I'm adopted... they say that adopted people are unable to maintain longterm relationships. Why is this??

Answer 1

this sounds like a HUGE generalisation to me; surely it would depend on the relationship you have with your adopted parents. Don't let what "they say" affect your relationships.

Answer 2

This is because VERY FEW people who are adopted have abandonment issues, because they were left by their parents who were supposed to care about them the most, so they are afraid of being close to anyone else lest they also leave them or something. But of course this is a rare case and a lot of adopted people can maintain great longterm relationships. I know a girl who is adopted who is in a great relationship and she's happy and everything, so don't worry you're not doomed to any sort of future or anything. Good luck!

Answer 3

Whoever "they" are, they are totally off the wall. It's a load of bull from an idiot. Adopted people learn from their adopted families, just as non-adopted people do. It's better to be cared for by people who wanted you enough to adopt than by people who just didn't bother to use a condom. If you have trouble with long-term relationships, try to understand what feelings you have that make it that way. Check out other ways at looking at your relationships.

Maybe everyone has trouble maintaining long-term relationships. There is a very high rate of divorce today. And unmarried couples are seldom together for decades. Maybe you don't even need or want a long-term relationship.

If you examine your own question without a lot of pre-conceptions, you'll probably learn some good stuff. I wish you well.

Answer 4

It is quite a generalization to tell the truth. I was also adopted but I can't say that I've been in any "long term" relationships but I have stayed close to my adoptive family and that's one of the most important relationships to hold to. The theory that an adoptee can not maintain longterm realationships probably stems from that whole abbanonment feeling. It can seriously be hard to overcome that feeling and move on in life. These people feel that if they become close to someone then that person will probably leave/abbandon them just like their own mother did. Like I said before, this is a very broad generalization and it could extend to pepole that have expirenced other truama such as divorce, death of a loved one. etc...

Answer 5

It's all relative. It sounds like an overgeneralization. If all adopted people could understand what people have to endure in order to adopt a child, they might think twice about feeling unwanted. To adopt a child one's life has to withstand the scrutiny of the system, which will disqualify someone for the smallest 'offense'. And then there's the fear that it will fall through; that the child's natural parents will some day confiscate their natural child. While it is understandabe for adopted children to have attachment issues, anxiety, and trust issues.....they would be well to realize that they're not the only ones who may be having issues.

Answer 6

What rubbish they are feeding people those kind, I personally know two people who were adopted, one at 2 years old and one at 4 years old, they are both now in their late 60's and have both had long happy loving marriages of 40 years plus, their children went on to have happy relationships and children of their own, statistics are a waste of time and effort, there are as many kids who come from loving family homes that have never been adopted who have found it hard to hold down relationships too, so what are these experts reasons for that one I wonder.

Answer 7

I don't think that is true. It is an assumption that people have, and it has been spread and altered so people think it's true. This assumption is that adopted children don't bond as well to their adoptive parents as biological children do to their parents. This is not accurate for all parents. Some adoptive parents do a poor job bonding to their children, just like some biological parents do a poor job of bonding to theirs.

A child who has never known his biological parents, has been passed around from foster parents to foster parents, and gets adopted at a later age, might have trouble maintaining long-term relationships because they never bonded well with anyone and don't always understand that a long-term relationship is possible. But I think this is the exception rather than the rule.

Answer 8

not true sweedie, cause in that case, by virtue of that theory, both me and my 5 month hubby shoud've been adopted! we've both come from stable happy homes, its all about you as the person. yes, sometimes one has baggage from childhood days (my cousin's mum abandoned her and her sister) and even though the older one is as stable as they come, married for 21 years now and still going, the younger one has 2 kids, she's never been married, but she aint ever abandoned her own kids either. life's like that. i know i used to want to die when i lost my fave cousin when i was younger, and sometimes, death (or such a form of "abandonment") can also make you "push people away" which is what i think i suffered from to a degree. i think i'm well on my way to dealing with death (more or less) because i really really want to maintain a longterm relationship very badly and will do my utmost to have one!

Answer 9

I get annoyed when people use the mythical "they" as if these people are expert in the subject that is being discussed. I can only put forward my point of view as I have had no experience of adoption. First of all, it is not only adopted people who can have difficulty with relationships so perhaps being adopted is not the issue in a prticular case but the label "adopted" makes everything clear. Anyone who makes that statement is being narrowminded one could go as far to say that the statement is in fact meaningless. The knowledge that one is adopted must in my mind be the most awful situation that i personaly would have difficulty in dealing with. Simply because not knowing who my parents were, would torment me for the rest of my life. i would not care what other people thought.

Answer 10

Well that really depends on your personal story. If adopted as an infant then the above is less so. But lets say you were 5 or 7 or an older age than usual then it might be true because of the things you might have gone through as a child.

Answer 11

My brother-in-law was adopted, and he has been with his wife now for almost 30 years. I also have a friend who was adopted and she has been in the same relationship for almost 10 years. I don't think being adopted has anything to do with anything.

I think it has more to do with the times we live in. We are a throw away society, when something isn't entertaining or just perfect, we throw it away. relationships included. i think that has more to do with people not having long term relationships that does being adopted.