Do I say something?

Question

Is it OK for me to be a little upset when all my husband does in the day is work and at night sits on the computer and wont get up to do anything including spending time with our boys who are always asking him to play ball or what have you.

I realize he works hard and I have no problem with a little relaxation but it gets to me when one of the boys have to ask him something a few times before he even notices they are standing there.

some of you asked what he does all night on the computer... he plays Guild Wars

Answer 1

A little upset??
You should be a lot upset.
You didn't make those kids by yourself and it's obvious he has an addiction to the computer.
I think it's time for a Professional and if his family is important to him, then he should be willing to seek help if he can't bring himself to go cold turkey with the computer time.
I would wonder what he's doing on that computer all night--no one needs to work that much.
And not just your boys, but what about you?
You must feel a bit neglected as well. He needs to realize what is really important--and that is his family.
His priorities are all screwed up and he doesn't realize just how lucky and blessed he is to have you and his kids.
He needs a wake-up call--soon!

Answer 2

It sounds like your marriage is one sided. And your not getting the support you need. Sure you may be getting his financial support but what about emotional support as well? You say he is, "on the computer" doing what? Work, or extra curricular activities? Since he is so fixated on the computer, then have the boys join you and all of you sit right up next to him while he is on the computer. If he gets upset, then he has just crossed the line. He is doing something other than "work" on the computer or he wouldn't be so belligerent when you approach him. Then you need to put your foot down and tell him,"Turn off the computer, we need to talk now." And send the boys to their rooms to play while you and him talk. If he doesn't and puts you off, then you need to get his attention other ways. Such as talking to a professional, be it a marriage counselor. You need someone to talk too as well. And it's not fair to your boys that their Father is so preoccupied. There are many options to relaxation that don't include a computer, especially if you have children. Movies, are a good way to relax. One I would highly recommend would be Click. If you haven't seen the movie Click with Adam Sandler. Have a movie night, pop up the popcorn and sit down with him and watch that movie. Its about a guy that is so work oriented that he wants to pass up the important things in life, like his family, just to do more work. He has this remote that fast forwards him through life. It is entertaining but, it might be a good opener for your talk afterwards about how your feeling. PS if this doesn't work, go to a friends house and talk to him through the computer!

Answer 3

yes all of us need to relax but one day he will realize that your boys have grown up and are leaving home. He is addicted to the computer as some women are addicted to soaps. Someone has to make him realize that he is. Here is my suggestion you don't worry about all the housework in the evening and you take the boys out. Make sure they are having a great time. Before you go out make sure you shut off the tv, the stereo or anything else that makes noise of that nature. If you don't have make sure you start having sit down suppers where the boys can talk about all the fun they're having and how much they wish dad was going out with them. If dad wants to take his supper and sit in front of the computer you may have to get a little more than slightly annoyed. Hubby has to realize that you are a family and families need nurturing or they fall apart.

Answer 4

I think u should say something. Tell him he needs to relax for a while. Take a day off. Tell him to spend time with u and ur boys. Go outside play ball.take a walk, go to a movie, or just sit down at dinner and have a family dinner. If that doesn't work maybe u should tell his boss hes working to much and needs a day off.

Answer 5

Guild Wars can be addicting, but nothing should replace the time that he should be spending with his kid.
You should say something, because when GW is over and he's finally had enough of it and wants to spend time with the kids, he's gonna turn around and they won't be there.
They would have grown up, and now at a point of their life where they want to be around their parents less, and with their friends doing what they think of as cool, more.
He's gonna miss out and when he finally realizes that he has, it's gonna break his heart.

Answer 6

It's possible that he's unhappy with his job/career choice at this point in his life. He may be "depressed" in addition to being overworked. You don't mention what type of job he has (I would imagine a career with a tremendous amount of physical work might be more exhausting than an office-style desk position)

Perhaps his distraction with relaxation is also a symptom of a selfish attitude? I know several of my friends simply expect their wives to raise the children and work the house while he is earning away from the house. Some frank discussions about expectations may be in order...

Answer 7

Send the boys off to grandma's for a sleep-over. Strike a pose like your picture and tell him:
"If you don't want to pay attention to me and the boys, I'll find someone who does. I don't think that should be too hard to do. Do you?".
Make a plan for the next day out of the house and spend some quality time with the family.
If that doesn't work contact John. You look like you would make a cute couple!

Answer 8

You most certainly should communicate how he is making his children feel by being so solitute when he returns from work. Certainly you can give him some positive remarks by telling him you appreciate how hard he works but it must be mentioned that he is a large part of the family and that he needs to start behaving as such. If not sooner or later both your children and yourself will soon tire of this sort of behaviour.

Answer 9

you should say something right away and let him know that you are serious. let him know that he is hurting you and his children. he needs to have a relationship with his children or they will grow up resenting him, my nephews are that way. I dont see how you can stand that. If you dont communicate then the relationship will fail. If he wants to relax then request a movie with the kids or perhaps helping you in the kitchen or something. He sounds like he is just being lazy

Answer 10

It sounds like he is zoning out from work. Try planning family time during the times that the kids are home from school and before bedtime. Tell him if he needs to zone out set a time after the kids are in bed. Make it seem like his idea to stroke that fragile male ego.