I've been with my boyfriend for 5 years. We've been through the ups, downs and and all arounds together and we've survived it all. The only problem that has always been there and not sure will ever go away is the issue of appearence. My parents, my sister and my best friend think he is ugly and not good enough for me. I'll admit he doesn't look like the model boyfriend my sister has, but I love him. His teeth are crooked and noticeable when he smiles, he is prone to gaining weight, his skin is not too smooth and he can never find a haircut that suits him. sometimes I am ashamed to let everyone know he is mine. I try to get him on a diet, get braces ect. but it makes his confiednce low. when he gaines weight I find myself unattracted to him and weeks can go by without having sex. Aside from that he is an amazing person, and I don't think I could find anyone else like him. I know i'm going to marry him one day, but I am afarid the relationship will be weak. I'm so confused......
2006-10-17 03:49:55 · 58 answers · asked by cd_leo22 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
some people say that I don't deserve him, which may be true. But dispite the fact that I have suggested the idea of braces and diet, I have never made him feel less than, and I am careful not to hurt his feelings. I also exercise with him so he knows that I'm not perfect either. I guess being told by many people that he isn't right for me I started to wonder if they saw something I didn't and my mother's thoughts started to rub off on me over the years...
2006-10-17 04:32:57 · update #1
Attraction is more important for some people than others. You claim that you love him, BUT you give all these other reasons and other problems that he has.
I will be blunt. You don't really love him. You are in this relationship out of convenience because you think he is the best you could get at the time. If you really did love him and looks weren't an issue, you would not bring up all these things, including saying you are "ashamed to let everyone know he is yours".
You are having doubts about marrying him because you deep down you know that you shouldn't. You are having issues in your relationship right now. What makes you think they will go away when you two are married?
It also sounds like you are a people pleaser. You care too much about what others think. This is a sign of low self-esteem. I think you need to break up with him (you put him down anyways), work on your own self-confidence and self-esteem and then you will be ready for a partner that is more appropriate for you.
2006-10-17 03:59:34 · answer #1 · answered by Trader 3 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Personally, I think you are all shallow for even thinking that. If you say that you he is an amazing person and don't think you will ever find anyone like that, that is your answer right there. What happens if you do leave him and you find yourself a nice looking guy with muscles? And then he abuses and cheats on you. What then? Then you would wish you had your "ugly" husband as you call him. If someone kept telling me to change this and to change that my confidence would be low too. I think the only way the relationship would be weak if you marry him is because of your immaturity and ignorance. It just goes to show that a beautiful person (which you probably are physically) can be ugly inside and a person whom the world views as ugly is beautiful inside. Shame on you.
2006-10-17 04:10:32 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
After 5 years and all you two have been through, I dont think it would be wise for you to just up and leave him because he isnt as attractive as you think he needs to be. You have to weight it out- How much you love him and how bad you want a good looking boyfriend. If you dont think he is replacable, than I wouldnt let go of him that easy. Besides, beauty is from the inside out.
I kinda know what you are talking about, because I have always had a good-looking boyfriend, and I never thought I would be attracted to the type of guy that I with. But I love him and wouldn' tgive him up for the world. I love him now matter what he looks like, and no one (even the hottest guy in the world) couldn't treat me the way that the love of my life treats me like.
2006-10-17 04:06:51 · answer #3 · answered by Michelle K 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
People will say that appearance means nothing, but if you are not attracted to him that will make for a very difficult relationship, because despite what other people think, sex is a very important part of a relationship. This is sometimes why people cheat, they are not attracted to their partner. If you are ok with the way he looks, I'd say go for it. The fact that if he gains weight you find yourself unattracted to him and don't have sex for weeks and you're afraid that the relationship will be weak, I'd say you probably need to move on.
2006-10-17 03:59:00 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Look at him this way........
Visions
Eyes can be deceiving
Seeing only what you want them to see
But visions from the heart
Are the ones l choose to see
If you look through your heart
When others come into View
You'll always see the goodness
In the ones that love you to
Many thoughts come into vision
When you see with your Mind
The present and the future
And those you left behind
If you see with your heart
In all things good or Bad
You'll find life a little easier
Even when times are Sad
So the next time that you vision
That someone face to Face
Remember to see through your Heart
And make the world a better Place
By: Kenny P. aka-Cobra
2006-10-17 03:59:15 · answer #5 · answered by Cobra 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
It sounds like you don't think he's good enough for you. You just like his personality but you want more. If you are already having problems I don't think this is going to change when you get married. It will only be worse with other worries, finance etc. Why don't you let this guy go, so he can find someone that loves him in and out and doesn't find him unfit like you do.. You need to love a person in and out attraction is still important move on..
2006-10-17 03:58:22 · answer #6 · answered by ? 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Aside from the obvious things you can do like skin care, braces and diet; how about getting him a life coach to assist in his personal transformation. This may help his self esteem so that he will want to improve his minor imperfections. It doesn't matter what anyone else thinks about the way he looks. If you love him then work through it. If you can't deal with it be fair and let him go find someone who can appreciate him the way that he is.
2006-10-17 03:57:53 · answer #7 · answered by kyle g 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
If you like or love someone , you no need to care about his appearance. Remember that he is still very lucky because got someone like you to love him. But i think he will be very dissapointed if he know that you are complaining and dislike his appearance.
Remember appearance is just a shell of a body the most important thing is the heart. You are the one who is loving him not anyone else so only your thinking and opinion towards him is important and remember not to care about other people opinion toward both of you. Don't afraid because you are the one who making your other part happier and you should happy and proud of it.
2006-10-17 04:05:36 · answer #8 · answered by evolutionf330q 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My answer is NO.
Love can gain anything it doesn't matter what other people is thinking. Love is just between you and your boyfriend. Other people is not going to share anything. The most important in your life is how he is, as a person. and how much he loves you. Do you think if you left him, you'll find another guy who will love you more.
I found most of the good looking guys are fraud and cheaters. The reason is they can get a girl quite easily and don't hesitate to cheat his wife/girl Friend.
I would say, please don't leave your boy friend.
2006-10-17 04:02:17 · answer #9 · answered by Show Me Sunshine 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Does it really matter what he looks like? 5 Years is a long time.. to me it truly doesnt matter what someone looks like its all in how he treats you. Personality is key. Some of the most gorgeous people are so full of hate it just makes them ugly. Follow your heart thats all you can do. Personally i dont think its very tactful for your friends or family to be commenting on his looks. Follow your heart and everything will fall into place.
2006-10-17 03:57:09 · answer #10 · answered by jmi521 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋