Separation Anxiety??

Question

My son is 5 months old and is to the point where if I leave the room he screams til I come back. Even if his dad has him. If he's laying in his gym and I'm in the room if he can't see me he screams. What do I do?? I have to work and every time I leave he screams for hours!

Answer 1

You need to slowly wean him. Tell him, "Mommy will be right back!" and leave the room for 1 minute. You may even want to call out, "Mommy is coming right back". Increase the time gradually so he will eventually realize that even if you leave the room, you will be back.

Answer 2

When my oldest was a baby (she's 13 now) I remember reading somewhere that until about 8 months or so, babies can't see mommy as a person seperate from themselves. He probably still thinks of the two of you as the same person. When you're out of sight, (if this theory is correct on any level) he's missing a big chunk of himself. I'm very fortunate to be a stay at home mom, so I just brought my babies from room to room with me. It's called attachment parenting, but obviously doesn't work for everyone. You got some good suggestions about leaving the room for varying times, and calling to him from out of his sight.
But try bringing him into the kitchen or bathroom with you once in a while so he can see where you go and what you do in there.

Peek-a-boo is a great game for teaching babies that even though they can't see you for a moment doesn't mean you're gone forever. Playing from the next room might help to ease his anxiety.

Maybe when you have to go to work, his dad can take him out for a walk or a short drive before you go. If he enjoys the stroller or the car, that could be a great distraction. When they return, you'll already have left and he might not be upset since he didn't see you go. The poor little guy just wants his mommy. Be patient with him. In a few months he'll be crawling and moving around more and better equipped to keep himself occupied. In a way I kind of envy you. My two oldest kids are nearing the age where they don't even want their friends to know they have a mother! Good luck!

Answer 3

There are a number of strategies you can use to help ease your child (and yourself) through this difficult period.

Timing is everything. Try not to start day care or child care with an unfamiliar person between the ages of 8 months and 1 year, when separation anxiety is first likely to present itself. Also, try not to leave your child when he or she is likely to be tired, hungry, or restless. If at all possible, schedule your departures for after naps and mealtimes.

Practice. Practice being apart from each other, and introduce new people and places gradually. If you're planning to leave your child with a relative or a new babysitter, then invite that person over in advance so they can spend time together while you're in the room. If your child is starting at a new day care center or preschool, make a few visits there together before a full-time schedule begins. Practice leaving your child with a caregiver for short periods of time so that he or she can get used to being away from you.

Be calm and consistent. Create a goodbye ritual during which you say a pleasant, loving, and firm goodbye. Stay calm and show confidence in your child. Reassure him or her that you'll be back - and explain how long it will be until you return using concepts your child will understand (such as after lunch) because your child can't yet understand time. Give him or her your full attention when you say goodbye, and when you say you're leaving, mean it; coming back will only make things worse.

Follow through on promises. It's important to make sure that you return when you have promised to return. This is critical, and there can be no exceptions. This is the only way your child will develop the confidence that he or she can make it through this time.

Answer 4

Instead of leaving him for hours, try only little bits at a time.

It can start with just leaving the room and letting him know that you are coming right back. Maybe if you make it a game, it'll be a little easier. I don't recall at what age babies realize that something is still there, even when they don't see it? But, if you show him something and then hide it under the blanket - then pop it back out again, it's sure to be fun. Then, try it with yourself under the blanket -- then try it around the corner.

When you are actually leaving - make a point to tell him bye and that mommy will be back in a little bit. Take a 20 minute walk and make a big deal when you return home. Then - make it a little longer.

All babies (that I've ever been in contact with) go through separation anxiety at some point - although it's usually when they are older - , it's just part of the growing up process and will only last for a time.

Good luck & Happy Parenting!
Sarah

Answer 5

I have a 29 month old and a 17 month old, I have never had a problem with this. My sister has a 19 month old and she has major problems with it. My neice screams as soon as she starts to walk away. You really should try to get it under control now so you don't have major problems later...

As a few others stated, you should try to wean him but going out of the room for short periods of time, call to him at first so he can hear you are not far. Reassure him when you leave that you will be back. One method you can use to practice is playing peek a boo or even hiding your face behind a pillow or blanket. Once your son realizes that even though he can't see you you sill reappear, he will be comforted and satisfied that mommy is not gone for good.

Answer 6

I haven't read all the other answers, but you can try playing peek-a-boo. First do it in the room just covering your face with your hands. After some time playing that way, leave the room. Quickly jump back in saying, Peek-a-boo. Slowly lengthen the time you are out of the room before you come back in. Play this game EVERY day and even a couple times a day to get your 5 month old used to you leaving the room. Have daddy play the game, too!

Best of luck to you.

Answer 7

It is very hard to leave your child, much less leave them while they are crying for you. I would suggest talking to him and leave something that smells like you. Maybe a blanket or old nightgown. My son is 4 months old and has not begun this but he has started smiling and jumping when he hears my voice or if I walk up behind him & he smells me he wil do it too. Does anyone help you with him at home? Try leaving him for an hour at a time. Each time you come back let him know you are back. My first son was like this & still is. He cries 2 days a week when I leave him at dayschool but the other 3 he is fine (he is 3 yrs old). Good luck.

Answer 8

You know what, I used to feel the same way you did about leaving a room. My twins would cry at 5 months too. Well, even at 11.5 months they still get seperation anxiety. One more than the other. But it ebbs and flows with my twins.

I do play this DVD series for my twins which they love called Praise Baby Collection. With this DVD series, they are not per se being taught a specific thing. Instead,they are listening to songs, shown colors, shown other babies and children, shown landscapes and objects.

The DVD series is good for 0-36 months.

And, I know it is hard to leave the room, but this is the way I see it, we have things to do as Mommies besides being by our babies side 24/7. It is just something they have to get accustomed to.

Oh, and I am a SAHM.

Hope this helps you..

Answer 9

My son did the same thing. The NICU at the hospital where he was born had to clean out a separate room for him because he was disturbing the vital signs of the other infants. He also would only doze if he laid on my chest. He got up 8 to 11 times per night. He wouldn't go in a stroller or anything that distanced himself from me. He had to be on me and would not go anywhere in a room without me.

People will tell you that these children will stop crying a few minutes after they adjust to your absence, but this was not true in my case. He would cry the entire time.

I set up a home business.

He was willing to be placed in a backpack which helped a bit. There were only a few things that calmed him, running the microwave, running the motor of a car and placing him in a motorized swing. These only worked temporarily.

I've met several moms in the same situation and they basically ended up switching daycare providers on a monthly basis.

There aren't many choices. It might be risky to provide your daycare worker with earplugs or to hire a deaf nanny, but at least they would last more than a month.

Answer 10

Grit your teeth and bear it. He obviously feels a stronger connection to you then your husband. Your husband needs to try and spend more time with him while your around. Don't make a big deal about it, as it will only make it worse. Kiss him goodbye and leave, don't delay in your leaving as this will only confuse him. When you are there and he starts screaming because he can't see you, just talk to him, but don't pick him up right away. Get down to his level on the floor and just talk to him. It will pass, he just hasn't figured it out yet that when you leave you come back, he will and he will start to calm down more often when you leave, but don't expect miracles, as my son is 16 months old and still from time to time cries when I leave. My daughter on the other hand didn't care when I left, as long as she knew someone else was there that she was use to being around.

Answer 11

Don't stop whatever you do. My daughter did this for a while as well. She is 3 now. I think this is something that every child goes through-depending on their age. It's seperation anxiety.
Let your child know that you will be back. If he starts to cry when you leave a room, peek your head around a corner and play peek-a-boo with him, or let him hear your voice. But when you are gone? let your husband deal wit the situation...that's what he is there for.
Try getting some new toys that will entertain him..blocks, books, something that makes noise..or maybe that you can record your voice on?? Good luck!! I know it's hard!!