything and everyone. So whatever they do to hurt others - whether it's cheating or anything else - they cannot accept responsibity. Like a child says, "it's always his/her fault." People like that are often control freaks and they can't deal with anyone challenging their feelings or actions as that makes them feel insecure - hence they turn the tables around, manipulating others and turning the blame on them.

The money thing is to do with insecurity and greed - some people need money to feel secure as it's all they feel they have in the world. When people don't "do" emotion, money can be a satisifying alternative.

Answer 6

Some people are just walking around this world without any sense of right and wrong or humility. Anyone can justify almost any action if they try hard enough. Next time around, when you get to that point, make sure you find a man with strong morals and a sense of duty to the truth.

People get nasty about money, because they don't want to give any of their money up to you. It's like a two year old with candy, just try to take it away without him screaming and kicking. Ignore nasty and keep working towards getting what is rightfully yours.

Answer 7

because people in the wrong can justify any action in their minds. Even though they are cognizant of the fact that they are in the wrong they'll try and ram their half-as*ed excuses down your throat in an effort to make them feel good.

As far as the money thing goes....kids are a urden except their a cash cow with whoever gets the child support payments. Property is a fightable commodity only because it gives you a place to stay until you sell it..hence reaping in cash.
and lets face it...money is everything because it is. It's the only formidable thing that everyone needs to survive, is guarded jealously and is marketable anywhere. That's why fights occur over money. It's legal tender and it takes so goddamn long to make (hourly rate-wise).

Answer 8

It is easier to blame everyone else. Part of that scam is that is how he ended up with another woman. He made you out to be the total bad guy to gain trust and sympathy from some woman who was desperate. The nastiness about the money is because he is having to buy her love and affection, and anything he has to give to you takes away from his success at roping her in. He will get caught at his lies, the truth will come out and everyone he turned against you with his lies will feel stupid for not seeing it. She will be in your position some day soon. You never know, maybe the two of you will end up being friends>

Answer 9

My ex was the same way and my family thought I was so wrong for leaving him, except my mom. He was a wolf in sheep clothing. He would lie and make everything seem like it was my fault. Men like to control women with money. If you have no money then it is the only way they feel they can get you to do or act the way they want you too.

Answer 10

All I can say is he's a man. Men always feel they are right and no one else matters. I'm speaking from my experiences and things I learn along the way. They want to blame you and say that you're the one who causes them to do these things. The way I feel is you don't love and that's that. Why even marry me if you don't want to be faithful. I would feel a lot better to know that we are not committed and you do those things to than for us to be. Money makes things nasty in every situation. You have to expect that.