How can I build trust back into my marriage?

Answer 1

Trust is probably the most important ingredient in building an intimate relationship between husband and wife. Trust is something that can be cultivated and nurtured. I can sum up the essence of building trust in one idea: Create a safe emotional space for your spouse. If you are not actively working to build a safe emotional space, than you are probably building an unsafe one. Needless to say, an abusive relationship is one where there is no trust. The key to avoiding abuse and promoting trust is to consciously strive everyday to build a safe emotional space. And let me say at the outset that, if you feel you are in an abusive relationship. Seek help immediately. Never tolerate abuse!

Develop the skill of being a good listener, which is one of the hardest skills to develop. Being a good listener means you don't interrupt your spouse. This requires great discipline and respect. Learn to ask, "Are you finished?" Always make sure you've fully understood what the other person has said. A simple tool to use for this is the well known "mirroring technique." You reflect back what the other person has said. It may sound a bit contrived but, believe me, it really works. What you have to learn to do is say something like, "Let me make sure that I've understood what you just said. It sounded to me that you want me to..."
When a person feels he or she cannot express their needs to the other person, then this leads to a break down in trust.
We often don't express our needs for two reasons. Either we are afraid of rejection or we are afraid of feeling ashamed for having such needs. When a couple can express and meet each other's needs consistently this is one of the most powerful ways to build trust in a relationship.
We also naturally trust people who treat us nicely and who seem to like us. It's very hard to distrust someone who seems to constantly be going out of his way to please you! A key tool to use here is the "5 to 1 rule." This means that before you say anything negative to your spouse, you must have expressed at least five positive things. Only then, are you allowed to say something negative or critical.

Just in case you didn't know, fighting is a part of any good marriage! I mention this because there are some people who live with the naïve notion that in "good marriages" couples never fight. The problem is not that couples fight, but how they fight.
If you fight unfairly, then you destroy trust. If you fight fairly, you build trust. Here are a few important pointers to make sure that when you fight, you fight fair:
Never resort to name calling or putdowns.
Keep to the issue at hand. Never bring up old stuff that may be unresolved. The present fight is not a license to dump all your old garbage.
Never use phrases that are absolutes such as, "you never" or "you always."
Never bring the other person's family into the issue to support your case or to attack your spouse's.
Agree beforehand on a method how to take a time out if one of you feels that the fight is getting out of hand.
Don't start a fight later in the night, when you're both tired and therefore more likely to have less control over your emotions.
And again, do your best to use "I-statements" rather than "you-statements," which feel like attacks.
I hope this helps hon.

Answer 2

It depends on the issue. I had to re-create trust in my marriage a while back and it took a willingness on my part to trust my husband with all my secrets. I had to become accountable to him in the area of distrust that I created. Wherever you are most vulnerable to doing that which violates his trust, be an open book. If its money, give access to all accounts. If it's the Internet, share your password and encourage periodic checks. If it's an affair, communicate more. Let him know where you are going, when, and for how long. Whatever the issue, invite him to be a gatekeeper for a while - until you demonstrate your trustworthiness again over time.

Answer 3

You did not explain why you have lost trust in your marriage but you do have to understand this. The both of you will end up doing things to one another that can/will cause lack of trust. If you both want the trust back into your marriage the two of you are going to have to sit down and discuss what ever the reasons are that had caused the two of you to begin lacking in faith & trust. And if you guys are willing to admit your faults to oneanother and show eachother that your love is strong and you want to be together you two will stop doubting eachother and begin to communicate and desolve your flaws with the truth & understanding.
Good Luck To You Both!

Answer 4

It depends on what they have done whether or not you will ever be able to trust them again. If its cheating in my opinion I dont think that it will ever work. I wouldnt be able to build the trust for that again. To really answer your question its very limited but the only way to be able to trust someone again in my general point of view is to find out why they did what they did. If you can figure out why and your ok with that then its easier to move on. But I think that your relationship sort of has to of start over in a sense. Depending on the severity of the situation you need to feel loved again and wanted and as long as you have those things you can move on with your lives and get past whatever happened to lose trust in your spouse. Good luck.

Answer 5

I've read that is takes a MINIMUM of 2 years to START to re-build trust after a its been broken.

Until that time you will be going back and forth. So just take it one day at a time.

Good luck

Answer 6

It takes time to establish a new track record. I think I heard it said as, "You do it until." Meaning you try and keep at it until the partner feels safe, secure and trusting you again. It varies from partner to partner of how long this will take. If you love them and want it to work - you do it ... until. Good luck!

Answer 7

Marriage counseling.

Good luck

Answer 8

sit down and talk about why you lost the trust. then get a trinket or little pitcher and both of you hold your hands over it and promis you'll always be true to eatch other and when you look at that object you'll remember the promis ya'll made

Answer 9

I don't think that you can ever really trust someone that has betrayed you. Marriage is sacred and should be treated as a holy union.

Answer 10

The one who cheated needs to make all the effort. They need to be informative, like when they are going somewhere say where they are going and what they are doing. They need to be more communicative, like when they have something that bothers or upsets them about the relationship, they need to open up. It takes time, and lots of it.