Should i pursue a divorce?

Question

My wife walked out of our relationship about 2 years ago. I was not sure whether to call it quits when she left. We have a son together so that made it harder for me to just get up and say let's get a divorce. I tried somethimes to make the situation better, but everytime we meet or talk it's always about the past, and about my fault's only. I have to admit that our communication level was not the greatest. But at the same time i find it hard to communicate with someone who has outburst ever time, or always pointing the finger at me. Sometimes i would walk away from the situation till things cool down. Maybe a day or so, then respond. I love her a great deal, so during our time apart we would have sex. So she got pregnant again. I tried to be the better man for the family and for me by asking her to take her ring back and start over. She told me that she would not take the ring back and she was not sure if the child was mine. I know what to do in my head, but in my heart i don't know.

Answer 1

Run Forrest Run! She left you told you she didn't want her wedding ring back, now she's pregnant & tells you the baby might not be yours. Man I thought I had it bad, I understand how you feel. I mean dealing with what's really going on in your head, but feeling something else in your heart. Sorry to tell you this but you have to let her go, she has told you and by her actions she has moved on from you & the marriage. Keep that love in your heart and move on, it will hurt but with time you wound will heal.

Answer 2

As you know you have a tough choice. It sounds like your on a emotional roller coaster. And there's someone else at the controls. You are definitely getting mixed signals which are leaving you confused and unsure. Your still having sex. But she doesn't want the ring and tells you, you may not be the father.
So you can ride the fence. If you jump off onto one side. You make up your mind that no matter what you are going to do your best to work things out. Try to get back together and rebuild your marriage. The flaw being if she has already given up and checked out. Holding onto that hope or making that kind of emotional investment, not to have it returned is rough.
There is the other side of the fence. You can leap off and say your done with this relationship. That it's not worth the heart ache. And yet you'll have that gnawing feeling of the, what if's.
To me it sounds like she has already made up her mind. But she's keeping you on the line. Maybe afraid to completely let go. You need to think about yourself and your future happiness now. Good luck

Answer 3

In your place, think I'd spend a few sessions in family counseling. Marriages work when you have admiration, respect, passion and trust. And a recent study has come out that marriage succed when for every single negative comment, there are 6 or more positive ones. The lower that ratio, the dicier the relationship. This was 30,000 couples over a 30 year period.


Firstly, it sounds like neither of you knows how to argue fairly, and to argue fairly one does not point or accuse the other of wrong doings, Rant, rave carry on, and call each other names. This is baby stuff, and gets no where......
(Read a book called The Assertive Option -- a standard
in the field, buyit on Amazon.com. A counsellor can help you get issues out on the table, without everything breaking down into a shouting match. You need to see if this relationship is even salvageable. And if it is not, you each need to get on with your lives.)

As an aside, your children need to understand that none of this is their fault -- kids always think it is. She obviously doesn't
know where square one is if she got pregnant, either by you or someone else, in an unstable situation. Not only does she take on a child she is ill prepared to properly raise, but she was inconsiderate of that child to not even know its parentage!!!!! Either I live in a glass tower, or no one thinks much further than the next orgasm.

Answer 4

Get professional counseling. Try to make it work for the kids sake. I know in today's day and age it's considered ridiculous to stay together for the kids but look at all the problems divorce has caused in this world. If your ex is truly not interested in getting back together then go to counseling for yourself. Learn how to become a better person and then take care of your children. Don't get remarried or start dating until after your kids are grown. I know this sounds harsh but you decided to have kids and now must place their needs above your own. Best thing that could happen is that you and your wife reconcile. BTW your wife may be saying that this current child isn't yours just to get a reaction out of you. It sounds like she's been hurt pretty badly and that you both need help. Good luck to you.

Answer 5

You got to ask yourself a question that requires plain simple thought. Trash all the bull crap and get serious with your life. The most important thing right now is your children. So do what a Man does and take care of your kids and forget the wife that walked out and all that cry baby crap.
You will prevail stronger in the long run....it's her loss not yours. When my wife walked out on me two years ago I had a girl move in to replace and her pissed her off that she came back and were still together.
What I am saying is that when she found out I really don;t give a sh** about her walking it out, she realized that I am a man that takes care of my family and provide..if she wants better than go for it.
I stand my ground and believe me she won't leave again because I won't take her back.

Answer 6

Boy, I thought I had problems, if you take her back then who is to say she won'[t leave again as soon as the new baby comes? Then you will all be hurt again. If she doesn't know the baby is your for sure, I'd say divorce her, except that in most states you can't get a divorce while she is pregnant. so, just ride it out and if she wants to get together later then, make her have a DNA test done so that you don't get attached to a child that she can snatch and run with.

Answer 7

I think that you should get a divorce, even though it will be the hardest thing you will ever have to do you need to do whats best for you. Dont let her walk all over you just because you have a past together. But if you do get a divorce make sure you stay in your sons life because it is easier to have divorced parents then just a mom.

Answer 8

You have a full plate. I am female, just went through divorce. I still love him. I know that may not make sense, but I know you still care for her, and it is hard to make that final decision. When you cross that line, its so hard to get it back. You can ask for a dna test to prove if it is your child. Also, you are just as equal to any rights because you are still married to her. You are doing the right thing by trying to work it out, and by putting alot of thought into it. Please don't take everything that everyone says personal. You are fine for having asked advice to hope that it will help you, but some people are not out to help you, and they put little thought into their answer. So please don't make your decision based on how others feel. In your heart you know that you love her and you are still willing to try and fix things. Please keep your child you have already in your thoughts, and ask her to do the same. This is so hard, I feel like I am there with you, and I wish I could help you. She should know in her heart that you are very much in love with her, and that you care or you wouldn't be worried so much. I wish you a lot of luck, and hope you get the results you want. If it comes out to be your child, and you get your family back then I will be so glad for you. I am no doctor, or professional, but if you want to talk to someone, you can talk to me. I have a 6 year old, and I tried to fix my marriage, we were together for almost 11 1/2 years. I can't get over that, and I hope my child will understand one day. I wish you the best.

Answer 9

I think it's time to move on. You can't stay in a relationship for the kids sake, the kids can see that you are unhappy and they will be unhappy as well. You can't stay in a relationship where the past is constantly thrown in your face either. It sounds like maybe she's not ready to settle down? I would suggest either counseling for the both of you or going your own separate ways. Relationships are hard work, and you need to have trust and good communication.

Answer 10

C'mon Dude.......if she is telling you that she isn't even sure the baby is yours shouldn't that tell you all you need to know?? I went through a divorce that started out a lot like yours. I was being blamed for everything, she wanted out, she would be happier, blah, blah, blah. I was devastated. In the end, she wanted me back, I said "NO". I have found a wonderful lady who loves me for me, doesn't want any more than me and I am happy. My ex-? She got re-married after she got knocked up, lost custody of our kids to me and now lives 1500 miles away from me in a trailer park! It was hard, but necessary both for my kids and my own mental health. If you listen to someone you care about tell you everything is your fault long enough, you will start to believe it. Get out, get your head on right and don't make the same mistake twice. Be real picky when you jump back into the dating waters. Good Luck!