i need advice.....?

Question

Lately my husband and i havent been on the same page, we dont click like we use to. i sometime talk to my ex but my husband doesnt know.when i talk to my ex i can tell we both still have feeling for each other.we both thought that we were each others soul mate.the reason that we are not together is that he moved and i fell for someone else (my husband) .should i stop talking to my ex? tell my husband?or see if there really still chemistry between my ex and i ? what should i do?

Answer 1

I've read some realllly judgmental replies to your question, and I know that's not what you need right now. You don't need lectures on morality and god, you just need help figuring out which direction to go in. I understand that, because about one minute after my ex-husband and I got married, it turned into cr@p. I left him a year later.

Now I'm with a new guy, years later, and I turn to my ex who I romanticize was so wonderful about this and understood me about that. Whenever my current guy aggravates me, I think about how the ex would handle the situation. Its like when someone dies, you romanticize and elevate them to a pedestal almost. Don't be tricked by this reminiscent stuff.

If you jumped too quickly into this marriage and you feel that you want to investigate why your first one ended, give it a LOT of thought before you do anything else. And keep quiet about it. Rebounds and new relationships can be fun and exciting and before you know it you're married. Maybe you rushed into this one too quickly.

And make sure you know how your ex feels about everything before you do anything further. You could just be romanticizing. I'd think for a long long time before I made any kind of move yet. Writing your feelings down on paper or PC and then reading it a week later is very revealing also.

Answer 2

You were with your ex. It didn't work. For a reason, I am sure. If chemistry alone was enough to sustain a relationship, you guys might have still been together. Chemistry is great when you don't have to deal with each other day in and day out; when you do, "chemistry" takes the back seat, and mundanity sets in. Which, it sounds like, happened with you and your husband.

I say, drop the ex if you want to keep your marriage. Running from problems into an imaginary world won't do any good. Try to figure out what went wrong between you and your husband. I don't know if the answer is to sit down and "talk it out", to see a marriage counselor, to take time off for a vacation and "re-connect", ot what. Bringing the ex into the picture will comlicate things, and will lead you away from a constructive solution.

Answer 3

If there is no physical or emotional abuse from either side and you have been happy together, then you must work through these issues. You cannot "click" with your husband because you have all ready begun to shut down thinking the ex is the best way to go. If you give your marriage a chance and remember why you married this guy (hopefully you did and still do love him), then there is no reason to hurt him and ruin his life too. You owe it to this man to try your best to work things out and be a faithful, loving wife. Here is the deal...Stay home for one year, lose the ex, and give your marriage an honest effort. If after that time things work out, great! If not, then perhaps you could look to another life partner. It is your responsibility and the right thing to do, period!
We are 55 & 54 and have been married 34 years. First time for both! Trust me...

Answer 4

As far as I'm concerned, you're emotionally cheating on your husband. Lost love is always sad, particularly when the person you lose is someone you consider your soul mate. However, you did make the choice to get married when you and your ex were out of touch, and if you really meant those vows about "for better or for worse," that means you have to honor them. In marriage you will have rough patches sometimes, and you can't just bail when things get tough. I think you need to either break ties with your ex or introduce him to your husband and he can be a friend of the family (that might be really difficult for you.) I think you will honestly find that this is a case of the grass being greener on the other side. Your ex just seems like the better man right now because there's all this drama. If you left your husband for him and the two of you settled down, eventually life with him would get sort of stagnant and boring too, because that's sort of how marriage works. Good luck to you. PLEASE don't cheat on your husband.

Answer 5

The question is are you happy with your husband? and do you have kids with him? Because if you are then honestly, its your subconcious mind that is making you feel as if you and your husband are not on the same page. You talk to your ex and out of guilt, without you knowing, you make you and your husband fight. It's obvious you still have feelings for your ex, however, are you willing to take a chance of leaving your husband to be with your ex? What if it doesn't work out? Then you end up with nobody. You should stop talking to your ex. How would you like it if he still spoke to his ex behind your back? You probably feel a little excitement by talking to your ex, but it is wrong. You have to decide whether or not you'll be happy without your husband. Because once you leave there's no turning back.

Answer 6

Perhaps you should have a meeting with your husband and your ex together and talk about your feelings. This will cause your husband to better understand why you two are not on the same page and will also cause your ex to understand that you have made a life long commitment to your husband and that you intend on sticking to it.

Answer 7

The first thing you should do is talk to your husband and let him know how you feel because if he finds out that you are still talking to you ex he may leave for good. honestly you don't know what you what right now so i advise some u time to really think about what you want it didn't work one time with your ex that's why hes your ex really it comes down to are you going to leave a stable relationship that needs some work or are you going to leave and hope it works

Answer 8

First thing you need to do is quit talking to the ex. When you take your affections outside of the marriage then you are committing adultery rather you are having sex or not. You are giving to another man what you should be giving to your husband.

Most problems in a marriage can be worked out as long as one or the other doesn't lean to an outsider.

All relationships will go through times of feeling disconnected. The question is where is your loyalties? Are you committed to this relationship enough to ride out the bad times in order to enjoy the good. Are you committed to this relationship to do what it takes to fix whatever is wrong so the two of you can be happy again? If not.... then you will be forever bouncing from one lover to another because you lack commitment.

Answer 9

If you are in love with your husband, why are you making contact with your ex. He is an ex for a reason. I am not saying that there cannot be feelings there, but you need to move on and straighten out your current relationship so it too does not leave you with an ex...

Answer 10

I have a question for you, if you think your ex is your soul mate, then why did you marry someone else, I think you need to take some time and do some soul searching, you can't rely on someone else to make you happy you need to answer those questions for yourself. After you have done some soul searching I would start by talking to your husband and be completely open and honest. Good Luck.