am I over reacting ?

Question

Im married and share a child with this man of 10 years .. I have always accepted him as he was ..Through out our marriage he has changed - I was 1st girl he had ever been with he was in love with me the person I was at the time - well through out the years I have gained some weight that was a problam for him so ok im busting my *** to lose it and I am .. now he is just trying to change me all the way around .. he is trying to make me into someone im not ..I feel he is being a jerk I feel so disrespected I have fought so hard to keep our marriage together and im not sure why cuz I dont think ill ever be good enough for him - is he always gonna want to change something about me ?? he now wants me to cut my long curly hair ..straiten it and die it blonde ..among other stuff id rather not say LOL He is trying to change me into something im not .. the weight i understood but everything else it just seems to much - am i thinking to much into it

should I change my whole apperance ?? He has changed himself through out the years and I dont care and still dont I mean has gained alot of weight and stuff himself but It dont bother me .. should I stop trying and just accept im not gonna ever be what he wants or should I keep trying .. he says things sometimes and I think he wants out of this marriage ..im ok with that if thats what he wants i mean I just want hm to be happy ill respect that if he wants it ..im confused he says IM HIS !! AND HE SAID HE IS A GREeDY SELFISH PIECE OF **** ?? I just feel hurt and confused I am so confused .. it bothers me that he is trying to make me be sumone im not .. I just feel so fake .. so anyways whats ur insight on this ? and yes im prepared for all ur ********* so bring it guys !!! I can handle it . and i really appreciate any sincere answeres i get..

Answer 1

RUN!!!!

You should be loved for who you are...not just if you stay the same weight or anything!!!!!! If this man was truly in love with you then he would love the person that you are...regardless of an extra twenty pounds or whatever. You should never change yourself for someone!!!!

I'm so sorry. I can't imagine going through this, never feeling good enough for the person that you love. You ARE good enough though, and I think its time that you find someone to appreciate what a beautiful person you are.....just as you are now!!

Answer 2

One thing I have learned is that people change. It's inevitable. Life's events affect you, your priorities change, and pretty soon you're not the oblivious lovestruck teenager you once were. You have kids, maybe gain a little weight, get older, etc, etc , it happens to everyone. A good partner will still accept you for who you are, what you have become together. I'm guessing he's not without his faults either. To try to change you against your will will cause exactly what you're experiencing. You're not wrong to feel disrespected. He should know that no one changes unless they want to. If you want to change for him, great. To be forced into it will leave you feeling hurt and abused. I'm guessing he's had issues all along, but thought you'd change over time. Many people enter a relationship thinking like this, and it's wrong thinking. You have to love and accept that person for who they are. It's not fair for him to force this on you. I hesitate to tell you what to do, but it seems you need to stand up for yourself a little here. You can't change who you are. You can tweak looks and appearances, but you are what you have become. On the other hand, a wise woman once told me every successful marriage has one person in it who's always willing to give. I guess a good lover would do that. I also sense that things might have grown a little stale between you two. Show him some change in a good way, something you'd enjoy too that might "spice things up" a little. Rock his world, he might rock yours back! Remind him you need to put each other first in your lives. Do not allow yourselves to slowly drift apart. Without each other, you have nothing. Or, taking it to the other exterme, you can decide to live your own life and find happiness elsewhere. The choice here, the changes, are totally up to you.

Answer 3

Are you looking for someone to tell you it's o.k. to divorce him? The first and foremost thought on your mind should be the future of your child. Will you meet someone that may abuse your child? In most divorces one parent goes psycho and tries to turn the child against the other parent. The child goes through guilt and the other parent doesn't care about anything but their own feelings. The child suffers for years. If I had it to do over again, I would have just divorced my exwife and not gotten involved with someone else. Think about your child first. Think about all the stuff that could happen if you got divorced. Read some of your old answers. You sound like an intelligent person. Do what's right for your child first. Is no one above thinking of the children that are involved in these situations? No wonder kids are so screwed up these days.

Answer 4

All I can say is that you are never ever going to be truley happy in your marriage being... or changing yourself...to something you are not. Who cares about the weight! If you love yourself and feel happy about who you are as a person... that is what matters. Keep your long curly hair! Wow, your so lucky. You gotta find peace in your heart with who you are and how you look... the rest will fall in place.You gotta be "good enough" for you... that is where your real happiness will come. Now the rude part- I think he sounds like an idiot... My husband hasn't asked me to change ... and I have gained some weight since, we have been together... but, boy so has he! (I know it sounds so mean but, I poke at his belly and giggle n stuff) to remind him... he's not all that either... lol... Good luck sweetie.

Answer 5

This is a tough question. He sounds like he is becoming controlling, or am I just reading that into your question.

Personally, I believe that if he loves you, you should not have to 'change' anything to please him. I understand that you state that he has changed, the question was it for the better? If not, well then, re-evaluate your position, there is a storm on the horizon.

In my first marriage, after he put the ring on my finger, I became his. Well put an orange jumpsuit on me and call me done, I was out of there and fast. The divorce was simple, just give me my freedom, I do not want anything else.

What ever you decide, be strong and get a good support team in place for your self.

Answer 6

Well, good for you for losing the weight! - you are doing that for you. You sound comitted but in a non-comitted way, by saying "I have always accepted him as he was" and in your next parapraph saying that you're ready to leave. Honestly, I do think you are looking into this too deeply. At 10 years, don't give up on YOU and do not give up on your marriage. He is having a bit of fun, unfortunately at your expense. Can you "dish" some fun back? It really is ALOT of give and take, biting your tongue and finding fun. Don't change a single thing about you for anyone but you. As for the marriage, I hope that you can still find a way to accept him as he is, so that you are able to look forward to another 10+ years of being silly. Good Luck!
PS ... I JUST noticed that us folks who tell you NOT to divorce get a thumbs down. Unless you are quite literally being physically abused, your child is in danger, Divorce should never be an "Option". Marriage really is for better and worse.

Answer 7

Hello there.


Respect.

Never be with someone who does not respect you, this could lead to many abusive relationships.

Never change because someone wants you to look different, this is very silly, be yourself and let others respect you for who you are. If they don't like what they see, then tell them to stop looking :)

Don't change yourself, he is giving signs that the relationship is on the rocks, he is saying that you dont look pretty enough for him, he is being very shallow and selfish, i suggest you try to work with him and if he dont agree to act better i suggest moving on, you can do better hun, someone who loves you for you, not for your appeareance

1. Tell him how you feel about him wanting to change you
2. Make sure he knows you are trying to lose some weight
3. Tell him he needs to respect you, because you respect him
4. Ask him how he feels about this
5. Tell him, your still young and you can find someone who will appreciate you for who you are.


Best of luck! Don't change who you are!

Answer 8

the only person u should change for is yourself if he is that superficail and has such an issue with u git rid of him hes prolly goin out on the sly on ya u say hes also gained weight well tell him to go on a feakin diet too then but honestly the best thing to do is take the kids and run

Answer 9

relax and calm down. don't take this so sensitive like that. NO! don't get divorce. you both still love each other and will remain with each other with your kids.

why do you think of it as "he is trying to make something i am not". and not thinking of it as "let's spice our marriage life a little with little bit of change". use politician with him, so what if you change your hair color or whatever, it dosen't have to be blondi but some high light here and there. don't take it too personally, the man still loves you and he wants you. but maybe he wants to see some changes. so go with the float and see if this change will be good for both of you or no.

also if you are concern about something he may change, ask him to change it as well. it's ok for little change between husband and wife. dont listen to those guys who telling you "get divorce". divorce become like a piece of cake now a day.

Answer 10

It sounds like he is going through some mid-life crisis and he has this fantasy of the way he wants you to look. He married you for better or worse. He needs to take you the way you are. I do not know what is wrong with men these days. They are like little boys that say I want this and I want that. They need to grow up and except us the way God made us to be. I would let his butt go. Their are men out there that will treat you the way you want to be treated.