there is this guy at work that i am SO attracted too. I believe he's attracted to me too, we've actually gone out once, i'm waiting patiently for him to ask me again, nothing sexual happened on our "date", I think we were both nervous because I'm married, and he's about 8yrs younger than i am. Guess my question is, I feel like I have honestly found the one I want to be with, I NEVER had this feeling with my husband, do you all think its a "phase" or am I in need of a divorce?
2006-10-17 04:43:50 · 64 answers · asked by ohsouncertain 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I think you should trust you gut. If you say that you never felt this way with your husband then the feelings might be real.
2006-10-17 04:51:37 · answer #1 · answered by Emily S 2 · 0⤊ 5⤋
You're right, it is a massive crush. My advice is just dont see this guy anymore and stop all contact with him immediately. Once you start going out it becomes an addiction and than a serious affair.
I think you are bored with your marriage or your husband is not fulfilling your needs. Maybe you should start communicatiing and letting him know what you are missing which the other guy is fulfilling.
But at this satge dont tell your husband as you are still not serious with this guy. Your husband will get hurt and suspicious.
Also you are a good judge and know your heart the best. Just try and analyse what it is you want and where you are headed. Till then stop seeing this guy. Tell him you need a break.
I went through a similar experience. I had a crush on my doctor and he also reciprocated my feelings. We have never been out even once because he is also married and moved to another country immediately after. All we share is an efriendship. It has worked out well. But sometimes I do feel pulled in both directions though me and my friend only share a good friendship.
Sometimes I feel like ending it but after 8 years it can be hard. An attachment develops.
So do think about what I said.
2006-10-17 05:12:02 · answer #2 · answered by woman28 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I've actually gone through very similar. It happens and there are times that you're going to be tempted. Just because you're married doesn't mean you're no longer human.
Before you do anything rash, look at your marriage, is there something missing that this new guy is providing for you? Why are you attracted to him? Is this guy worth your marriage?
Those are the questions I had to ask myself. I love my husband and have cut the other guy out of my life. My husband and I have been working on our problems and I think I have made the right choice. Although, honestly, when things get tough, I want to call the other guy, but I don't because I know it would be disasterous. btw- he and I never did anything physical. We just got along on every level. I felt that he understood me better than my husband ever has, but I didn't marry him, I married my husband and made a commitment to him that I take very seriously.
At some point you'll have to make a choice and make sure no matter what you choose, you can live with it.
2006-10-17 05:30:00 · answer #3 · answered by married2004 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
First you need to consider all things, because right now it sounds like you are looking out for self. You need to try to make your marriage work, starting off with communication, and counseling. Trust me there is nothing on the other side of that fence. Your friend at work may seem that he is all that but thats what you see on the surface. The other man is just that the other man not looking for anything but to get what he can get and split. I've been where you are, and its not worth hurting your husband over. If you think that you have done all that you can do and there is no saving your marriage then divorce your husband first, don't have him by the wayside so you can have it both ways. If you want this man then let your husband go. But I bet that friend of yours no matter how sweet he is to you that is all part of the game, which is a lose lose situation. Stay with your husband.
2006-10-17 05:32:59 · answer #4 · answered by khameleon0725 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is the road to disaster. My mother just fell in love with someone at work who is 35 years younger than she is. She left her 4th marriage of 26 years, and changed the lives of 6 kids and 10 grand kids. Your feelings in love will betray you. When you compare someone to your husband, the hot romance will always seem like greener grass. You will even lie to yourself! Turn back now before it goes any further and work on putting the spark back into your marriage. You will be so glad you did, and your husband will be blessed by you instead of getting a lawyer. Also, think back to the time when you went on this "date". Was there an opportunity for you to say no? Did you ever recognize an "out" but felt compelled to go anyway for the thrill? This is temptation at work. It will always take you farther than you wanted to go and keep you there longer than you wanted to stay. Get away from this guy. This is a marriage buster - and no - this is not the time to think of getting divorced. This is a time to evaluate the promises you have made and wether your word means something or not. I wish you clarity and determination to make a wise choice.
2006-10-17 05:23:45 · answer #5 · answered by Heffiner 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
So what is it that this guy gives you that hubby doesnt? This is what you need to figure out before you have an affair. Then you must tell hubby you want a divorce. Since your at fault for the divorce he gets the house the car etcand you pay alimony and child support to him. More than likely once your done the bf will have some annoying habit and you will wish you were with the now ex. The grass is always greener on the other side of the fence. Stay on your own side.
2006-10-17 06:06:23 · answer #6 · answered by fortyninertu 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Back away from him. All this energy you are spewing into this "date" can be redirected into what is real and tangable, you marriage.
You are going thru what alot of people do after being married awhile. You miss the excitemant of the first kiss. The excitemant of a new relationship. What you have at home is dull and mundane. It is up to you to make your home life more exciting. If you don't want to put forth that kind of effort, do your spouse a favor and leave him before you start another relationship.
How would you feel if your husband came home one day and said, I'm leaving, I found someone better than you?
2006-10-17 05:28:20 · answer #7 · answered by Crazymom 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would ask you to consider these questions:
1. What is missing in my marriage?
2. Is it me or is it my husband?
3. What makes me like this guy so much - is it infatuation or is it love.
4. Am I really investing time and effort in my marriage?
5. What are the reasons why I need to spend time with someone else? What factors of my life are unfulfilled?
6. Do I love my husband and why did I marry him?
7. Is my marriage worth saving? Are the problems fixable?
If you end you're marriage, don't do it for another man. It's like having a rebound after a bad relationship.
2006-10-17 05:21:11 · answer #8 · answered by Sasha 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You are suffering from "the grass is greener on the other side" syndrome. You don't know anything in depth about this man except for what he has SAID or what you PERCIEVE.
You are married, and you have an intimate relationship with your husband. You know the good, the bad, and the ugly things about him. So it's NATURAL for this man who has a 'clean slate', who has never hurt or disappointed you to come in from no where and seem like the best thing since buttered toast!
He isn't perfect. Just like your husband isn't perfect. All that you DO know with any certainty is that you are attracted to him. You can't say the same about him to you. You may only be a married piece of tail that he wants to tag. Or just something fun to pass the time with. I really suggest that you not terminate your marriage over a fleeing feeling.
There is obviously something going on, or lacking that you are looking for fulfillment outside of your marriage. I think you should just sit down somewhere by yourself, where it's quiet and figure out what went wrong, what you feel is missing, and how to get it together. It should eventually involve your husband too, if he is in any way responsible for it also.
Don't give up on a commitment that you made to your husband, and that he made to you......over something so superficial. You aren't dead or blind, so it's natural for you to SEE something you like. But making an investment, in time, emotions, etc......is going beyond that. And you know what???? What if you DO get a divorce, and put all your 'eggs in that basket' so to speak, and this guy is an ***? He is a million times WORSE in other ways, and he makes your husband's issues seem TAME?
The grass IS NOT always greener on the other side. It just LOOKS that way, until you get over there......and see all the gopher holes, weeds, and cow manure piles.
Think long and hard about what you are about to do. Once you get that ball rolling........it will be out of your hands. What if you indulge this, and then come to your senses, work things out and want to go to being happily married and in love with hubby again.
ONLY the young guy doesn't want to give it up, and either blackmails you, or in anger of being rejected, tells on you and ruins your marriage, and then you are all alone.
Get to the heart of the problem. Figure it out, and get it together with your husband. You have done ENOUGH.....but you haven't gone so far that you can't find an excuse for it, and recover. Don't go to far. THINK.
2006-10-17 04:58:40 · answer #9 · answered by lilac b 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I get the feeling that committed relationships aren't right for you with anyone. Marriage requires trust and honesty. Who can say that someone even better than this new guy won't come around in a few years, and then you'll want to divorce him. Lying to your husband is not cool. Try being honest for a change. I'm not saying you shouldn't get divorced but before you do you might try telling him what you need out of this life. Who knows maybe he can give it to you.
2006-10-17 05:10:33 · answer #10 · answered by justaguy 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow, thats deep!
Maybe you should see how your co-worker feels about you and the whole situation before you go turning your life up-side down. I'm a believer in patience, but sounds like your thinking about marrying this new guy, and divorcing yuour husband pretty quick... Maybe you oughta just go for the divorce anyway... but don't do it for the next guy... do it foryourself. If you've gone out with this new guy, sounds like you've already fallen out of love with hubby... and if he's been anything good to you, you maybe owe him to tell him your not in love with him anymore! From there whatever happens with the new guy happens, but at least it doesn't weigh so much on your conscious.
2006-10-17 04:56:10 · answer #11 · answered by Kontra~Diction 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋