Me and my husband just had our first baby and he wants to go stay at his friends house for a while and he says he still loves me but isnt happy and wants to find out why. He says that we are going to go on dates ext. like we are taking a step back first I want to know if any one thinks this will work or if this just means it is over. and second he calls me to check on me but doesnt say he loves my anymore should I ask him why or just leave it alown he does say it back if I say it
2006-10-17 05:45:56 · 19 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Lyn I'm so sorry for what you're going through.
I read many of your other threads to get some more insight into your situation. (click on profile)
Honey your husband is cheating with another woman, you know this...you caught him and confronted him. Now he's gone to live with a friend. He's left the marital bedroom, your home and his family. Do you even know who the "friend" he's staying with is really? Is it the woman he was kissing? The same woman he talks to from your home but doesn't want you to hear them?
My advice is for you is to get an attorney and file for divorce, not a separation. In most states, because of your infant, you will have to wait at least a year before divorce is granted. Usually the judge will court order counseling for a period of time, which is what is done with a legal separation. By filing for divorce first you save about a year.
If you own your home do NOT leave for any reason, get a roommate if you need to in order to make ends meet. If you leave the home then you will lose the home in settlement.
FYI, I'm 47 y/o
2006-10-17 06:27:26 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
For your sake it's time to take it at face value. First of all, if he loved you he would be by your side and supporting you no matter what... through the good times and bad. You both I'm sure have went through some changes with just having a baby but that is a wonderful new start to life not an excuse to move in with a freind. I'm sure he is just being selfish because reality is hitting him and he has more responsibility. You need to think of you and that baby. Is it fair that you two have to live with out him while he figures out what he wants??? There is no reason he would have to move out if he just needed to try and figure out things with you two. He could still take you on dates while being apart of your new family. He is just taking an easy step for himself right now because he doesn't want to totally hurt you but I'm sure once you start pulling away, stop saying you love him and stop taking his calls but everyonce and a while, Things will change - watch. Then you will know he doesn't really care or is he just not wanting to have you or let anyone else have you or has he really gotten his head out of his ***? You are a mother now and your first and most important priority is you and your baby, your doing it as a single mother now why not be able to live and make your own decision w/out him hanging over your head when he isn't there to be "DAD". He made the choice to move out now you make the choice what's best for the two of you???
2006-10-17 13:02:02 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just be patient. Having a child is a huge change, and a lifetime of responsibility. Plus dealing with a hormonal pregnant woman is an experience all in itself.
He hasn't walked away from you. He is just clearing his head. Give him that. It is better that it happen this way, and you hope for the best. Than for him to pretend as if everything is great, and be leading a double life. Leading a life that would indicate that he has moved on, and is only lying to you in the fake commitment.
He could have moved out with no intent on seeing you at all. But the fact that he wants to date, and still speaks to you would indicate that there is still a spark there. Maybe somehow it got lost in all of the excitement. He is taking the time to try to find it again. Be patient with him, and yourself.
NO NAGGING! No fighting. Take this time to analyze yourself too. It should be a learning and growing experience for the both of you. It will work out if you both work at it. Put forth the effort and you should see a return.
2006-10-17 12:58:43 · answer #3 · answered by lilac b 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think maybe a baby was too hard on him, maybe also, he feels as if he is not ready to be a father. If I was in this situation, I would let itself work out, It is hard being a single mother, I know. However, let him come back to you and still tell him that you do love him as a reminder. There is nothing wrong with telling someone how you feel. Let him call you, ask him what went wrong, why he left, and why he does not tell you those three words anymore, Communication is the key to solving alot of relationships, but remember, time heals everything. Keep your head head up, things will get better, stay strong. Good Luck - Buenos Surte!
2006-10-17 12:58:02 · answer #4 · answered by unknown 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like he freaked out about being a new dad and having extra resposibilities. It's the classic commitment phobe scenerio. It doesn't sound good, as if a man can't stay around when it matters it's hard to imagine he will later on. If he wants to go off and date other women instead of caring for you and his child it looks like he wants to have his cake and eat it - he's got freedom to do what he wants but knows he's got you and his child back home. I would make it clear to him that this is not on. Have you set a time for the separation to draw a conclusion? If not I suggest you talk to your partner and say that you give him a month to sort his mind out but after that he has to make up his mind either way. Don't let him hum and har about this - tell him your family life is at stake and you need to know what's going to happen for you and your child's sake. Putting this on the line will make him realise he's in danger of losing you and will be forced to make a choice, as he should. Too many men think they can have it all but they can't. Either he comes back as a proper dad and partner or you split up and you both move on. For your sake I hope it's not the latter.
2006-10-17 13:15:08 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
There is definitely something going on with him. You need to find out what is making him unhappy. What does he want that he's not getting? Don't let him forget that you have needs to. Make him be honest with you and be honest with him. I mean, tell him that you can't live your life in limbo and maybe go out with friends sometime. This might make him reallize that you need a life too. This is the point where men often take control of a relationship and women too often let their lives slip into oblivion. Good luck!
2006-10-17 13:04:01 · answer #6 · answered by justaguy 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Personally, I think he is running from his problems. But if you try to make him stay and don't give him the space he supposedly "needs", he is going to be even more unhappy. Maybe he feels neglected because you have the new baby to take care of. I wouldn't like the arrangement he is planning, it isn't what marriage is about. Have you suggested marriage counseling? Seems to me he is copping out of his responsiblities as a father and a husband.
2006-10-17 12:57:26 · answer #7 · answered by kandekizzez 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds to me like he is extremely irresponsible, leaving you with the baby on your own while he "thinks about things" Do you have the time to go out on dates? He needs to grow up, get back home and be a responsible parent.
2006-10-17 12:53:37 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Its not you, its him. You rose to the occasion when you redefined yourself from single girl to the female portion of a married couple. My guess is that he changed from having girl friend that could go out with anyone she wanted, to a girl friend that had to remain exclusive. This means you had to make sacrifices that would be the best for the marriage. He only had to make the sacrifice that did not interfere with his wants.
For what ever reason, you had a child together. You had to rise to the occasion to sacrifice your wants and needs to provide for the child. He failed in this area. He was barely willing to sacrifice for you, in exchange for sexual favors, maid, short order cook, etc.. But now he has to sacrifice for this baby, that does not provide him with any comfort, but responsibility and the kid is competing with him for your time...
Moving away keeps him at a distance from his responsibilities... Dating provides him with the sexual favors,etc.. and your time.
Lust is measured by sex mixed with some passion.
Love is measured by self sacrifice in exchange to make someone else happy.
It is not measured by vocal utterances, even though it would be nice to hear. Empty words of love can be worse than no words at all. Counseling should help resolve the issue, one way or another.
2006-10-17 13:03:14 · answer #9 · answered by Mr Cellophane 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He's probably overwhelmed with the new baby, and doesn't know how to handle. He needs to step up and be a man. The same thing happened to me after I had my boys, It was over.
2006-10-17 12:58:14 · answer #10 · answered by Wendy 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋