Toddler death?

Question

This past Sunday, a very close friend of the family lost her 3yr old son because her boyfriend sat a loaded gun on the bedroom floor. The little boy picked it up and shot himself in the face and died. Her 9yr old son walked in and saw it as it happened. I am very angry with her and I don't know how to get past it to attend the funeral. I feel that if she knew a loaded gun was in the house, she should have made her boyfriend put it away. My daughter is 6 weeks younger than her son, and I strongly feel that she did not protect her child. How do I get past my own feelings to attend the funeral? I can't sleep at night and it's been on my mind the last 2 days. She sickens me. (This is not a joke.)

I appreciate everyone's responses, and especially the poem. I also want all that respond to understand that my judgement of the mother is completely internal. I would NEVER tell her how I feel because she is hurting far more than I am over this. And it would be in poor taste to share my feelings with her. I only told my feelings to my mother and husband.

Answer 1

Don't lay blame at this time. She is going thru what is probably the biggest trauma in her life and she needs support. It was an accident, a stupid and preventable accident, but an accident none the less. Please just be there for her without being judgemental, she is hurting. And she is more than likely is thinking the same stuff about herself and her boyfriend that you are.

Answer 2

If you have a child, then you know as well as anyone just how fast they can be into something. It is an unfortunate accident and I am sorry to hear of this loss. It was not really your friends fault..........she probably had no idea that a gun was carelessly placed on the floor. I am absolutely sure she would have picked it up and put it away if she had known. Her "boyfriend" on the other hand,due to his ignorance and irresponsible behavior, has no business being a gun owner. I don't know where you live.........but here the boyfriend would face charges in this situation. You should know your friend most likely would have prevented this if she could have...........and I fear that you have no idea how she feels right now. Parents are not supposed to outlive their children and your friend needs your support more now than she ever has. Hope this helps and GOD speed comfort to this child's family !

Answer 3

Well there is no logical way to just get over something like this. But what you can do is set aside the feelings that you have towards the mother and just think about the child. Attend the funeral for him not anyone else. Don't not attend because of how you feel about the parents cause then you will feel 10 times worse. I'm sorry to here that something like this happened to such a young child. I have a 3yr old son myself I couldn't imagine letting something like this happen to him. But just pray and ask God for peace and a sound mind to get through this tragedy. Good Luck.

Answer 4

I can understand that you would be extremely upset and angry with the mother. However, this is no reason to not attend the funeral and remember a beautiful little child who was taken much too quickly from this world for an unexplained reason. Hopefully child protection will remove the other child from this environment for the other little boy's safety. Your sleepness nights hopefully will not continue for long and soon you'll be grateful that your child is not subjected to this type of environment. Best of luck in dealing with this situation and do attend the funeral. If you are so angry then all you need to say to the mother is how sorry you are for her loss and do not need to elaborate that it was a preventable death.

Answer 5

She is going thru a lot and does not need or deserve your anger. If there is anyone you should be angry with it would be her boyfriend, but that still shouldn't stop you from attending the funeral when she needs you most. If you do not go to the funeral you are a poor friend.

Answer 6

I know its really hard to get over something like this, but like your hurting so is she more than you can imagine, the person you should be mad at is her boyfriend. Its not your friends fault her boyfriend is the one to blame, there could be many reasons why she had know idea, her boyfriend could have left it out and she was not home, when she leaves she makes sure that its locked away, but this time as she was away he left it out. Its not her fault if she didn't know about it, she didn't put the bullets in the gun she didn't leave it out.
She is your friend and right now she needs all the support she can get escpecially from her friends, no doubt she probably dumped her boyfriend. Just remember she lost her son its not the easiest thing to deal with.

I really hope this helps.

Answer 7

The funeral is about showing respect and love for the child. That child's mother probably could not see the potential problem at the time. This will haunt her for the rest of her life. Try to understand that not all people make the right choices. All you can do is forgive them for this terrible tragedy and try to be there for the other boy.

Answer 8

Try to think long-term. You might regret it later if you don't attend, and you'll never have the chance to attend the funeral again. Maybe try to focus all of your attention on the child, and not on his mother. Grieve for him, for his lost chances. You don't even have to talk to her if you don't want to. If you are somehow forced to, like if there is a receiving line or something, just suck it up, so to speak, and shake her hand or whatever without saying anything, or maybe a simple "I'm sorry."

I'm sure she is probably feeling tremendous guilt and anger at herself, but that doesn't excuse her. It might, in time, however, help you to soften toward her. But my suggestion as far as the funeral goes is just to go out of respect for the little boy and the friend your daughter would have had to play with.

Answer 9

well in a case like this you need to be there for your friend.losing a child can be the hardest thing you to go through in your life and 2nd the boyfriend should not have left a loaded gun in the same house where there are children.he is irresponsible gun owner.and if your going to have guns and children in the same house they to should know about the dangers and proper use of a gun.your never to young to learn.we have 6 children and own guns ourself and all our children except the baby know the dangers and safty of guns.and the baby will be taught.just be there for your friend right now and discuss your feelings with her when the time is right.and you should never have a child and loaded gun in the same house.her boyfriend was wrong there.

Answer 10

I can understand your anger and I am sure your friend is feeling very guilty. You said yourself that she probably didnt know the gun was in the house and loaded. It was a horrible accident (could have been avoided, but still an accident). She needs you now more than she probably ever will. This is one of those times when you just have to put your own feelings aside and be there for her.

Answer 11

how sad this is for the family of the child.you need to be a friend right now becouse even if this was something that could have been prevented you dont know the hole story on it.im not saying you shouldnt be mad at her but she needs all the helpo she can get right now.if not for her then for the child that seen it happen.that baby needs you and your love in a time like this.you have plenty of time later to be mad at her or him.and in the end god will punish the right one for this.it isnt your fault or the babys fault that this happened so if you dont do it for anyone else be there for the lost/god has a way of dealing with bad things and people and he will trust in that.but be the bigger person and open your heart for them and justbe there.good luck and god bless them all.hug and kiss your child longer and harder and thank god for him a lil more