I read that the root of hate is fear....this could be true. I have 2 sons whom visit their dad every other weekend. I don't mind that they visit...what I do mind is the things that he tells them...things like...mom is a sinner....he changes beliefs & opinions with his current wife. They both have made comments to the belief that they are better then me. I really do hate this man and it just hurts me. I try to hide my feelings from my boys, but they know how i feel...help.....
2006-10-17 06:12:59 · 14 answers · asked by cheenabelle1967 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Let them say what they want and don't let it get to you. You have to be the bigger person. When your son's grow up they will make their own decisions don't try to do it for them it will just make things worse. Find someone to confide in and talk to them about it and make sure to do it out of ear range of your son's. That way you get it out but don't compromise you relationship with your son's.
2006-10-17 06:48:50 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
The best revenge is happiness and success. Sounds like the ex has moved on and is happy, and is getting double the pleasure because he can still make you miserable.
Do your own thing. Stop letting the opinion of him and his new love matter to you. Who gives a damn? You are a grown woman. And at this point the only thing you have in common with this man is your children.
Go on with your life. Find new interests, new friends (if the old ones aren't of any support or help) and DO SOMETHING besides letting the hate rott you from the inside out. Carrying around that kind of negativity makes you ugly on the outside, and it actually REPELS people. Your friends have probably started putting distance between you and them because that kind of negativity is toxic.
You must love this man or else it wouldn't bother you. Teach your sons right from wrong, teach them about OPINIONS and FACT. Teach them tolerance, and humility, and most of all that people are imperfect and to recognize that.
Then.......go DO something on the weekend that you have to yourself. Go to the gym, get your hair done. Go to some social gathering that you enjoy, and meet people. Not to sound mean, but get a life......because letting your life be about the kids' time with the ex........and the things he has to say about ANYTHING doesn't show much of a life for you.
Free yourself, hun.
2006-10-17 07:52:09 · answer #2 · answered by lilac b 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Take the high road. Everyone can choose to remain angry and bitter or move on. It's over, you can wallow in it and try to get even or act like an adult. I don't think I have to tell you where he's at. Sit your kids down and explain to them that daddy's feelings are hurt. He thought you (mom) would be with him forever, and it didn't work out that way. Tell them he might say mean or hurtful things about you, but he doesn't mean it. He's just angry that you split up. Then give them some ammunition too. Tell them they don't have to listen to daddy. Tell them to stop him when he starts in on you and have them tell him you're their mom, and they love you, and nothing will ever change that. They also need to tell him it's not fair for him to say these things to them, and they'd please rather not hear it. Even if your kids are young, they're more savvy than you think, especially in this situation. I know, I was one of them. There is no meaner, more cruel, low down dirty spiteful thing a parent can do when they use the kids as a weapon.
2006-10-17 07:15:48 · answer #3 · answered by Mike 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I've been divorced for 7 years. I still hate him. I will always hate him. I just don't let it take over my life.
He lies to his son all the time. He hasn't seen him in 4 years. Constantly making excuses of why he can't see him. He only lives 45 minutes away.
I never tell my son anything bad about his dad. Hopefully he'll figure it out sooner or later. Hopefully soon.
2006-10-17 08:24:56 · answer #4 · answered by danadeville 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Who cares what they think? Don't you find it sad that they only talk about you. Don't they have anything better to do. You should laugh at comments like that, especially if they say it to you. In a situation like this, you must question how happy they really are? Obviously not too happy. It's one thing if he was the only talking **** about you, but its her too. She's obviously not too secure of herself that she has to put you down. When you see them you should hold your head up high, smile, and make sure you look great. Give them something to really talk about. The fact that you are the light of their day should make you feel great. Let them talk. FYI....If they are better than you, tell them to prove it. As far as your concerned, you can care less about them and even if you had nothing to talk about, they still wouldn't come up. Don't let them see it bothers you.
2006-10-17 07:21:27 · answer #5 · answered by Rica 82 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just relate to your kids that all people are equal, no matter what. Tell them all people are sinners, and dad can look it up in the Bible....(Romans 3:23).... He is trying to get to you. Try not to allow it to bother you, some men are just shallow, and the current wife needs to keep her mouth shut in areas about you. Hang in there honey, it does get better.
2006-10-17 06:26:46 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
i know how you feel i have two kids with the same man he has custody of one and i have the other because i was pregnant when we split he tells our daughter horrible things about me and then denies our son is his and tells all his children that my son isnt thier brother the hate never goes away when you are dealing with a control freak tell him if he wants to continue to see the kids he needs to quit talking crap about u just because he pays child support doesnt mean he has the right to see his children the best way to deal with the kids is tell them that everyone has an opinion and opininons are like assholes everyones got one just because one can speak doesnt make him intelligent
2006-10-17 06:30:39 · answer #7 · answered by kissfan1979 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Whatever you do -- do NOT stoop to his level and make these kinds of abusive remarks about his lifestyle in front of the children.
IF this continues -- then you need to reflect whether it would be worth your time and resources to pursue going back to court to restrict his visitations.
Children know -- believe me, they know that one or the other parent is a problem -- and take that burden on themselves.
2006-10-17 07:10:51 · answer #8 · answered by sglmom 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't stoop to his level, what ever you do.
You know your kids deserve better. Just remind them mommy and daddy think differant. Neither is ALL right or ALL wrong, Just differant.
Don't put the kids in the position to defend their parent. That is really not fair to them. They love you both.
2006-10-17 06:22:46 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
i can hate with best of them-trust me-kinda similiar deal here-but one day i realized why waste that much energy-and was like it all went away-and i started dating and smiling again. As for sons, you have to stop-no scripture to quote-but they pick up on that trust me. Let it go and smile/date/drink/sex/eat/what ever, but gotta move on. Hate isn't fear, think more like Anger, and i can get mad like rest too, but now i just laugh and go on
2006-10-17 07:01:40 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋