My boyfriend of 3 yrs. knows my deepest darkest secrets. I fell in love with him because he was my best friend .We shared everything. I had never been in love before, and I am 44. Here's the question....due to circumstances beyond our control....long story .....my ex and child custody....etc.... We had to break up.
Now he threatens me ...that he will tell my family that my Dad sexually molested me for ten years...no one knows this but my ex, my sister, and him. What do I do? He says if I don't come back to him, he will write my Mom, who is 74, a letter by email and tell her the truth. I never told my mother because she had enough pain in her life due to my father's alcoholism and all. Why would he do this? Do you think he will? Should I wait and see? Should I tell my Mom first? My Dad is 78 now and on a feeding tube. He had cancer and radiation and all the rest. I don't know what my parents will do...it could cause them a heartattack or something. I don't condone it.
2006-10-17 05:58:31 · 15 answers · asked by lucy p 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
By no means! I dealt with it as a child and buried it down deep. It started to bother me at 29 and I told my sister/husband. They never told anyone. So WHY would he threaten me with this? Desperate? I am afraid everyday that he will email my parents. Then my 3 kids will know. And I don't want them to have bad memories of their grandfather right before he passes, if he does. Am I paranoid? Is he bluffing? What do I do? He is so angry right now that I had to choose my l2 yr. old daughter over him because of child custody stuff...but it is only temporary. I tried to explain we can get back together when all the court papers are signed. He can't live with me now. Help
2006-10-17 06:01:38 · update #1
I love him. I really do. I think he is just insecure and afraid of losing me. He said if he had to hurt, so should other people. My mother has never met him. We live five hundred miles away from them. I live in another state with my daughter for now. We have been here 3 months. And he thinks that is too long to be apart.
2006-10-17 06:05:16 · update #2
my mother is a retired school teacher so she does know alot about the computer. She still has her right mind. She is in good shape except for rhuematoid arithritis. My Dad has his mind also and gets around pretty good..he drives.
2006-10-17 06:15:21 · update #3
Clearly he doesnt really love you. Or he would understand and wait. Like you said he obviously is insecure, yet that is no reason to behave as he is.
Dont go back to him, if you do he will always be blackmailing you with this subject knowing it to be your weakness.
I cant see that he will write the letter, does he even have your mums address?
If he does you will be able to deal with it, either say the truth or lie tell your family he is a nutter and that is why he has done this and youre staying away.
You are a strong woman clearly and he is very jealous of that, dont give in if not for you for your childrens sake.
2006-10-17 06:12:51 · answer #1 · answered by mrsflax81 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
honey why would you want someone like him, he is worst then your father . that's not love using your most inner most hurtful secret against you. why would you even want to consider the non friendship because a real best friend under no circumstances would do that to a friend. look you should have been told on your dad , but you decided to hide the truth and i pray you found your peace and I'm sure you felt comfortable telling your so called best friend ( and believe me he's not ) and for him to use this most trying experience in your life to hold you to him is just nasty plain nasty and if he could not understand your daughter comes first then he is really just out for him self and honey you of all people do not need that so you should tell your family because you don't want it coming from him and please cut that loser and i mean loser to the curb he is a monster and you should not even want to be any where near him stay gone and never come back if you love your daughter then you would stay away what would he tell your daughter about you when he gets mad you don't want to know so keep it moving and leave him alone lol and good luck
2006-10-17 06:24:56 · answer #2 · answered by sexyswells42 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
DON'T YOU DARE KEEP THIS CREEP!!! He is showing you his true colors now. Can you talk to your mother? I'm hoping you have or are dealing with the pain from years ago. Let your mother know that you are doing so and that it isn't her fault. Sometimes the other parent will feel guilty for not "protecting" the child from it. Also the fact that this man is upset for you choosing your child over him shows that he isn't the one for you. No man should come between a mother and her kids. OMFG! Give me his address. I'll beat the crap outta him.
P.S. You love him?!?! Get over him girl. Your child is more important than any man. If he was half the man he should be, he would accept things and be patient.
Sorry, these things get me going. Men like that piss me the hell off.
2006-10-17 06:08:37 · answer #3 · answered by ♫ Insane_Princess ♪ 5 · 3⤊ 0⤋
People say and do many things out of anger. The only thing I can tell you is to take it one day at a time. That is black mail. If it is not a lie than tell him to do what you got to do. Do not raise your temper in front of him because that is what he wants you do. He feels that he has an advantage over you if he knows what pushes your buttons and what you are afraid of. Be as calm as possible in front of him. Next time he threatens you say okay calm me when you get through emailing her.(In a calm voice.) The most important thing when going through difficult situations is never letting the other person see you sweat! Sometimes you have to deal with things eventually sooner or later. If your mom finds out tell her you are at peace. Maybe his punishment is being on a feeding tube and going through cancer. Tell her the only thing we can do is take good care of him in the end of his days. Remember that good deeds go unnoticed.
2006-10-17 06:17:59 · answer #4 · answered by Still_21_nheart 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
He has an unhealthy thing for you and you should stay far away from him... and as for him telling your mom about your dad? Don't beg him not to or anything like that... if he tells, he tells and you have to deal with it. I'm not trying to sound like an ***, but you told him and now you have to deal with it. Like an adult would, which means not giving in to his silly demands-- and maybe using it to "out" your life long secret. Now, if it's really a threat to your mom's life (if it REALLY is) then maybe you should tell her first... begin by telling her that you are ALRIGHT and that it's something that you have conquered! Tell her that it's something that you don't want your children to know and maybe you and her can talk about it in a healing kind of way. Think about this... he's a monster and I can't believe he is using your worst secret against you! Remember that! People who love you DON'T do this!
2006-10-17 06:19:17 · answer #5 · answered by liverlips86 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is an extremley difficult situation, and must be considered with care. All I hear is how it will concern everyone esle if this man opens his mouth, but I hear nothing concerning your feellings. First of all a man that would do something so horrible like that does not deserve your time, and is definitely someone who wishes to control you, rather than love you. Second you are doing no one a favore by enabeling and idea to your loved ones of who your father was. The truth, although can be incredibly painful allows us to grow through that pain. Shielding your mother only puts the responsibility on you. You are not the parent, they are. As far as your children goes, thats a difficult one, but may I ask how is it knowing what he did to you, that you would even allow your father to know your children. It sounds to me that although this guy is taking action in a spiteful way, he is the catalyst, the opposing force that comes into our lives and breaks the glass of denial for all to see. Dont you realize by not telling your children you have put them in harms way. I know it is something you do not want to face, but it sounds like Karma, god whatever it is called for you is telling you it is time to end this horrible secret, so that you may grieve for your lost innocence.
My heart goes out to you, and I hope you have the courage to face this, rather than bury it.
I wish you well
2006-10-17 06:14:20 · answer #6 · answered by fryedaddy 3 · 3⤊ 0⤋
First off, if he were remotely adult, he would understand and not complicate your life like that. You might tell him that if he pulls any trick of that sort you are done.PERIOD. This is not the move of a person who cares about you. Why on Earth would he want to hurt your mother like this. I think you should really examine your relationship with this guy. This move is the behavior of a spoiled child. He is going to start running his mouth to your family because you are protecting your custody? He needs to grow up soon. I would NOT stay with this guy. You might point out to him that his truly distasteful side is showing and you are not happy with it. He is grabbing for straws here and does not need to. Unfortunately he grabbed a very short one which shows his hurtful side. Dump Him Quick.
2006-10-17 06:20:20 · answer #7 · answered by Flagger 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Honey, if you love someone you don't threaten them. Move on. If he writes the letter, which he probably won't do, then deal with that at that time. Just tell mom you wanted to spare her the pain and that you have dealt with the issue.... Do not go back to this loser under any circumstances! He is so mean to do this to you when you are dealing with your dad..... I"m sorry honey. I do wish you the very best....
2006-10-17 06:06:07 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
I am really sorry, you seem to be in quite the bind. However, you may not be. Your mother is 74 yrs old, and this man is saying he will write her a letter by e-mail and tell her the truth if you don't come back to him. A fairly simple conclussion. Get your mothers pass word to her e-mail account. Check it a couple times daily and get to the letter before she does. You can also reply to the letter IF or WHEN it even comes. In a manner where he will think that your mother wrote it. Then you can decide if he is *still* the one for you, which I sincerely hope not, any man that acts that way with threats of any sort, has issues.......... MAJOR issues. And are not healthy for you or your children.
As far as telling your Mother, I wouldn't. She is up there in age, your Father is dieing, and you have seem to deal with and get through the trauma of it all.........in your own way, but you did get through. I am really proud of you, that takes one heck of a strong person to get themselves through that.
As far as your children go. They may not need to know that it was your Father who hurt you in that way, but I would let them know that it happen to you, and that you understand the feelings involved in something like that happening. And that if it EVER happen to them, that they can trust you, and they can tell you, and come to you for comfort, understanding and protection. They can come to you for help.......... if and when help is needed. I too was hurt in that way........ and my 3 yr old when she is older, will know, and she will know that it is ok to talk to me, to tell me, that I will not judge her or place blame on her, and that she will be safe and protected by me. She will know that I will understand, because I was hurt in that way.
I pitty a man that ever hurts my child. I was only a baby, but I am now an adult, and I have more instincts of protecting and sheltering, and doing what it takes, then I ever did as a child. I have more strength and power and muscle now.... and want my child to know, she doesn't ever have to fear idle threats from anyone......... because I will protect her at all costs.
Just words from a mother who was too weak as a child to fight back, and too scared of her mother to tell. Blessed be..........
2006-10-17 06:19:44 · answer #9 · answered by shy&gental 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
If this man that you believe you 'fell in love' with, would do or even attempt to do anything like this, he doesn't love you! And let him know that in no uncertain terms.
If he is threatening you, this IS NOT a man you want to be with. Sounds like he has some very strange tendencies that I for one would not want to be involved with.
This is a form of emotional blackmail! You have enough on your plate without having to contend with this maniac!
Think about it.
2006-10-17 06:11:01 · answer #10 · answered by Katherine 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋