2006-10-17 05:53:18 · 12 answers · asked by SHERINA 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
communication, hard work, commitment, respect, love, laughter, and happiness.
together 12 years, married 10 on saturday.
2006-10-17 06:33:43 · answer #1 · answered by nwnativeprincess 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Gosh, the best thing I've learned is knowing how to fight fairly... all relationships have fights, just learn not to be super mean.
There are some guidelines:
Remain calm. Try not to overreact to difficult situations. By remaining calm it will be more likely that others will consider your viewpoint.
Express feelings in words, not actions. Telling someone directly and honestly how you feel can be a very powerful form of communication. If you start to feel so angry or upset that you feel you may lose control, take a "time out" and do something to help yourself feel steadier - take a walk, do some deep breathing, pet the cat, play with the dog, do the dishes - whatever works for you.
Be specific about what is bothering you. Vague complaints are hard to work on.
Deal with only one issue at a time. Don't introduce other topics until each is fully discussed. This avoids the "kitchen sink" effect where people throw in all their complaints while not allowing anything to be resolved.
No "hitting below the belt." Attacking areas of personal sensitivity creates an atmosphere of distrust, anger, and vulnerability.
Avoid accusations. Accusations will cause others to defend themselves. Instead, talk about how someone's actions made you feel.
Don't generalize. Avoid words like "never" or "always." Such generalizations are usually inaccurate and will heighten tensions.
Avoid "make believe." Exaggerating or inventing a complaint - or your feelings about it - will prevent the real issues from surfacing. Stick with the facts and your honest feelings.
Don't stockpile. Storing up lots of grievances and hurt feelings over time is counterproductive. It's almost impossible to deal with numerous old problems for which interpretations may differ. Try to deal with problems as they arise.
Avoid clamming up. When one person becomes silent and stops responding to the other, frustration and anger can result. Positive results can only be attained with two-way communication.
Establish common ground rules. You may even want to ask your partner-in-conflict to read and discuss this brochure with you. When parties accept positive common ground rules for managing a conflict, resolution becomes much more likely.
Also enjoy the good times, rejoice in each other and be best friends (have inside jokes)... Good luck!
2006-10-17 06:25:49 · answer #2 · answered by dollface 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I was in one of those marriages that no one, not even me, would have thought would have ended in divorce. We were married for twenty years. When we were a family, we did as a family. It was when she went back to work, after my youngest started school, that doing as a family, was not important to her; as much. She spend more time at work and more time with her work friends than with our family, church family and extended family. Her work friends were all divorced and was giving unhealthy marital advice, in my opinion. They were all divorced; how would they know what it took to keep a marriage together, let alone twenty years. She ended up seeing her boss "marriage counselor" and now married to him and had to get married because a baby is on the way. A sad change in our society has occured, less than 50% of the couples that live together, are married. Rely on each other than others may lead to a better marriage to withstand hardships and good times. Good Luck!
2006-10-17 06:25:28 · answer #3 · answered by icemountian8 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I was at a wedding over the weekend and there was a couple that had been married 42 yrs. They told the bride and groom that marriage is hard work but it is worth it. You have to work at it everyday. I will be married 3 yrs tomorrow and that is the biggest thing that I have learned. Communication and Trust are other things.
2006-10-17 07:56:51 · answer #4 · answered by jodym1000 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Divorce is the result, I think you should say marriage is hard! not everyone who gets married and has problems divorces sweetheart.
We didn't know this when we got married, we thought those that did were just irresponsible and selfish and thats why their marriages failed.
But we quickly found out the raw hard way, that is a challenge for everyone and commitment can be the only thing that saves the day.
2006-10-17 08:39:42 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
We never leave an argument unresolved. Married 11 yrs on 10/25 that's as long as my mom and dad before they divorced. They argued all the time, we seldom do.
2006-10-17 06:03:28 · answer #6 · answered by Eye of Innocence 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
When we got married, we passed around a book for people to write advice in. We read it later...the most given piece was "Communication".
My hubby and I have 14 yrs marriage, and we only seem to have troubles when we stop communicating. We've survived car accidents that we should have died in and both suffer from disabilities as a result. Still, we are very happy together!!! :)
2006-10-17 06:02:52 · answer #7 · answered by KoKo 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
My wife is very intelligent and very understanding, thats how! and hopefully she thinks of me in the same way.Well shes still with me!
2006-10-17 06:01:30 · answer #8 · answered by Latin Techie 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
We both understand marriage is HARD WORK! If its not worth fighting for, its not worth having.
2006-10-17 06:00:04 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
marraige is not work, marriage should not have to be made to work, and to get through the hardtimes, well knowing that your partner will be there through it then it does not matter
2006-10-17 06:06:47 · answer #10 · answered by scotch 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋