Okay, so my boyfriend and I have been together for almost 3 years, we are very happy and we have always planned on getting married and having kids. But, having kids is accidentally coming first. I am 8 weeks so far. We are both really happy and I believe we will wait on marriage until after the baby, but that will definitely happen. So, my dilemma is...his parents and my family are strong Catholics and they already don't like the idea that we have been living together for a couple years not married, but now we are going to be bringing a child into the world out of wedlock. I know my mom will be happy but I don't know how everyone else will react so how exactly, and when should I tell them? Should I wait until after the first trimester? And yes, I know that I really shouldn't care, but I do, so there. Oh yah, my mom is coming into town this weekend and is staying with us, I eat ALL the time and it will be very hard to hide.
2006-10-17 04:35:44 · 37 answers · asked by andreagrewe21 1 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Pregnancy
After the baby arrives: You will not have the will or time to plan a wedding.
After the baby arrives: You will not have the money to pay for a wedding.
After the baby arrives: You will be dealing with a mis-shapen body from the extra weight, so you'll want to wait until you get the weight off.
Etc, etc, etc...
If you and your beau are really committed to a life together, and a family ... then there is no reason to wait to get married. A simple, inexpensive ceremony is all that's necessary.
And, it does make a difference!!! Anyone who believes that some little piece of paper doesn't make a difference is misguided. That little piece of paper, the simple words & the symbols actually make a huge difference!!!
Now to your specific question: Before you Mother arrives this weekend, you and your beau should pick a date within the next two months, schedule the J.P. or the minister/rabbi, and have some decisions made regarding a simple ceremony. Then while your Mother is there, tell her the date and the news of your joyous bundle on the way. Let her call your Father, and have your beau call his parents at the same time on his cell phone.
Good luck & wishing you all the best!
P.S. When my spouse & I decided to marry (after many years together) I sent out a lovely poem announcing our Yule nuptuals and two weeks later we were married. No big wedding, just a few friends, some cake, dinner & a toast. It was wonderful. Beautiful and no stress.
2006-10-17 05:10:20 · answer #1 · answered by gemlover 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That is a difficult situation you find yourself in! Of course this is a joyous time for you and you want to share it with your family but it is very understandable your concern knowing their (and your?) religious beliefs.
My biggest concern for you at this point would be - are you committed enough to your boyfriend to go ahead and marry him? If you guys have been together for 3 years and aren't married yet I would have a concern about whether or not you are truly committed enough to each other to bring a baby into the world.
The reason the church believes (as most Christians do) that marriage should come first before children is for the protection of the family. Meaning, if a man is truly committed to creating a new family unit the natural first step would be to marry the woman and make the committment to HER and then take the next step to have a child within that sacred family unit.
If it was me in your shoes I would have to go ahead and marry my boyfriend right away but only out of sincere love and the desire to spend our lifetimes together. What's done is done. God formed the child in your womb. He has already blessed the union thusfar. Why not make it legal? What is it exactly that you are waiting for?
2006-10-17 05:08:32 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't rush into anything! If you don't want to get married until after the baby comes, than don't! Just remember that this is YOUR baby, YOUR relationship, and YOUR life!!! Don't worry so much about what other people think. In the end it will not be as big of a deal as you think! Everyone will enjoy the baby, and they will forget all about you not being married! It can be very hard to try and rush to get married unless you just go to the justice of the peace, but if you want a more traditional wedding, it takes a lot of time. and unless you want to be up there with a huge belly, you don't have much time to plan it. Also it is really stressful, and that is not good for the baby. and who wants to worry about having morning sickness on their wedding day!!! Just do what YOU want! And when you tell everyone, don't be shy about being excited, you have a right to be! The happier you act about it the more it will rub off on everybody else, and the less they will be thinking about the marriage issue. I would maybe tell your mom when she comes, and wait on everyone else until you are further along....Good Luck! and Congrats!!
2006-10-17 05:50:41 · answer #3 · answered by ME 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Congrats on the baby.
It is your decision along with your partner as to get married before or after the birth. If I may suggest that you talk with an accountant/ advisior about the tax and money issues involved with the child, for health insurance and other benefits.
The baby will be an automatic tax deduction as a dependant, sometimes it makes a lot of sence in terms of the wallet to get married or to remain domestic partners.
As far as telling your family, only you will know. I know when I was expecting I called my inlaws and just told them that I went to the doctor and got the news. My parents and husband were told over chineese. I went to the local party store and purchased fake fortune cookies that said, a baby will be arriving shortly to the family.
Good Luck.
I wish you all of the best.
2006-10-17 05:01:40 · answer #4 · answered by samlevine05667 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow..I am catholic too. So I understand the whole 'strict' issue with that. I would just be honest with them-honesty is the best policy-whether they get mad or not.
If you plan on getting married...then go for it. Tell them you planned on geting maried before hand anyways so they don't think the only reason you are getting married is because of the baby. Do you plan to baptize? There is another option youcan throw at them. Keep your head up. The 10 months of pregnancy can drag on for a while..but you can't hide that little pooch forever!! I would say tell them around the 3rd month of pregnancy-your chances lower for miscarriages if they run in the family. Good luck and I'll say a prayer for you!!
2006-10-17 05:16:33 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell them all and be honest they may be upset but would be more annoyed if you lied about it all too. Tell them of your plans to get married once the baby is born. Show them you are committed to each other and understand their beliefs but they should also understand that their beliefs may not be your beliefs. My brother was in a similar situation with his wifes parents, they had a tantrum intially but they got married 2 months after the baby was born and they all got over it once they realised they were for keeps and committed. They have 3 children and a house now and are happy. Honesty is the best policy, explain it was not your plans but if you believe in god surely they believe god had some part in it? Enjoy your pregnance and dont get too stressed its bad for the baby/ Also remind your family that they will want ti be in the babies life so they will have to get used ti the idea.
2006-10-17 04:50:25 · answer #6 · answered by Nic 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are going to be pregnant out of wedlock whether you tell them now, or after your first trimester. Your mom, especially, might be very hurt that she didn't find out for so long.
I say, take a deep breath and tell both your parents. If your mom is coming to town this weekend you can share it with her in person. I got pregnant before I even lived with my boyfriend and while my parents were a little taken aback, they accepted it.
2006-10-17 06:06:59 · answer #7 · answered by eli_star 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you really want to start your relationship on a bad note with your future inlaws go ahead and hold off the wedding.
Personally if you were going to get married for the past three years and have kids, but have just been living together as though you were man and wife... why keep putting it off?
Just go out and get married, and have a celebration after the baby is born. You have a few months yet where you can still fit into a nice dress.
I have to side with your inlaws. Not on a religious note, but on principal. If you live together, act like, and have sex just like a married couple, why the hell arent you married yet?
it just doesnt add up.
Go out and get hitched and have a celebration or renewal after the baby.
2006-10-17 04:43:10 · answer #8 · answered by amosunknown 7 · 6⤊ 0⤋
I say just tell them the worst they can do is get upset but you are planning on getting married right so get married about a month or so after the kid is born and as far as the kid will know is that you where married before he/she was born. Just let them know you are going to get married as soon as you can things don't always work out like the are planed. They can't say anything about it really if you think about it it has all ready happened and they just have to be happy for you even if you are not married just keep your head up and tell them as soon as you can the sooner you let them know the better it will be. They are going to be grandparents that should make any ones parents happy. Because now you can see what they went through when you was growing up. They also can spoil him/her and let you deal with your kid. But keep your head up.
2006-10-17 05:19:58 · answer #9 · answered by Waterfairy 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Since you are catholic and seem to really love and care for each other why don't you go down to the courthouse this weekend (and involve your Mom?) in a nice tiny civil ceremony- then after your baby is born have a great blow-out wedding with everyone- that way you've hit all the markers right. In terms of annoucing it ,My mom got pregnant again when we were older and she set a rose on each of our dinner plates with a ribbon tied note that said the expected birth date- I thought it was beautiful.Be sure to talk to your Mom about maybe helping pick out baby things, let her and other close ones know how much it means to you to have them involved- it will be special for them
2006-10-17 05:07:33 · answer #10 · answered by ARTmom 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋