How to be a good friend?

Question

I haven’t had a really friend since about 5th grade. I’ve had acquaintances, people I will talk to here and there. Say hello, ask how your day was going and etc. But I haven’t had any really friends, someone I can just talk to or share what’s on my mind. And I sort of tired of it. Always going to the movies by myself, and eating alone. It gets tiring after awhile. I’m also in my 2nd yr of college. I think I may have missed out on the “friendship thing” that freshmen make, because I didn’t make any strong bonds with anyone. What can I do to change the predicament I’m in? I’m also an introvert which doesn’t help me in my friend department.

How do I make friends, it seems as if I’ve forgotten how. How do I get myself interested in what others are interested in? How do I make new friendships that will last? What advice can you give that can help me out?

Answer 1

This is a great question. First of all, congratulations on wanting to change yourself, and not expecting others to do the changing for you.

You really don't have to be interested in the same things that other people are. The key is to be happy for whatever a person is talking about. For instance, if you have NO interest in football, but a guy talks to you about it, ask open questions like, "Oh neat, I should go to a game and check out the team. When's the next game?"

Also don't be afraid to say who you are. If you're introverted, make people aware of that so they don't think you're just quiet because you don't like them. Let them know that's just how you are.

Most importantly, above all, be a good listener. Ask many questions, "So, how'd you choose this school? What's there to do around here? Taken any interesting classes that I should keep my eyes open for?"

Expressing a genuine interest in what other people talk about is a great way to develop respect and a good reputation. People LOVE to talk to others that are concerned with what they have to say. When people talk to you, look at them. Don't figget with other things or act distracted.

I've noticed that I'm one of the first people that others come to when they have something exciting to tell me. They feel comfortable telling me things because they know I've very attentive. It works!

Congratulations. You seem like a well-rounded person that wants to flourish, and this is the first step, to actually recognizing what YOU can do to change. You are in control of your own destiny...Start socializing ;)

Answer 2

i completely understand! i'm also an introvert and just moved to a new town. it took me two years to make some good friends back home and now i feel i'm starting all over.

it's hard to find friendships that last... some people find them once in a life time and make sure to hold on, others have a small accumulated circle, while others connect with everyone they meet. you didn't miss out on the 'friendship thing' you just haven discovered it yet.
the main point is this, don't force it, but put yourself out there. if you're not around, then no one can even have the opportunity to start a friendship. don't expect deep relationships immediately, it doesn't work that way, time will tell if you have a close friend or not.
ask an acquaintance to the movies with you or out for pizza, start small. open your mind to the opportunity to learn things about people you didn't know. not all of it will always be interesting or your 'cup of tea' but part of being a friend is listening even when your bored out of your skull.
remember friends come in all shapes and sizes, each and everyone is diverse in character, personality and interest but that is what makes them so special.

Answer 3

This sounds really lame and trite, but it's true. "To have a friend you must be a friend."

I know it's hard because you're introverted, but try to extend yourself to people as much as you can. Of those "acquaintences" that you know - pick a few of them that have good character and similar interests to you. Then, when you see them again, just ask them about their lives. "How are classes going?" Try to remember ANYTHING personal about them "Are you still going out with X?" and ask them about that. Put yourself out there and express interest in them.

Then, if you can, try to do something with them. Guys seem to form friendships by "doing stuff" together, whereas women tend to form them by "talking." Hang out and watch a game, help them move their stuff, find music that you both like and talk about that.

Lastly, if you're in a college that has clubs - JOIN THOSE! Most of my college friends I found thru clubs. Another idea is a part time job - where you will meet new ppl. Nothing promotes bonding with people like a sucky parttime job.

Best of luck to you!

Answer 4

You're not alone there are a lot of people like you. It's never too late to make friends. I would give you the same advice I would give to someone who was looking for a bf or gf. You have to get out there. Since you're at school maybe you could join a club or a study group. Don't expect to bond with someone right away and don't be too pushy. Be yourself because you want to liked for who you truly are.

Answer 5

Just be yourself. Do you have any hobbies? If so, while getting hobby supplies or out doing hobbies then speak to someone doing similar activites. You never know what someone is like until you talk to them. Maybe someone in your class? Go to a study group, even if you are super smart & don't need it. Maybe they need you. Do you have a job? Get a friend at work. Talk to people on the internet. I don't have a lot of friends, I rely a lot on family. Maybe that is something you could do.
Good luck!

Answer 6

You answered your own question toward the end.
"How do I get myself interested in what others are interested in?" You can't. You might be going at it backwards. Make a list of all YOUR interests. Now look at the bulletin boards for a group that shares your interests. Why waste your time trying to become interested in someone who doesn't share your interests? Out there in the college is someone looking for some one with your interests. They don't have to be exact but at least close. Again, check out the bulletin boards, social groups etc.
Good luck
Vaya con DIOS

Answer 7

Since you're in college you can join clubs that are of interest to you and make friends that way. Don't compromise your character though. What I mean is, don't try to be somethng you're not just to make friends. Join a church, you can always find friends there. What about your family? No close cousins you can hang out with? Plus, you're a sophmore, you can still make friends because when you take your core requirement class there are people in there of all ages!

Answer 8

Kevin, some of my closest friends are people who have taken an interest in me. They have gone out of their way to get to know me, my interests, my personality, etc. Their interest in getting to know me helped me to want to get to know them. Most people are interested in themselves and real friendships are hard to find. Just because you are introverted doesn't mean you don't deserve friends. Be yourself, but at the same time you will have to put a lot of effort into others if you want a close friendship.

Answer 9

lets see...second year of college and you are talking as if your life is almost over...you will be fine...dont try to hard or you might end up making yourself be involved with someone that you may end up not really caring to be around...try just going out and doing something you enjoy and spark up a conversation with someone in the process...that way at least you know you are starting off with someone you have something in common with...go to the college parties ...be young...have fun...set up a myspace account and be a weirdo for a while...its fun and you are in the time of your life where you can still do things at the spur of the moment and be forgiven if it doesnt work...dont put too much pressure on yourself...friends come and go and i wish you well in finding one or two or three that will enjoy you as you are meant to be...go have fun with a few acquaintances....you never know what you may spark...

Answer 10

Just go hang where the guys hang. Go to some man events and engage in activity. Thats how it usually begins is with some man talk. Talk about video chicks, sports, school, whatever interests your mind.