what should i do?????

Question

when i first met my husband i was a model and he appealed to me for the pure fact that he seen past my looks into my heart my familly hated the idea of us being together they said i was to pretty for him and that i could do better of course i married him anyway and nw i stay at home because he makes enough money and i feel like he dont see me anymore i try all the time to make myself sexier but he seems to care less and he want let me go back to work he says he loves me more at home HELP i feel trapped because i know theres someone who would appreciate me im only 20 and im in way over my head im scared

Answer 1

You are what is called a "trophy wife"
Have you thought of going back to school? You'll have something to do and be bettering yourself...if he is against schooling get out of the marriage, because then you know for sure he is controlling you.

Answer 2

Oh, man. I know how it goes. I used to be a model myself. I'm a few years older than you, and have lost my figure I had when I was your age, I have my two babies, and I know that did it. Marriage is a compromise. I know how bad it is to feel trapped, I've been there. My first suggestion is look in your own heart. Why did you marry him? Did you honestly love him? Secondly, talk to him. I don't mean every day talk. I mean, like once a week or so, sit down, talk about what matters. What's going right, what's going wrong. Try to find councelling as well. Before you blow this off, I've been there. I am a divorced mother of two. Communication is tops. Now, I'm back with my ex-husband, and planning on suprising him on the tenth anniversary from the day we met. We sit down, have a real conversation once a week or so. I ask what I can do to make him happier. I let him know how I feel. He doens't care I'm no longer a lingerie model. He loves me for who I am. Pretty doesn't matter in the long run. Communication, Education, Respect, Trust are what matters. You don't know that there's someone else who would appreciate you more. I thought there was. Every time, I got left. My ex has stuck by my side through everything. This is why in 2 months, I'm going to do it. I already know his answer. I just want the right timing. Good luck!

Answer 3

I suggest you talk honestly with your family and devise a plan to get away from this guy. You said you are scared--lean on those who you know have your best interest at heart. This little 'question & answer' thing on the 'net is just cool--but don't rely on the responses you receive. You're 20 yrs. old and have a lot of living to do. Your family will look past your mistakes and help you. I recommend that you go back to school and figure out from there what you want to do with the rest of your life. No one wants to feel like they're being controlled by someone else. He should have enough faith in you to trust you'll make the right decisions--not dictate terms to you. How old is this guy anyway and how long did you know him before you go married? The way you explain your situation makes it sounds like he has some advantage...age wise, economically, something. I can't believe a 20 year old woman in the calendar year 2006 doesn't realize she has many, many, options. A counselor might be helpful (especially if you don't have family close by that could assist) and you could arrange an appt. at a local counseling center without him being aware. Good luck & get out.

Answer 4

I know all too well how it feels to be the "maid" I am a stay at home mom and sometimes I feel all I am here for is to cook and clean. I don't think your husband has a right to keep you in the house but I wouldn't tell you to get a job behind his back. Have you told him that you have cabin fever? Talk to him about everything. He probably does appreciate you but has gotten used to the routine so isn't excited about things like he used to be. Tell him you're happy that he loves you at home but you would love him more and be happier if you could work. Switch it around on him. Or do what I did once and go on strike. I got what I needed in 3 days. They will eventually not want to come home to no food and a messy home. You can get what you need in no time, just figure out what his pet peeves are and use it. I know it sounds mean but use it only as a last resort.

Answer 5

You feel trapped? Hell, I am 20 also, I have been married 2 years, have a 2 year old little boy, and am a stay at home mom. I loved working, but i love staying home. You should probably speak to your husband about this. If you want to go to work, he should let you. It is not all his choice. Some men don't care about sexy clothing or underwear, and I am sure that he does see you. All marriages get like this, he is probably just set in his ways. Is he older than you by more than 5 years? If so, that is also a part of it, the older they are the more set in their ways they are. My husband is 19 years older than me, so I know about this. If you feel way over your head NOW, wait till you have children. I don't think you were ready for marriage at all. BUT you are married, you should try to make it work. Communication is the key. Talk to your husband. Cook him a nice dinner, and talk to him at the dinner table. Good luck.

Answer 6

First you need to love yourself! No man can do that for you. Secondly I don't know your whole situation, you made a commitment to spend the rest of your life with this person and unless he's doing something horribly worng you should try to honor it and find a way that you are both happy.

He probably does enjoy taking care of you and not needing you to work. What is going to get his attention is how appreciative you are to him. Having dinner ready and telling him that you see how much he does for you. Most guys in my experience don't always show us how they really feel... they think working a lot is showing us that they love you, or taking out the trash... I reccomend reading the book the 5 love languages. It's a great eye opener.

If you are bored look into getting a stay at home job... I work with arbonne international and it doesn't keep me away from my husband, I get to get out of the house and feel important AND successful.

www.internalbeauty.myarbonne.com

You are very young and may be in over your head but is your relationship with you trying to find a way to make it work or are you ready to give up?

Answer 7

Hello, I have read your question , and I have to say one thing to you, your only 20 years old life is just starting for you, if your man doesnt respect the fact that you want to go back to work then he doesnt care about you, a partner should respect anything the other one love;s or like's. he wants you to stay at home cause he is afraight that there is someone out there that might can give you more , or a better life, and the fact that you are very pretty , he doesnt want to let you go, he has what he wants , a beautyful Barnie doll he can play with when he wants to. You need to start liveing get out while you can and enjoy life like you should. Good luck.

Answer 8

OK you are 20 and obviously very attractive. Where do you see your life going now? Is starting a family an option for you? You sound as if you are genuinely in love with your husband but he is not reciprocating that love. You need to talk this out with him. Maybe seeking advice on how to do this confidentially with a counsellor could help you. You are very young, you have your whole life ahead of you but be careful not to waste precious time you have. Tackle this problem to find out if you should be in this marriage or if you should seek out something else with your life. Why not try to be supportive towards your husband instead of "sexier" as you put it. He may not be looking for a scantily clad wife at the moment and needs someone to listen to him.

You could of course be a "trophy wife", sorry to say. In which case I would suggest your husband has other issues. All the very best to you.

Answer 9

Well, first off, while he can express his preference for you to stay home, and provide an opportunity to do so - he can't forbid you from getting a job. Express to him that it would be a much happier and healthier solution for you to go back to work. There's absolutely no reason for you to stay home if you want to work; the main reason would be for the kids, but it doesn't sound like you guys have kids. There are numerous other things one can do besides work that can bring fulfillment and happiness; various hobbies, involvement in organizations, volunteer work, sports, getting an education - all these things you can take advantage of. Perhaps, the thing to do would be to figure out what you want to do long term, and go to school - especially if you don't have financial obstacles to doing so. When you're out busy doing things, it will make you feel better about yourself, more confident - and I think this will make him "notice" you.

Answer 10

I think that you are just too conscious of your looks and a little vain as well. Don't try to fool yourself thinking that your hubby fell for you because you had a heart of gold and your looks didn't matter to him. It is looks always, which attract first. You haven't gotten over the idea of utilising your looks for income. Some households/husbands are a bit conservative and are not comfortable with the idea of their bahu working, specially in professions like modelling, acting etc. which allow opportunities for a fair amount of promiscuity. You have the option to leave your husband, if he disapproves highly and you are mighty ambitious and confident of making it big in your chosen profession. Or perish the idea and take comfort in the security of your husband's income, which must be substantial enough to take care of you very well. In this case remember, looks don't last forever and the security of your husband will last a lifetime. Think coolly and decide. No room for scares here. And while being confident about your good looks isn't bad, it would do you well to shed some of your vanity.

Answer 11

Well, find something to do that will fulfill you other than modeling. It is probably his insecurity that he wants to keep you in the house.

Go take up some interests or hobbies. Go back to college or something. Take up photograpy. Do something that will occupy your time, and give you an interest. You feel smothered because being in the house, you have no life.
I
f he doesn't want you to model.....okay. But it doesn't mean you have to be a prisoner at your address. Find something else to do that will give you a sense of purpose and that you find interesting.

That way, you will have outside interests and not feel that your husband should be your entertainment, or only source of fulfillment. Do this TODAY. Write down ten things that you are REALLY interested in. Then, decide which one you will do.