He tells them that God can do anything(granted He can) and to have hope. He was abusive and unfaithful, we won't get back together. When he starts this up I start having problems with my oldest and it affects his school.
2006-10-17 06:13:01 · 12 answers · asked by veronica 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
tell the dad if this behavior doesn't stop his visitation rights will that should put a stop to it
2006-10-17 07:10:07 · answer #1 · answered by Amy M 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
You can seek legal advice, this may even include supervised visitation. Don't let it bother you to the extent where your children see it does. Often times you can actually go to a legal office and the assistant can answer your questions. I have went through this, I have a little girl who just turned 6, and I have had a rough time through my divorce. Also don't let him see that it bothers you, and don't let him in on every detail. If you seek legal advice, don't tell him. Let them tell you what to do. You may not have to tell him, they may be the one to do that. If he shows his attitude, or hatefullness about it, then they will see first hand. This will also keep you out of trouble. As for your childs schoolwork, talk with your childs teacher, if they can help with the situation then it will help you a great deal. Don't show him that you are bothered remember, he feeds off of it. If he cared about you then you and your family wouldn't be going through this. I hope you have a lot of luck. Remember to talk to a trusted friend or family member so you don't have to carry everything around on your chest. Have hope, and be positive. I know exactly where your at. It will take a lot of time, and it will hurt. But when its over you will feel like a new person.
2006-10-17 06:43:45 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Tell them IN FRONT OF HIM, that you two WILL NOT be getting back together, and also in front of them, tell him that it is really effecting them, and to please stop.
Then, speak to him without the children, and let him know that while he may have found God now, at the time that you were together, your relationship was not a good one. And he acting ANYTHING BUT like a Godly husband. Also tell him that that ship has come and gone. His infidelity was grounds for divorce in the sight of God, and that it is over and FOR GOOD.
Tell him that if he loves your children, then he will love them enough to not hurt them that way, and involve them in his own issues. Let him know that if he continues this, then it shows that his selfishness and his agenda is all that matters, and not the mental and emotional health and stability of the children. And that as their mother who DOES love them, that will NOT be tolerated.
Be firm. Be clear. And let him know that it is ONLY because of the children that you are willing to be civil, but that it can be arranged that you will not have any contact at all, it can all be done through a mediator if he doesn't stop deluding himself.
2006-10-17 08:14:58 · answer #3 · answered by lilac b 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell your children you love them and will always care about their father but you couldn't live together because of being on different paths in life. Tell them God works wonders daily, but both people need to want it and you have grown to be a different person. This is somewhat confusing to them, but they will understand when you reference to something they have "outgrown", it helps.. honest. I have three kids and their dad this for two years and finally the kids would tell their dad that God had other plans for mom.
Kinda takes them outta the lime light for awhile.
2006-10-17 08:02:59 · answer #4 · answered by razzyrascal 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
speaking from experience because this happened to me 13 years ago i tried so hard to keep the divorce between us without including our daughter he did the same thing always told her that we would get back together even went as far as telling her if she didn't behave we wouldn't my daughter is 22 years old now and he pretty much put a strain on hers and my relationship together get counseling all three of you this way the therapist can make your soon to be ex realize he is causing some damage where his son is concerned
2006-10-17 09:52:08 · answer #5 · answered by kayme42 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
YOU cant do anything about your ex -- he has to learn how to deal with reality ... and it sounds like the ex has NOT come to grips that HIS BEHAVIOR caused the problems in the marriage and you had the STRENGTH to walk away with YOUR life and your children's lives.
YOU can only assure your children that you love them, care for them, but you are happy right now ... and when they are able to understand (near adulthood, but even before), start explaining how to respect your marital partner --
How it is bad to be abusive to your spouse (then when they are near adults or afterwards -- and show signs of understanding -- tell them about WHY you divorced), how bad it is to beat your spouse, how bad it is to mistreat your spouse --
AND GIVE THEM EXAMPLES of how to care about others - especially a spouse in a POSITIVE manner.
2006-10-17 06:30:56 · answer #6 · answered by sglmom 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well he should not be using the kids that's what he is doing and that's so wrong you need to tell him to stop and tell the kids that you and there dad are over and no matter what he is telling them you are not getting back together ............ and girl you need to tell your ex to stop cause that's not good for the kids as you said your oldest is taking that to heart and you don't need that ......
and tell your ex aether he stops or he don't get to see the kids tell he can grow up and look out for the kids and not himself
2006-10-17 06:27:02 · answer #7 · answered by bonnie 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you invite over the ex and you , he and the kids sit down and you tell the children in front of him that god is wonderful, but he has other plans for you .
2006-10-17 06:28:09 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You might want to bring him to court to disallow further visitation, because that is plain evil. It is cruel to lie to a child and get his hopes up only to have those hopes crushed. That makes me sick.
2006-10-17 07:13:42 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
take the child to therapy sessions (5+) and take the report from therapist to friend of the court.
2006-10-17 06:26:41 · answer #10 · answered by missy 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋