Have you got over vaginismus? If so how?

Question

I know Im going to get a few stupid answers about being fridgid etc but this really is a serious problem for both me and my husband.

I always thought that I had a problem that was all in my head, I have never been raped or molested in any way but didnt know why I have the problems with sex or anything to do with down there until my GYN discovered that the muscle that causes the problem by spasming or tightening (beyond my control) was actually far too tight - I have had it stretched a couple of times but it doesnt help. I cant use lubricants as they tend to burn me (must be allergic to them)

I have tried dildos but even they burn me - I would be perfectly happy if there were no such thing as sex but this doesnt help my husband and our relationship - when I do allow him to have sex with me I feel a lot of pain and I resent him - it feels like im giving him permission to rape me (I know that sounds silly but people who are or have been in my situation will understand)

Answer 1

I would say keep trying - get a second opinion from another gyn or find therapy also ---
so often us ladies are stressed about sex and our bodies, especially anything relating to our vaginal area (if penetration is such a problem --- how about doing foreplay? oral sex might be a good for you first).... and the muscles in the pelvic area aren't relaxed and if more stress is added they tightening even more... when you quit attempting sex do you feel relaxed inwardly, do your thoughts seem calmer when all attempts of intimacy are gone? Make a list of how you feel when you aren't in an intimate situation with your spouse and then make a list of how you feel when you are out having a good time -- such as getting your hair done or nails done - try to track your stress levels ... be honest with yourself. And keep seeking help for your problem.

Answer 2

I had vaginismus for 4 years. I never had used tampons and thought I would after I got married. I was just always too scared to put anything up there. After our wedding, it was obvious something was very wrong. Over years of trying to find a cure there were a few things that really helped me. One was to become comfortable with my own body and "up there". I started by inserting my own finger. It was so scared but I did it. After that, I started using tampons. I purchased the smallest and most "slippery" one I could find. The Sport ones worked the best for me. I talked to a specialist in Mass. about getting the botox procedure and he said something that really resonated with me, he said "If I had the power to cause the vag, I had the power to cure it." Him saying this to me made something "click" inside. Your mind is causing the spasms! I wasn't a victim of vag. I had created it, from fear, over the years. I had never been raped or abused. I was just scared. The mind is very powerful. If you don't believe it, read some studies on placebos. After doing some EFT (like acupuncture for the emotions) and practicing slow intercourse with my husband, I was finally able to get over vag! I couldn't believe it. I was still in disbelief for a long time that I had actually gotten over it. I identified with a woman that "couldn't have sex" for so long that it was hard to be the woman that could. Every woman can do the same. Many times the path is different than mine. You have to find what empowers you and helps you to get over the victim mentality. Yes, it hurts. It hurts a lot. My vag was so bad that it felt like a knife trying to twist inside me. I don't feel that anymore. I can only attribute it to small steps toward sex and my mind changing about it. The therapist helping me with EFT also told me something. She said: "Recognize when you feel negative about sex, men, intimacy, etc." "Forgive yourself for feeling this way" "Then replace the negative thought with the one you want to be true." I did this every day and couldn't believe how much I negatively thought about sex, even though I wanted it so much. You can have sex. It might be uncomfortable for a while but you can do it and it will get better. Change your thinking. The mind is your miracle cure.

Answer 3

sounds to me like you'r tensing up. try and relaxe. but some people just don't like/need sex and thats ok. but i wouldn't give up yet. and think more positive. if all your thinking is hes raping me your not gonna feel better. and don't feel forced into sex if he really can't accept it forget him.

Answer 4

let him go down on you b4 you have intercourse if you are allergic to lubricant!