Whenever I refuse to have sex with my husband he becomes angry at me and won't speak to me. Most times he tries to initiate sex is in the morning when I am trying to get ready for work. He works the night shift and comes home 2 hours before I have to go to work. I have already been reprimanded at work for being late so many times (because he's so pushy about sex that I am late getting to work). It is very hurtful to me that he treats me this way. When he gets sex from me, he is kind to me. When I refuse, he totally turns away from me. I can't take this treatment anymore. He makes me feel like sex is all he wants from me and if I don't give it to him, I'm not worth talking to or spending time with. Do all guys act like this? How do I resolve this problem?
2006-10-17 02:40:23 · 23 answers · asked by Kimmy 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
buy him a bottle of lube and toss it to him and tell him you have to get ready for work but he is more than welcome to please himself!
2006-10-17 02:49:08 · answer #1 · answered by daydreambeliever0000 4 · 0⤊ 2⤋
Ah yes, this one comes very close to home. And you actually want to do something about it, good for you! To examine this, we need to back up a little. You sound like a typically busy working wife. You have your schedule, many demands on your time, life in general. Don't make the same mistake other couples make. That is letting life's events come between you two. You see, when you're not each other's number one priority anymore, all that stuff comes between you. When that happens, things become mundane, sex and intimacy become a chore, and your feelings for each other fade. You drift apart. Before it gets too late, make each other number one again. As a guy who doesn't get "any", I can tell you that even though it seems to you that men just need to "get off", there's much more to it than that. For me at least, it's the ultimate in closeness, like an emotional bond. Men need sex, we want sex, we think about sex all the time. Be glad you're the object of his affections. He could be looking elsewhere, like me. A guy will only be unhappy for so long. I believe a good lover will do anything to please the other. It seems like you enjoy sex with him, so why not schedule it? Get up a little earlier, or maybe he could get off early once in awhile. I think you'd both enjoy it. Good luck!
2006-10-17 10:02:08 · answer #2 · answered by Mike 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to sit down and talk to your husband. Before you do that, consider his point of view in addition to your own. Men are very sensitive to being rejected, especially for sex. I think the problem is really your respective schedules. It seems to me you don't have enough time together to function as a couple, much less enjoy mutually satisfying sex.
Your husband may just want more time with you. He may be craving your touch and closeness. When you withhold it, he's hurt and acts accordingly. You've said that when you do make love, he's kind. When do you both have time to be together? When is your schedule not in conflict? Maybe the solution is to set aside time that's specifically for love-making or just reconnecting.
We all know that women and men view sex differently. In your case, I think it's your schedules more than anything else. You might also consider how your respective schedules impact your lives and rethink your work situation or routine.
2006-10-17 10:29:10 · answer #3 · answered by Le_Roche 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It depends on how long this has been going on. You should be glad that your husband still wants sex from you. Be glad he comes home from work to you and not someone else. To be honest with you, If you don't give it to him he may go somewhere else to get it. Maybe you have got in that rut that we all get in from time to time and take things for granted. He still thinks your are sexy. How mant times a week do you guys have sex? How long have you been married? You should atleast have sex 3 to 4 times a week. That is normal. I know when I was married to my ex, we didn't have sex 3 or 4 times a month(that was a good month) I never wanted it b/c I was not attracted to her. You should feel good about what you do to him. My g/f now, I want it everyday, We dont do it everyday b/c I know she dont want it. But for the most past we do it about 4 to 5 times a week sometimes more. Does he not make you feel good anymore? Maybe you guys need to talk about it. Good luck
2006-10-17 09:56:10 · answer #4 · answered by bigdog_0032 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
For many men, sex is one of, if not the most important part of a relationship. I'm guessing you guys are kind of young, not real young but in your 20's? Anyway, he gets mad at you when you turn him down because absolutely no one like to be turned down for sex, even by their wife. He is over reacting a little but, when we get turned down we get rejected and we think it is something they don't like about us. When women get turned down by their husband it is even worse, they get even more selfconcious and won't initiate sex ever again....sometimes.
If he works nights and you work during the day, you guys already have a tough grind. You need to let him know that you absolutely love having sex with him, but he needs to think about your career and what your needs are too, and that when you have sex before you go to work it isn't as good for you because you are worried about being late for work. IF he continues to pout, call him a baby, that will get his attention, but an even better idea is to suprise him one morning when he comes home. Get to bed a few hours early and when he walks in the door from a hard nights work give him the royal treatment. But make sure before you even consider this that he understands how important it is that you get to work on time.
Ask him when he gets mad after you turn him down if he even cares that you are going to be late to work.
Most men get selfish (are selfish) but they still care about you, they just worry about their needs a little too much.
2006-10-17 10:12:35 · answer #5 · answered by tightlies 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Your husband married you forsaking sex and anything else from other woman. Now you want to turn off the sex. If woman would see that when we marry we want to be with you for the rest of our lives we just dont get why you wont have sex with us. then you wonder why he cheats because he is getting sex elsewhere that you wouldnt give up. In most cases men show they love woman by having sex this is why he treats you so sweet when you give in. In a marriage communication is very important. When one partner wants sex and the other does not you should give in. By giving in maybe you just lie there but I bet after awhile the sex will feel so good you will participate. I know many marriages that have broken due to lack of sex on one partners side. However everyone I know who have active sex lives and put out whenever they are asked to are very happily married. Give in to hubbies advances. Tell him to wake you earlier if he wants it before work or do him as soon as you get home and make him late to work for a change. Sooner or later youbeing the aggressor will help to keep sex hot in your marriage Get er done
2006-10-17 09:54:14 · answer #6 · answered by fortyninertu 5 · 0⤊ 2⤋
it's not about the sex babe it's about the intimacy and the feeling of rejection he feels just try to make the weekends something special for him Fri-sun rock his world and tell him that you love him and find him attractive and he turns you on you are not wrong it's just a timing thing that can be worked out and all can be made well again men don't cheat when there wives love them with there heart and soul but also remember that he should treat you the same one way love and respect is not the answer
2006-10-17 09:54:26 · answer #7 · answered by israel 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You need to be very honest with your husband about how this is making you feel. Explain that you are getting in trouble at work and his behavior is hurting you. Let him know that it isn't that you don't want to be intimate, it's just the timing is off. He probably gets nasty with you because he feels rejected.
I know it can be really hard having two totally different schedules, so you might need to set up "dates" and time for yourselves. Otherwise, I have a feeling this is going to persist because the needs of you and your husband are not being met.
If that doesn't work, I would recommend either a change in work schedules or therapy. Your husband may have some deeper issues going on he isn't telling you about (feeling rejected, etc).
2006-10-17 09:52:35 · answer #8 · answered by Sativa 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
He feels like he is the only one initiating it. In a way he is having insecurities. Initiate more and always reassure him that he is still that guy that makes you hot. Go to bed earlier and suprise him a few mornings a week with attacking him instead of him attacking you. Compromise in relationships is the key.
2006-10-17 09:52:10 · answer #9 · answered by determined26a 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
No, all guys are not like this. He has a problem. He sounds controlling. Is he a bully in other ways,too? Talk to him about his behavior and if this doesn,t help, you may need to see a counselor. If he is making you late for work all the time, that shows you he doesn"t care about hoe it makes you feel. Good luck. Hope you work it out.
2006-10-17 10:00:43 · answer #10 · answered by nana_bad_ass 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
No your husband sounds like a loser and a control freak. I would never put up with that kind of treatment.....You are not a dog and should NEVER be treated this way by anyone especially your husband, I cant tell you what to do,,but personally i wouldnt stay with a man who treated me like a piece of meat for his own pleasure,,without considering how i feel. Never!!!! You are better than that. Find a man who will repsect all of your feelings.
2006-10-17 09:53:32 · answer #11 · answered by michelle 5 · 1⤊ 2⤋