There is this guy that I work with , he is married (5yrs) and he thinks I am married. He has been very open with me about him and his wife, like he told me that he is not happy with his wife and he told her that he did not want to be married any more. Before that he has asked me to lunch and I went to lunch with him, not thinking anything about it. He has since asked me to go to the movies. As well as asking me to come over and watch the football game at his house, with his wife there. She was out of town last week and he called me 3 nights just cause he was board. That is probably only half of it, until now I have looked at the whole situation as friendly, but now I am not too sure. I am not attracted to him, but I wouldn't mind having him as a friend. Does anyone have any advise, or any idea as to what he is up to??
2006-10-17 04:35:50 · 28 answers · asked by suere21101 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
its obvious what he is up to. why would he bother telling you all the personal stuff about his marriage if he wasn't trying to get with you. i think he wouldn't go out of his way to tell you this stuff if he wan't interested. i would back off. thats gettin yourself into trouble even if you are only wanting friendship. if you were married and your husband seemed to be distant and not into the marriage and you found out he had been hanging out with a woman you never met before wouldn't you get upset? if he's having problems then he needs to talk to his wife and work them out. i would keep it professional. stop hanging out with him. talk shop and nothing else. doesn't matter what excuse he gives you....you need to show some respect. not just for you...but for her as well. weather or not she is there when you visit. you made no mention to her reaction when you were there or if you even went. why would a man invite a woman over when his wife is there? i say he's playing games with his wife and making you a part of it. trying to hurt her on purpose. stay out of his biz with the marriage.
2006-10-17 04:47:59 · answer #1 · answered by Jody SweetG 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No idea for certain what he is up to, but if I were you I would start putting some distance between the two of you. Keep to just a friend co-worker friendship and nothing more.
He could have been very well bored while she was out of town, but since he's asked you to go out to movies and dinner I would decline. It seems to me that he may be seeking more.
I would talk to him. Ask him if his wife knows that the two of you are friends and if she knows about you going out to lunch with him?
He may be trying to find new friends. But I would certainly be honest and let him know your not married. It could upset his wife very much if she knew you were single.
2006-10-17 04:46:36 · answer #2 · answered by Lori D 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He is definitely looking for a relationship and not just a simple friendship. The reason why he told you about the problems between him and his wife. If you are not interested in being more than a friend than you will have to let him know right now otherwise you will be leading him on for nothing. This will cause him to be disappointed and you to get into something you are not very serious about.
Hope it helped.
2006-10-17 04:45:32 · answer #3 · answered by woman28 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
he's probably trying to see how far he can go with you whilst still with his wife. It means, If things don't work out with you he still has his wife to go back to. He wont leave a 5 yr marriage unless he is sure of what he's getting into with you will work.
If you are not attracted to him, you need to find a way to tell him this but point out you don't mind being friends, if that is true. Don't make him push you into something you do not want. It would be a lot easier to tell him now than before it goes to far and he REALLY wants you and you can't get out.
2006-10-17 04:47:46 · answer #4 · answered by Mark C 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should back off everything outside of work. Including lunch breaks. You could also talk about other men in your life or since he thinks your married then talk about how wonderful your husband was to you the night before. When he calls dont answer the phone everytime. When he asks later then let him know that you were busy with your husband.
2006-10-17 04:47:50 · answer #5 · answered by mimi 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Initially, he may not have had anything in mind - but i honestly don't believe that. I mean, piece together the facts: his marriage seems to be on the rocks, he tells you all these problems - just so you know, maybe - , and he's always trying to get to that place where he can hang out with you..alone. if he isn't grooming you for something then I don't know. I mean, he may not have any intentions, but his actions state otherwise. why pay all these attention to you, is the bottomline. what he is up to is pretty obvious. what I would do if I were in your position is to confide in a trusted friend. a lot of times, it keeps most things from getting too far and it gives you another set of perspective too.
2006-10-17 04:45:31 · answer #6 · answered by Nadz U 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I would ask him what he has in mind with this relationship. I wouldn't doubt that he will lie to you and tell you that he just wants to be friends with you and there is nothing more to it. He probable is trying to lure you in to his life. But you would have to judge that for yourself. To me it sounds like he wants to get you in bed with him (especially if he calls you at night 3 times when his wife is out of town). Regardless if you like this man or not or even if you want to help him get to were he needs to be by being friends with him. I would definitely stay away from him. Maybe let him know what you believe is going on and you do not agree with it (that is if you don't agree with this situation). And then brake of the relationship and don't even try to be friends with him he is not good news for you at all. I hope every thing works out for you and him.
2006-10-17 05:17:16 · answer #7 · answered by Cathy C 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You're a smart woman otherwise you wouldn't be asking this question.
1. He's probably lying about not happy with wife #1
2. He ain't calling because he's bored
3. He's working on installing gf #1
4. If you don't mind being gf with benefits, then all is well
2006-10-17 04:46:42 · answer #8 · answered by snvffy 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
yes it sounds like he has a thing for you. Either he wants to leave his wife and have something with you or he is just trying to have an affair. Either way I would tell him that he may have the wrong impression and that you are very much in love with someone else and you are not interested in him, but you think that he is a great friend that you would like to have around.
2006-10-17 04:46:25 · answer #9 · answered by ? 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think he may be grooming you for a romance.
If all you want from him is friendship, then spell it out for him in clear detail. Most guys don't understand the female language of "Hint & Suggest" We need everything a woman says to be layed out in very understandable terms.
If he's a typical guy then you won't hear from him nearly as much once you lay all of your cards on the table.
2006-10-17 04:48:45 · answer #10 · answered by No More 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋