So my freind really likes this guy, and he seems to like her. He says he "wants her" and that he "likes her as a person." He has made a couple of moves on her, they kissed, fooled around ,etc. but no sex. Only problem is, he's married with two kids. He tells her she is beautiful, but he can't keep seening her because he doesn't want to lose his kids. In fact he has told her this twice, but still came back for more the second time. He obviously really loves his kids, and seems to be a good man. He says that he has never been in this type of situation before. He never says anything about not wanting to hurt his wife, only about hurting his kids. Is it just me, or does this guy seem to just be with her for the kids? Also, if he came back to my friend once after telling her he couldn't, is there a chance he'll slip up again, or is it more likely that he is serious this time.
2006-10-17 06:44:41 · 67 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I am more interested in putting the moves on you! How about it,sexy?
2006-10-17 07:03:11 · answer #1 · answered by onelonevoice 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You say that he "seems to be a good man". Maybe to you, but a good man doesn't fool around on his wife, no matter what his relationship with her is.
You are right when you say that his being married with two kids is "the only problem".
If your friend had any level of self respect then she would tell this guy to take a hike, & only call her if & when his divorce is final.
But as you already said, he's staying for the kids sake.
So where does that leave your friend? Obviously in a relationship that is going nowhere for her.
2006-10-17 07:29:48 · answer #2 · answered by No More 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Your friend needs to move on. Unfortunately you may never know what the truth is with this guy. Why would he lose his kids if he divorced his wife? Sure shared custody isn't the best option for someone wanting to raise their kids but neither is living in a loveless relationship. Dr. Phil says that kids would rather be from a broken home than to live in one. Sounds to me like this is just an excuse. If he is a great guy, then he should get his "affairs" in order, no pun intended, and then look your friend up. Right now, he simply is not available for a full committed relationship. Your friend shouldn't accept anything less???
2006-10-17 06:59:46 · answer #3 · answered by smile 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your friend is likely to be hurt at the end.
This man is having marital problems, this is why he's fooling around with your friend. He's looking for little extra goodies that he's missing in the marriage. He may be not saying it that he cares a great deal for his wife because if he is to say it to your friend is most likely to "discontinue" the benefits. When man says I don't want to hurt my wife the affair is over.
Most likely, he'll just keep fooling around with her until his wife realizes he's having an affair and steps in. Then she's likely to pose the question like "me or her" and this is where this kind of men get scared and run back to their wives. Long story short: advise your friend to dump him before he dumps her. It will be better for her because she can find someone who's already available now. It will better for him because he can work on his marriage and decide something for real - is he in or out.
2006-10-17 08:15:52 · answer #4 · answered by Snowflake 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This guy's marriage is in real trouble. But.. most likely not for the reasons you would think. I bet he IS staying in the marriage "for the kids" because he doesn't want to be hit with child support payments (and possibly alimony as well). So.. instead of working things out with the wife (like going to counceling) he is taking the chicken-s**t approach and just seeing how far he can go.
His definition of cheating must be "no vaginal intercourse" so he can honestly say "I've never had sex with any woman but my wife".
Your "friend" needs to wise up and realize that if a guy would do this to someone he is "committed" to and has children with... what makes her think that he will be any different when she get him to herself? She should really be thinking.. is this the type of person I want in my life? someone who will not work things out.. will activly lie to me... do whatever he needs to do to make HIM feel better and screw the rest of the family.
I would hope not. I would hope she would think better of herself and have more respect for herself than that.
The best thing your "friend" can do is to tell this guy that he needs to leave her alone and if he doesn't that his family will find out about what he has been doing with all his spare time - time that he should have been putting into working on his marriage or getting a divorce.
2006-10-17 07:48:36 · answer #5 · answered by .... 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like a true profiled cheater....
"I have never done this before" yep okay...
Your friend has to realize he is just using her for "a thrill" regardless what has actually happened between the two of them. Some men need a self-esteem booster, sounds like your friends might be just that for him.
Married men that cheat and say they can't leave because of their children are very self-absorbed. First off using their children as an excuse is horrible. Second, if he isn't happy he'd work out a way to see his kids even after a divorce. And thirdly, once a cheater... always a cheater.
Hopefully his wife finds out and puts his game on pause....
2006-10-17 07:47:19 · answer #6 · answered by razzyrascal 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well... he will come back as long as she lets him.
He won't leave his wife until he grows a back bone and realizes that he can still be there for his kids and not have to stay in an unhappy relationship.
So... as long as your friend can be content with being the "other woman" I guess it's all good. But she will be the one missing out on the oppurtunity to find a man who will really love her and be committed to her happiness. This man isn't either willing or capable of doing this and that probably won't change.
2006-10-17 07:28:17 · answer #7 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your friend needs to show some maturity and personal responsibility and tell this guy that he needs to get a divorce if he wants to pursue the relationship. He obviously is telling her what she wants to hear in order to keep her hanging on.
If he has no intentions of divorcing his wife before he pursues your friend, she needs to move on.
And if he says he's never done this before-he's lying ! Married men tell women that all the time in order to make them feel "special", and to make them think there is something so tempting about them to lure them outside their marriage.
Least of all, your friend has to reason if she can live with the guilt of breaking up a family. How can he be a "nice guy" if he's cheating on his wife?
And lastly, what goes around comes around.
2006-10-17 07:07:20 · answer #8 · answered by Big Bear 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
there are hundreds of thousands of divorced parents out there, that have not lost their children. Children are NOT a excuse to stay in a crappy relationship. Children would rather have two happy parents that they see separately then a pair of parents that live together in misery.
People often use their children as a excuse, to cheat, and yes that is what he is doing cheating. and tell your friend even if he does leave his wife for her ( which is a very very slim chance) that he has already established he is willing to leave a relationship he is in and cheat......... does she want to be the next one he is telling another girl about?
There are way too many single people in the world to fool around with married ones.
2006-10-17 06:57:54 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Married men are married because they want to be! Tell your friend to move on cuz he seems to be using her when he has time ( when he's Bored). If he really wanted his kids and disliked his wife, he would get divorced and fight for the kids. Tell your friend that every female deserves to be #1 and treated with respect and what he's doing is just for fun, he may like her but not enough to be serious with her.
2006-10-17 07:06:23 · answer #10 · answered by gwen 1 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like a case of having your cake and eating it too. Married man fooling around with a single woman. He'll tell her anything for sex and she's dumb enough to fall for it? A "good man" with a wife and children shouldn't be seeing other women on the side. What makes her think she's the ONLY ONE?
If he cheats on his wife, he'll cheat on your friend too.
2006-10-17 06:55:12 · answer #11 · answered by jack w 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋